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Happiness 101
A couple I know is on the verge of divorce.
The wife, who stays home with their baby, is
resentful of her husband's seeming lack of
interest in the child, not to mention her.
One night, he complained about his job. "I'm
just miserable," he grumbled, "and you don't
care."
"Why should I care about your
happiness," she shot back.
Do you believe that happiness
is the ultimate in egocentricity, that we
should not waste a single moment thinking
about what makes us happy and that doing so
is not only a waste of time, but a slap in
the face to others in our lives?
Many of my clients think so.
When I ask, "What makes you happy," the
silence on the other end of the phone is
deafening. Mustering a response, they'll
answer, "It's not important."
News flash. It is.
A child who is being picked
on in school can think of little else. She
may become withdrawn, start failing classes,
lose friends. Her unhappiness leaks into
every aspect of her life.
Personal happiness may not seem like the
loftiest goal and yet, without it,
life become drudgery and worse, infects
those around us. Just this morning, a
new client told me, "I hate my life. I spend
eight hours a day in a room with no windows,
can't take time for lunch and get no
exercise. My friends seem to have deserted
me. I guess I'm not much fun to be around
any more."
No kidding.
You have my
permission to seek happiness. Here's an easy
way to start. Ask yourself, is there
anything in my life I'm unhappy about? If
so, do you see ways in which your
unhappiness with this situation is affecting
other areas or people in your life?
Once we
realize and accept the link between
unhappiness in one aspect of life and its
impact on other areas, we can begin to plan
how to deal with it.
Sometimes,
the "cure" involves a major shake up such as
seeking new employment. Other times, it's as
simple as spending a half hour a day doing
something pleasurable.
People
often lay the blame for their unhappiness on
others, but no one can "make" us unhappy.
Only we can do that to and for ourselves.
Spend some
time figuring out what brings you joy, then
do more of it. Make the best of bad
situations. Know that you can change your
circumstances without taking on the type of
thinking that causes you to believe that
"someday, when I've achieved X, I will be
happy." Laugh more. Surround yourself with
happy people. Be realistic in your
expectations and accept, overlook and/or
learn from your mistakes, then move on.
Don't marinate in your misery. Happiness is
a choice.
Sharpen your happiness skills
According
to a group of scientists at the University
of Wisconsin, Matthieu Ricard, a French
Buddhist monk is likely, "the happiest man
on earth."
They came
to this conclusion because of a study they
did on the brain patterns of hundreds of
volunteers from different walks of life.
Ricard achieved a level of joy so far above
other participants as to be off the
charts.
"The mind is malleable," Ricard told
The Independent. Our life
can be greatly transformed by even a
minimal change in how we manage our
thoughts and perceive and interpret the
world. Happiness...requires
effort and time."
He echoes the idea that we
must understand what already makes us happy
and do more of that.
Check out Ricard's book,
Happiness, in which you can learn
exercises to increase your happiness
quotient.
One
quick tip:
For beating
depression
If you're ready to amp up
your happiness quotient, you might want to
amp up the music.
A recent review of studies states that most people who listen
to or create music under the guidance of a
music therapist, experience notable symptom
relief. And most people enrolled in a music
therapy program stick with it long term,
indicating they're engaged and enjoying it.
Perform an online search
for "do-it-yourself music therapy" or check
out
http://www.musictherapy.org
Leave 'em
laughing
In the back woods, Elvin's
wife went into labor in the middle of the
night and the doctor was called out to
assist. To keep the nervous father-to-be
busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and
said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see
what I'm doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought
into the world. "Whoa there!" said the
doctor just as the father was about to put
down the lantern. "Don't be in such a rush.
I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered
a little girl.
"No, no, don't be in a great
hurry to be putting down that lantern, young
man. It seems there's yet another one
besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his
head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor:
"Do ya think it's the light that's attractin'
them?"
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