Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
MARCH 27, 2013
FreeWillAstrology.com
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"With his book PRONOIA -- an instant pop classic
-- Rob Brezsny offers a positive, participatory, proactive vision
of the workings of our inner and outer universe, which will only
give us as much pleasure, love, and ecstasy as we are prepared
to accept."
- Daniel Pinchbeck, author of 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl
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My book
PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA
is available at Amazon: bit.ly/Pronoia
or Powells: bit.ly/PronoiaPowells
Here's an excerpt. You can read or listen to a podcast of the
whole thing here:
bit.ly/xROwHE
PROCEDURE: Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created
for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers
are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the
gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Join the conspiracy
to shower all of creation with blessings.
HYPOTHESES: Evil is boring. Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad
habit. Despair is lazy. Joy is fascinating. Love is an act of
heroic genius. Pleasure is your birthright. Receptivity is a superpower.
DEFINITION: Pronoia is the antidote for paranoia. It's the understanding
that the universe is fundamentally friendly. It's a mode of training
your senses and intellect so you're able to perceive the fact
that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when
you need it.
OBJECTIVE OF PRONOIA: To explore the secrets of becoming a wildly
disciplined, fiercely tender, ironically sincere, scrupulously
curious, aggressively sensitive, blasphemously reverent, lyrically
logical, lustfully compassionate Master of Rowdy Bliss.
GUIDING QUESTION: "The secret of life," said sculptor
Henry Moore to poet Donald Hall, "is to have a task, something
you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything
to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most
important thing is -- it must be something you cannot possibly
do." What is that task for you?
UNDIGNIFIED MEDITATIONS TO KEEP YOU HONEST: Brag about what you
can't do and don't have. Confess profound secrets to people who
aren't particularly interested. Pray for the success of your enemies
while you're making love. Change your name every day for a thousand
days.
TOP-SECRET ALLIES: Sacred janitors, benevolent pranksters, apathy
debunkers, lyrical logicians, ethical outlaws, aspiring masters
of curiosity, homeless millionaires, humble megalomaniacs, hedonistic
midwives, lunatic saints, sly optimists, mystical scientists,
dissident bodhisattvas, macho feminists, and socialist libertarians
who possess inside information about the big bang.
DAILY PRACTICE: Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow
your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine
your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with
your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten
your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart
-- even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are
with all of your so-called imperfections.
TO HEAR OR READ THE REST, go here: bit.ly/xROwHE
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Steal This Image from PRONOIA: bit.ly/wxtW1L
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
GOOD ENVIRONMENTAL NEWS, FOR A CHANGE
A team of researchers has found that air pollution has reduced
dramatically in U.S. National Parks over the last 20 years. Government-sponsored
bills, like the Clean Air Act and the Acid Rain Program, have
had a major impact.
tinyurl.com/cpvj6km
ON THE VERGE OF A MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH
U.S. scientists have identified a natural protein that blocks
HIV, Ebola, Nipah, other pathogenic viruses
tinyurl.com/aay94k5
THIS YEAR IN PRONOIAC HISTORY
In 1861 a slave took over a Confederate ship and delivered it
to the Union. He was later given the ship to command during the
Civil War. After the war he bought the house he was a slave in,
and became a US Congressman.
tinyurl.com/d2gdklz
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning March 28
Copyright 2013 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com
ARIES (March 21-April 19):
I was too lazy to write your horoscope this week, so I went
to a website that hawks bumper stickers and copied a few of their
slogans to use as your "advice." Here you go. 1. Never
follow a rule off a cliff. 2. Have the courage to honor your peculiarities.
3. It's never too late to have a rebellious adolescence. 4. Criticize
by creating. 5. Never make anything simple and efficient when
it can be elaborate and wonderful. 6. Complex problems have simple,
easy-to-understand, morally clear, wrong answers. APRIL FOOL!
I lied. I wasn't lazy at all. I worked hard to ensure that all
the suggestions I just provided are in strict accordance with
the astrological gestalt.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
It's a perfect time to watch the cult classic film Night
of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of
the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien,
Flesh Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead. It will provide
you with just the right inspiration as you deal with your own
problems. APRIL FOOL! I lied. Don't you dare watch any horror
movies. You're in a phase when you can make dramatic progress
in transforming long-standing dilemmas -- but only if you surround
yourself with positive, uplifting influences.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
The coming week will be an excellent time to wash dishes, clean
bathrooms, scrub floors, vacuum carpets, wash windows, do laundry,
and clean the refrigerator. The more drudge work you do, the better
you'll feel. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, you now have astrological
license to minimize your participation in boring tasks like the
ones I named. It's high time for you to seek out the most interesting
work and play possible.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
You know what would be a really cool prank to pull off this April
Fool's Day? Arrange to have rubber tires airlifted into a dormant
volcano, then set them on fire. Smoke will pour out the top. Everyone
who lives nearby will think the volcano is getting ready to explode.
Don't forget to videotape the event for Youtube. Later, when you
reveal the hoax, your video will go viral and you'll become a
celebrity. APRIL FOOL! I don't really think you should try this
prank. It's old hat. Back in 1974, a guy named Porky Bickar did
it to Alaska's Mt. Edgecumbe. Here's my real oracle for you: It
is a good time to boost your visibility by doing something
funny. Or to build your brand by being mischievous. Or to demonstrate
your power by showing off your sense of humor.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
In the animated TV show The Simpsons, ten-year-old
Bart is constantly getting into trouble because of the monkey
business he loves to perpetrate. His teachers punish him by compelling
him to write corrective declarations on the classroom blackboard.
