Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
March 28, 2018
FreeWillAstrology.com
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BLISS BLITZ
In response to our culture's ever-rising levels of noise and frenzy, rites of purification have become more popular. Many people now recognize the value of taking periodic retreats. Withdrawing from their usual compulsions, they go on fasts, avoid mass media, practice celibacy, or even abstain from speaking. While we applaud cleansing ceremonies like this, we recommend balancing them with periodic outbreaks of an equal and opposite custom: the Bliss Blitz.
During this celebration, you tune out the numbing banality of the daily grind. But instead of shrinking into asceticism, you indulge in uninhibited explorations of joy, release, and expansion. Turning away from the mildly stimulating distractions you seek out when you're bored or worried, you become inexhaustibly resourceful as you search for unsurpassable sources of cathartic pleasure. Try it for a day or a week: the Bliss Blitz.
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VOWS
I invite you to speak these vows out loud:
As long as I live, I vow to die and be reborn, die and be reborn, die and be reborn, over and over again, forever reinventing myself.
I promise to be stronger than hate, wetter than water, deeper than the abyss, and wilder than the sun.
I pledge to remember that I am not only a sweating, half-asleep, excitable, bumbling jumble of desires, but that I am also an immortal four-dimensional messiah in continuous telepathic touch with all of creation.
I vow to love and honor my highs and my lows my yeses and noes, my give and my take, the life I wish I had and the life I actually have.
I promise to push hard to get better and smarter, grow my devotion to the truth, fuel my commitment to beauty, refine my emotions, hone my dreams, wrestle with my shadow, purge my ignorance, and soften my heart -- even as I always accept myself for exactly who I am, with all of my so-called foibles and wobbles.
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YOU ARE LUCKY!
One of life's great bounties is its changeableness, which ensures that boredom will never last very long. You may underestimate the intensity of your longing for continual transformation, but the universe doesn't.
That's why it provides you with the boundless entertainment of your ever-shifting story. That's why it is always revising the challenges it sends your way, providing your curious soul with a rich variety of unpredictable teachings.
Neuroscientists have turned up evidence that suggests you love this aspect of the universe's behavior. They say that you are literally addicted to learning. At the moment when you grasp a lesson you've been grappling with, your brain experiences a rush of a natural opium-like chemical, boosting your pleasure levels. You crave this experience. You thrive on it.
So the universe is built in such a way as to discourage boredom. It does this not just by generating an endless stream of interesting novelty, and not only by giving you an instinctive lust to keep learning, but also by making available an abundance of ways to break free of your habitual thoughts.
You can go to school, travel, read, listen to experts, converse with people who think differently from you, and absorb the works of creative artists. You can replenish and stretch your mind through exercise, sex, psychotherapy, spiritual practices, and self-expression. You can take drugs and medicines that alter your perspectives.
And here's the best part of this excellent news: Every method that exists for expanding your consciousness is more lavishly available right now than it has been at any previous time in history.
Never before have there been so many schools, educational programs, workshops, and enrichment courses. Virtually any subject or skill you want to study, you can. You don't even have to leave your home to do it. The number of online classes is steadily mounting . . . .
Read the rest of this essay here:
bit.ly/ObviousMiracle7
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The preceding three blips are excerpts from my book
PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA
It's available at Amazon: bit.ly/Pronoia
or Powells: bit.ly/PronoiaPowells
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INTERVIEW
You: "What do you talk about when you want to activate the imagination of someone you care for?"
Me: "I talk about the beauty they possess but don't know much about."
You: "How do you become smarter in the way you love?"
Me: "Before I ask anyone to consider changing their attitude or behavior, I first change myself in that exact way."
You: "What's the skill that you may be destined to become a master of, even though it's difficult for you to learn?"
Me: "Knowing the difference between ego-driven obsession and compassionate passion."
