Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
August 23, 2017
FreeWillAstrology.com
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My book PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA
is available at Amazon: bit.ly/Pronoia
or Powells: bit.ly/PronoiaPowells
Below are excerpts.
“Don’t just be yourself. Be all of your selves.”
- Joss Whedon
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WORLD KISS
All of creation is alive and conscious, and all of creation deserves our burning, churning, yearning love. All of creation. Not just little parts of it. Not just the special people and creatures and things that we personally find beautiful and helpful and interesting. But everything. All of creation deserves our burning churning yearning love.
If we want to fully evolve into the gorgeous geniuses we were born to be, if we want to give back as many blessings as we are given, we've got to be in love with every single part of the Goddess's extravagant masterpiece.
And so we can't possibly be mere heterosexuals. We can't possibly be mere homosexuals or bisexuals.
If we want to commune with the world the way the Goddess does, we've got to be Pantheosexuals -- we've got to be experts in the art of Polymorphous Perverse Kaleidoscopic and Omnidirectional Goddess Nuzzling. Anything less is a lie, an obscene limitation.
With this in mind, I invite you to perform the ritual of the World Kiss. To do the World Kiss, conjure up your most expansive feeling of tenderness -- like what you might experience when you're infatuated with a new lover -- and then blow kisses to all of creation.
Blow kisses to the oak trees and sparrows and elephants and weeds. Blow kisses to the wind and rain and rocks and machines. Blow kisses to the gardens and jails, the cars and the toys. the politicians and saints, to the girls and the boys and every gender in between.
And with each World Kiss you bestow, keep uppermost in your emotions a mood of irreverent adoration and horny compassion. And remember that it's not enough simply to perform the outer gesture; you've got to have a heart-on in each of your seven chakras.
Hear the song: soundcloud.com/sacreduproar/world-kiss
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DO'S AND DON'T'S
Do play soccer in bunny slippers at dawn in a supermarket parking lot with a gang of Vipassana experts who have promised to teach you the Balinese monkey chant.
Don’t decorate your thigh with a slipshod tattoo of the devil pushing a lawn mower.
Do wear a T-shirt that says, “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
Don’t glide into a bar, scout around for the person whose face has the most pain etched in it, and ask that person to come home with you.
Do chain-smoke Marlboros as you peddle your exercise bicycle.
Do wander through a garbage dump while listening to Mozart.
Don’t pile up framed photos of old flames in a vacant lot and drive a monster truck over them.
Do stage a slow-motion water balloon fight.
Don’t gaze into a mirror and spout, “God damn you, why can’t you be different from who you are?!”
Do shake your fist at the night sky as you call out, “I defy you, stars!”
Don’t tell people you’ve just met that you are the reincarnation of Genghis Khan.
Do pretend sometimes that maybe you mean the opposite of what you’re saying as well as what you’re saying.
Don’t lie on a floor surrounded by wine-stained poetry books, crumpled Matisse prints, abandoned underwear, and half-eaten bowls of corn flakes as you stare up at the ceiling with a blank gaze, muttering gibberish and waving your hands as if swatting away demons.
Do run along the tops of cars during a traffic jam, escaping from the bad guys as you make your way to a helicopter that takes you to a spot hovering over an erupting volcano, into which you drop a DVD of the Buns of Steel video.
Don’t put your soul up for auction on eBay.
Do write a cookbook filled with recipes you’ve channeled from dead celebrities.
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YOUR ADDICTION
Your addiction is obstructing you from your destiny, and yet it’s also your ally. What?! How can both be true?
On the downside, your addiction diverts your energy from a deeper desire that it superficially resembles. For instance, if you’re an alcoholic, your urge to get loaded may be an inferior substitute for and a poor imitation of your buried longing to commune with spirit.
On the upside, your addiction is your ally, because it dares you to get strong and smart enough to wrestle free of its grip; it pushes you to summon the uncanny willpower necessary to defeat the darkness within you that saps your ability to follow the path with heart.
(P.S. Don’t tell me you have no addictions. Each of us is addicted to some sensation, feeling, thought, or action, if not to an actual substance.)
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YOUR CELLS
"The cells in your body are completely loyal to you; they work for you in harmony. We can even say they pray to you. You are their God. That is absolutely the truth. Now what are you going to do with this knowledge?"