It so happens that some of those apologetic statements should
be coming out of your mouth in the coming week, Leo. They include
the following: "I will not strut around like I own the place.
I will not claim that I am deliciously saucy. I will not instigate
revolution. I will not trade pants with others. I will not carve
gods. I will not Xerox my butt. I will not scream for ice cream."
APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, you SHOULD consider doing things
like that. And don't apologize!
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
The sport of ferret legging is an endurance contest. Participants
vie to determine who can last longest as a live ferret runs loose
inside their pants. The current record is five hours and 26 minutes,
held by a retired British miner. But I predict that a Virgo will
soon break that mark. Could it be you? APRIL FOOL! I misled you.
I don't really think you should put a ferret in your pants, not
even to win a contest. It is possible, however, that there will
soon be a pleasurable commotion happening in the area below your
waist. And I suspect that you will handle it pretty well.
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YOU NEED MAGIC EVERY DAY
Every day, you have to wade through a relentless surge of soul-less
facts. The experience tends to shut down your sense of wonder.
Every day, you're over-exposed to narratives that have been sucked
free of delight and mystery. That's why you have to make such
strenuous efforts to keep your world enchanted.
I like to think I can contribute to the sacred cause of feeding
your sense of wonder and enchantment. In fact, that's one of my
prime motivations for offering you the free weekly horoscopes
you read in this newsletter.
If you ever want more of that good stuff, and think it's worth
paying for, please consider trying out my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES.
They're four-to-five-minute meditations on the current state of
your destiny.
Go here to access them:
RealAstrology.com
You can also listen over the phone by calling
1-877-873-4888
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Risk being a crazed fool for love, Libra. Get as wild and extreme
as you've ever been if it helps you rustle up the closeness you're
hungry for. Get down on your knees and beg, or climb a tree with
a megaphone and profess your passion. APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating
a little. It's true that now is an excellent time to be aggressive
about going after the intimate connection you want. But I suggest
you accomplish that by being ingenious and imaginative rather
than crazy and extreme.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
British comedy team Monty Python did a sketch in which a policeman
apprehends a criminal. The bad guy says, "Yes, I did it,
but society is to blame." And the cop says, "Right!
We'll arrest them instead." You should adopt this attitude,
Scorpio. Blame everyone else but yourself for your problems and
flaws. APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, the truth is the opposite
of what I said. It's time to take more responsibility for your
actions. Bravely accept the consequences of what you've done --
with your sense of humor fully engaged and a lot of compassion
for yourself.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
Banzai skydiving is a step beyond ordinary skydiving. To do
it, you hurl your folded-up parachute out of the airplane, wait
a while, and then leap into mid-air yourself. If all goes well,
you free-fall in the direction of your parachute and catch up
to it. Once you grab it, you strap it on and open the chute, ideally
before you hit the earth. This is the kind of beyond-ballsy activity
that would be perfect for you right now. APRIL FOOL! In truth,
I don't recommend banzai skydiving now or ever. Plain old skydiving
is fine, though. The same principle applies in relation to any
adventurousness you're considering: Push yourself, yes, but not
to an absurd degree.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
Should you relocate to Kazakhstan and grow sunflowers? Is it
time to think about getting a job in Uruguay and living there
for the next ten years? Can you see yourself building your dream
home in Morocco on a bluff overlooking the Atlantic Ocean? I suggest
you spend some quality time thinking way, way outside the box
about where you belong on this earth. APRIL FOOL! I went a bit
overboard in my recommendations. It is true that you should brainstorm
about the kind of home you want to create and enjoy in the future.
But that probably means revising and refining your current situation
rather than leaving it all behind and starting over.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Your brain has a bigger capacity than you realize. According
to professor of psychology Paul Reber, it can hold the equivalent
of three million hours' worth of television shows. As I'm sure
you know, your brain is not even close to being full of that much
data. And in accordance with the current astrological omens, I
suggest you cram in as much new material as possible. APRIL FOOL!
I told you a half-truth. While it's correct that now is an excellent
time to pour more stuff into your brain, you should be highly
discerning about what you allow in there. Seek out the richest
ideas, the most stimulating information, the best stories. Avoid
trivial crap.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
July 2012 was a sad time in the history of mythic creatures.
The National Ocean Service, a U.S. government agency, made a formal
proclamation that there are no such things as mermaids. But I
predict those stuffy know-it-alls will soon get a big shock, when
a Piscean scientist presents evidence that mermaids are indeed
real. APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating. I don't really foresee the
discovery of a flesh-and-blood mermaid -- by a Pisces or anyone
else. I do, however, suspect that your tribe is now highly adept
at extracting useful revelations and inspirations from dreams,
visions, and fantasies -- including at least one that involves
a coven of Buddhist Ninja clown mermaids.
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HOMEWORK:
What quality or behavior in you would most benefit from healthy
self-mocking? Tell how you keep yourself honest. Write Freewillastrology.com.
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2013 Rob Brezsny
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