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LIST OF ESSENTIALS
1. Sunny, breezy ripples on your special day
2. A wild dream not quite hidden inside a safe dream
3. Time's gifts harvested at a moment of fierce weakness
4. Riddles and help from the Princess of Cups
5. Unexpected celebration; don't resist
6. You meet an alchemist disguised as a biologist
7. Waves of joyous chanting in the distance
8. Inspiration dissipates fear -- pink dawn
9. Song of the weird, sweet healers
10. Message written in disappearing ink reappears
11. The valuable illusions of youth
12. Clarity in all of its shocking splendor
13. Green earth basks in blue moonlight
14. A whisper in the dark frees you from loss
15. Are your ready for your close-up?
16. Meeting the Guest on an island you love
17. A lily and a rose on your doorstep
18. A birch tree tells you a joke
19. A memory recreated out of the thick air
20. What renegade light reaches the ocean's floor
21. A forgotten bell rings, announcing your victory
22. Hummingbird swarm, delight or agitation
23. What comes next
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
Musician David Byrne has created a website the documents the many reasons to be cheerful: www.reasonstobecheerful.world
Morocco turns the Sahara desert into a solar energy oasis: tinyurl.com/y9muk4p9
It wasn't just Greece: Archaeologists find early democratic societies in the Americas
tinyurl.com/zodb9u6
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They aren’t advertisements, and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES: Truthrooster@gmail.com.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning March 29
Copyright 2018 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
A few years ago, a New Zealander named Bruce Simpson announced plans to build a cruise missile at his home using parts he bought legally from eBay and other online stores. In accordance with current astrological omens, I suggest you initiate a comparable project. For example, you could arrange a do-it-yourself space flight by tying a thousand helium balloons to your lawn chair. APRIL FOOL! I lied. Please don't try lunatic schemes like the helium balloon space flight. Here's the truth: Now is a favorable time to initiate big, bold projects, but not foolish, big, bold projects. The point is to be both visionary and practical.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
The Finnish word kalsarikännit means getting drunk at home alone in your underwear and bingeing on guilty pleasures. It's a perfect time for you to do just that. The Fates are whispering, "Chill out. Vegetate. Be ambitionless." APRIL FOOL! I told a half-truth. In fact, now is a perfect time to excuse yourself from trying too hard and doing too much. You can accomplish wonders and marvels by staying home and bingeing on guilty pleasures in your underwear. But there's no need to get drunk.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
Actor Gary Busey is very sure there are no mirrors in heaven. He has other specific ideas about the place, as well. This became a problem when he was filming the movie Quigley, in which his character Archie visits heaven. Busey was so enraged at the director's mistaken rendering of paradise that he got into a fist fight with another actor. I hope you will show an equally feisty fussiness in the coming weeks, Gemini. APRIL FOOL! I lied, sort of. On the one hand, I do hope you'll be forceful as you insist on expressing your high standards. Don't back down! But on the other hand, refrain from pummeling anyone who asks you to compromise.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
In the Scots language still spoken in parts of Scotland, eedle-doddles are people who can't summon initiative when it's crunch time. They are so consumed in trivial or irrelevant concerns that they lose all instinct for being in the right place at the right time. I regret to inform you that you are now at risk of being an eedle-doddle. APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, the truth is just the opposite. I have rarely seen you so well-primed to respond vigorously and bravely to Big Magic Moments. For the foreseeable future, you are King or Queen of Carpe Diem.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
Paul McCartney likes to periodically act like a regular person who's not a famous musician. He goes grocery shopping without bodyguards. He rides on public transportation and strikes up conversations with random strangers. I think you may need to engage in similar behavior yourself, Leo. You've become a bit too enamored with your own beauty and magnificence. You really do need to come down to earth and hang out more with us little people. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, now is prime time to hone your power and glory; to indulge your urge to shine and dazzle; to be as conspicuously marvelous as you dare to be.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
The coming days will be an excellent time to concoct an alchemical potion that will heal your oldest wounds. For best results, mix and sip a gallon of potion using the following magic ingredients: absinthe, chocolate syrup, cough medicine, dandelion tea, cobra venom, and worm's blood. APRIL FOOL! I mixed a lie in with a truth. It is a fact that now is a fine time to seek remedies for your ancient wounds. But the potion I recommended is bogus. Go on a quest for the real cure.
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MAYBE JOY AND PLEASURE ARE ESSENTIAL SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES
Assume that your drive to experience pleasure and happiness isn't a barrier to your spiritual growth, but is in fact essential to it. Proceed on the hypothesis that cultivating joy can make you a more ethical and compassionate person. Imagine that feeling good has something important to teach you every day.
For inspiration in practicing this approach, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four-to-five-minute meditations on the current state of your destiny.
To listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope online, go to RealAstrology.com.
Register and/or log in through the main page.
You can also listen over the phone by calling 1-877-873-4888.
The cost is $6 per sign on the Web (discounts available for bulk purchases), or $1.99 per minute by phone.
The Expanded Audio Horoscopes work on most smart phones and tablets.
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"Your expanded horoscopes get more personal and intimate with me than some of my closest friends. Thanks for the loving reflections."
- Ari S., Ann Arbor, MI
"When I listen to your audio 'scopes, my free will lights up." - Alex D., Los Angeles
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
I expect you will soon receive a wealth of exotic and expensive gifts. For example, a benefactor may finance your vacation to a gorgeous sacred site or give you the deed to an enchanted waterfall. I won't be surprised if you're blessed with a solid gold bathtub or a year's supply of luxury cupcakes. It's even possible that a sugar daddy or sugar momma will fork over $500,000 to rent an auditorium for a party in your honor. APRIL FOOL! I distorted the truth. I do suspect you'll get more goodies than usual in the coming weeks, but they're likely to come in the form of love and appreciation, not flashy material goods. (For best results, don't just wait around for the goodies to stream in; ask for them!)
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
There's a narrow waterway between Asia and Europe. In the fifth century B.C., Persian King Xerxes had two bridges built across it so he could invade Greece with his army. But a great storm swept through and smashed his handiwork. Xerxes was royally peeved. He ordered his men to whip the uncooperative sea and brand it with hot irons, all the while shouting curses at it, like "You are a turbid and briny river." I recommend that you do something similar, Scorpio. Has Nature done anything to inconvenience you? Show it who's the Supreme Boss! APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, now is an excellent time for you to become more attuned and in love with a Higher Power, however you define that. What's greater than you and bigger than your life and wilder than you can imagine? Refine your practice of the art of surrender.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Fifteenth-century Italian painter Filippo Lippi was such a lustful womanizer that he sometimes found it tough to focus on making art. At one point, his wealthy and politically powerful patron Cosimo de' Medici, frustrated by his extracurricular activities, imprisoned him in his studio to ensure he wouldn’t get diverted. Judging from your current astrological omens, Sagittarius, I suspect you need similar constraints. APRIL FOOL! I fibbed a little. I am indeed worried you'll get so caught up in the pursuit of pleasure that you'll neglect your duties. But I won't go so far as to suggest you should be locked up for your own good.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Now is a favorable time to slap a lawsuit on your mom in an effort to make her pay for the mistakes she made while raising you. You could also post an exposé on social media in which you reveal her shortcomings, or organize a protest rally outside her house with your friends holding signs demanding she apologize for how she messed you up. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was ridiculous and false. The truth is, now is a perfect moment to meditate on the gifts and blessings your mother gave you. If she is still alive, express your gratitude to her. If she has passed on, do a ritual to honor and celebrate her.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Aquarian author Alice Walker won a Pulitzer Prize for her novel The Color Purple. She has also published 33 other books and built a large audience. But some of her ideas are not exactly mainstream. For example, she says that one of her favorite authors is David Icke, who asserts that intelligent extraterrestrial reptiles have disguised themselves as humans and taken control of our planet's governments. I bring this to your attention, because I think it's time that you, too, reveal the full extent of how crazy you really are. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. While it's true that now is a favorable time to show more of your unconventional and eccentric sides, I don't advise you to go full-on whacko.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
Warning! Danger! You are at risk of contracting a virulent case of cherophobia! And what exactly is cherophobia? It's a fear of happiness. It's an inclination to dodge and shun joyful experiences because of the suspicion that they will disappoint you or cause bad luck. Please do something to stop this insidious development. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is that you are currently more receptive to positive emotions and delightful events than you've been in a log time. There's less than a one-percent chance you will fall victim to cherophobia.
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HOMEWORK:
What quality or behavior in you would most benefit from healthy self-mocking? Write FreeWillAstrology.com.
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Submissions sent to Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter or in response to "homework assignments" may be published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion, including but not limited to newsletters, books, the Free Will Astrology column, and Free Will Astrology website. We reserve the right to edit submissions for length, style, and content. Requests for anonymity will be honored. We are not responsible for unsolicited submission of any creative material.
Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright 2018 Rob Brezsny
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