—Don Miguel Ruiz
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May the slander, harm
And all forms of abuse
That anyone should direct towards me
Act as a cause of their enlightenment.
- Shantideva
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"I will be waiting here. For your silence to break. For your soul to shake. For your love to wake."
-Rumi
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
How Free Eyeglasses Are Boosting Test Scores in Baltimore
tinyurl.com/y85qbugf
Meow Wolf, the Do-It-Yourself Storytelling Museum
tinyurl.com/y8hmvy2u
Badass Trees That Refuse To Die No Matter What
tinyurl.com/ycc5vtf7
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They aren’t advertisements, and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES: Truthrooster@gmail.com.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning August 24
Copyright 2017 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
What I wish for you is a toasty coolness. I pray that you will claim a messy gift. I want you to experience an empowering surrender and a calming climax. I very much hope, Virgo, that you will finally see an obvious secret and capitalize on some unruly wisdom and take an epic trip to an intimate turning point. I trust that you'll find a barrier that draws people together instead of keeping them apart. These wonders may sound paradoxical, and yet they're quite possible and exactly what you need.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Psychologist James Hansell stated his opinion of psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud: "He was wrong about so many things. But he was wrong in such interesting ways. He pioneered a whole new way of looking at things." That description should provide good raw material for you to consider as you play with your approach to life in the coming weeks, Libra. Being right won't be half as important as being willing to gaze at the world from upside-down, inside-out perspectives. So I urge you to put the emphasis on formulating experimental hypotheses, not on proving definitive theories. Be willing to ask naive questions and make educated guesses and escape your own certainties.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
You're entering a phase of your astrological cycle when you'll be likely to receive gifts at a higher rate than usual. Some gifts could be big, complex, and catalytic, though others may be subtle, cryptic, or even covert. While some may be useful, others could be problematic. So I want to make sure you know how important it is to be discerning about these offerings. You probably shouldn't blindly accept all of them. For instance, don't rashly accept a "blessing" that would indebt or obligate you to someone in ways that feel uncomfortable.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
You are currently under the influence of astrological conditions that have led to dramatic boosts of self-esteem in laboratory rats. To test the theory that this experimental evidence can be applied to humans, I authorize you to act like a charismatic egomaniac in the coming weeks. JUST KIDDNG! I lied about the lab rats. And I lied about you having the authorization to act like an egomaniac. But here are the true facts: The astrological omens suggest you can and should be a lyrical swaggerer and a sensitive swashbuckler.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
I invite you to eliminate all of the following activities from your repertoire in the next three weeks: squabbling, hassling, feuding, confronting, scuffling, skirmishing, sparring, and brawling. Why is this my main message to you? Because the astrological omens tell me that everything important you need to accomplish will come from waging an intense crusade of peace, love, and understanding. The bickering and grappling stuff won't help you achieve success even a little -- and would probably undermine it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Stockbrokers in Pakistan grew desperate when the Karachi Stock Exchange went into a tailspin. In an effort to reverse the negative trend, they performed a ritual sacrifice of ten goats in a parking lot. But their "magic" failed. Stocks continued to fade. Much later they recovered, but not in a timely manner that would suggest the sacrifice worked. I urge you to avoid their approach to fixing problems, especially now. Reliance on superstition and wishful thinking is guaranteed to keep you stuck. On the other hand, I'm happy to inform you that the coming weeks will be a highly favorable time to use disciplined research and rigorous logic to solve dilemmas.
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MY OTHER HOROSCOPES
Factual information and reasonable thinking alone are not sufficient to guide you through life’s labyrinthine tests. You need and deserve regular deliveries of uncanny revelation.
One of your inalienable rights as a human being should therefore be to receive mysteriously useful omens on a regular basis. In this spirit, I offer you the free weekly horoscopes you read here.
If you ever want more, and think it's worth paying for, try my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're four-to-five-minute meditations on the current state of your destiny and where you're headed.
To listen to your Expanded Audio Horoscope online, go to RealAstrology.com.
Register and/or log in through the main page.
You can also listen over the phone by calling 1-877-873-4888.
The cost is $6 per sign on the Web (discounts available for bulk purchases), or $1.99 per minute by phone.
The Expanded Audio Horoscopes work on most smart phones and tablets.
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"Your Expanded Audio Horoscopes provide me with the Rest of the Story. I'm not necessarily a believer in the scientific accuracy of astrology, but I do think you've got a lot of practical wisdom to impart."
- M. Tennenbaum, New York
"No one knows more about me than me. But you're right up there near the top of the list of people who do understand something about how I tick. How is that possible?"
- R. Goren, Albuquerque
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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
In the coming days, maybe you could work some lines from the Biblical "Song of Solomon" into your intimate exchanges. The moment is ripe for such extravagance. Can you imagine saying things like, "Your lips are honey," or "You are a fountain in the garden, a well of living waters"? In my opinion, it wouldn't even be too extreme for you to murmur, "May I find the scent of your breath like apricots, and your whispers like spiced wine flowing smoothly to welcome my caresses." If those sentiments seem too flowery, you could pluck gems from Pablo Neruda's love sonnets. How about this one: "I want to do with you what spring does to the cherry trees." Here's another: "I hunger for your sleek laugh and your hands the color of a furious harvest. I want to eat the sunbeams flaring in your beauty."
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
Welcome to Swami Moonflower's Psychic Hygiene Hints. Ready for some mystical cleansing? Hint #1: To remove stains on your attitude, use a blend of Chardonnay wine, tears from a cathartic crying session, and dew collected before dawn. Hint #2: To eliminate glitches in your love life, polish your erogenous zones with pomegranate juice while you visualize the goddess kissing your cheek. #3: To get rid of splotches on your halo, place angel food cake on your head for two minutes, then bury the cake in holy ground while chanting, "It's not my fault! My evil twin's a jerk!" #4: To banish the imaginary monkey on your back, whip your shoulders with a long silk ribbon until the monkey runs away. #5: To purge negative money karma, burn a dollar bill in the flame of a green candle.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
A reader named Kameel Hawa writes that he "prefers pleasure to leisure and leisure to luxury." That list of priorities would be excellent for you to adopt during the coming weeks. My analysis of the astrological omens suggests that you will be the recipient of extra amounts of permission, relief, approval, and ease. I won't be surprised if you come into possession of a fresh X-factor or wild card. In my opinion, to seek luxury would be a banal waste of such precious blessings. You'll get more health-giving benefits that will last longer if you cultivate simple enjoyments and restorative tranquility.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
The coming weeks will be an excellent time to cruise past the houses where you grew up, the schools you used to attend, the hotspots where you and your old friends hung out, and the places where you first worked and had sex. In fact, I recommend a grand tour of your past. If you can't literally visit the locations where you came of age, simply visualize them in detail. In your imagination, take a leisurely excursion through your life story. Why do I advise this exercise? Because you can help activate your future potentials by reconnecting with your roots.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
One of my favorite Cancerian artists is Penny Arcade, a New York performance artist, actress, and playwright. In this horoscope, I offer a testimonial in which she articulates the spirit you'd be wise to cultivate in the coming weeks. She says, "I am the person I know best, inside out, the one who best understands my motivations, my struggles, my triumphs. Despite occasionally betraying my best interests to keep the peace, to achieve goals, or for the sake of beloved friendships, I astound myself by my appetite for life, my unwavering curiosity into the human condition, my distrust of the status quo, my poetic soul and abiding love of beauty, my strength of character in the face of unfairness, and my optimism despite defeats and loss."
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
The Witwatersrand is a series of cliffs in South Africa. It encompasses 217 square miles. From this area, which is a tiny fraction of the Earth's total land surface, humans have extracted 50 percent of all the gold ever mined. I regard this fact as an apt metaphor for you to meditate on in the next 12 months, Leo. If you're alert, you will find your soul's equivalent of Witwatersrand. What I mean is that you'll have a golden opportunity to discover emotional and spiritual riches that will nurture your soul as it has rarely been nurtured.
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HOMEWORK:
Each of us has a secret ignorance. What's yours? What will you do about it? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.
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Submissions sent to Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter or in response to "homework assignments" may be published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion, including but not limited to newsletters, books, the Free Will Astrology column, and Free Will Astrology website. We reserve the right to edit submissions for length, style, and content. Requests for anonymity will be honored. We are not responsible for unsolicited submission of any creative material.
Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright 2017 Rob Brezsny
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