Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter March 2, 2011

Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
MARCH 2, 2011
FreeWillAstrology.com

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The revised and expanded version of my book PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA is available at Amazon:bit.ly/Pronoia
and also at Powells: bit.ly/PronoiaPowells

Here's an excerpt:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
NEW HOLIDAYS, JUBILEES, & CELEBRATIONS

(To read the entirety of this feature, go here: bit.ly/NewHoliday)

I propose that we establish these new holidays as soon as possible.

UNHAPPY HOUR. During this gala bitch fest, celebrants have license to howl and mutter about everything that hurts their feelings. Having flushed all their venom in one neat ritual spew, they'll be free to enjoy generous thoughts and expansive fantasies the rest of the time.

DARE TO BE BORING DAY. We all deserve a break from the oppressive demands to appear smart and to be entertaining. On Dare to Be Boring Day, it will be socially unacceptable to demonstrate your wit and verve. Long-winded, rambling monologues full of obscure details will be mandatory. The more cliches and buzzwords you use, the better. Tell worn­out stories your friends have already heard many times. Flesh out your disjointed sentences with awkward silences. Discuss at length your plans for switching laundry detergents, the collection of matchbooks you had as a child, and the time you almost traveled to the Wal-Mart in another town, but didn't.

BACCHANALIA. During this week-long extravaganza, work and business will be suspended so that all adults can enjoy se'xual play, whether it be solo, dyadic, or in groups. To promote acceptance of the holiday, the Fool Czar will head up a new Federal Bureau of L'ust. Served by advisors drawn not from the ranks of p'orn stars and scientific sex researchers but from tantrically trained poets and musicians, the Bureau will sponsor educational campaigns to help every citizen learn to honor the libido as a sacred gift from the Goddess.

DO WHAT YOU FEAR FESTIVAL. First, you make a list of the 100 things you're most afraid of. Next, you rate them from one to 100 in order of how badly they scare you. Then you agree to stop obsessing about the bottom 97 fears because they distract you from the three really interesting ones. Finally, you conquer those three by doing them.

BE YOUR OWN WIFE WEEK. Whether you're male or female or transgendered, straight or gay or both, you can observe Be Your Own Wife Week. Here's how. Renounce all your yearnings to be waited on and cleaned up after. Divest yourself of every last deluded wish that someday a special person will come along to magically understand and attend to your every need. Pledge that from now on you will be a connoisseur of taking care of yourself. (This celebration might immediately follow the "Marry Yourself" holiday.)

KOYAANISQATSI. In the language of the Hopi Indians, koyaanisqatsi means "crazy life," "life in turmoil," or "life out of balance." It's usually invoked to describe a culture that's in disarray because of corruption and lack of vision. I'd like to extend its meaning to identify the chaotic states that each of us periodically goes through in our personal life. It's a time when we lose our moorings, when we're out of touch with our moral center. On the one hand, it's uncomfortable and disorienting. On the other hand, the brain-scrambling it stirs up is often a blessing. It flushes out mental habits that no longer serve us. It provokes creative innovations by rearranging the contents of our psyche. Happy Koyaanisqatsi!

TO READ THE ENTIRETY OF THIS FEATURE, go here: bit.ly/NewHoliday

Send me your ideas for even more new holidays at Truthrooster@gmail.com

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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:

THERE'S MORE INTELLIGENCE IN THE WORLD THAN ANY OF US IMAGINES
The Emotional World of Farmer Animals
tinyurl.com/4rb3w7g

LET'S EXPLORE THE SPACE BETWEEN THE CARTOONY EXTREMES
"Possibilianism is a philosophy which rejects both the idiosyncratic claims of traditional theism and the positions of certainty in atheism in favor of a middle, exploratory ground."
tinyurl.com/4eqxo5r
tinyurl.com/4qy58uq

BREAKING THE TABOO AGAINST OPTIMISM
Reasons to be cheerful: Leaders in the business of books reveal what they are optimistic about
tinyurl.com/34laxl4

THE EVIDENCE KEEPS ACCUMULATING
pronoiaresources.com

(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements, and I get no kickbacks.)

Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning March 3

Copyright 2011 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):

If I were you, Pisces, I'd make interesting fun your meme of the week. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will be fully justified in making that your modus operandi and your raison d'etre. For best results, you should put a priority on pursuing experiences that both amuse you and captivate your imagination. As you consider whether to accept any invitation or seize any opportunity, make sure it will teach you something you don't already know and also transport you into a positive emotional state that gets your endorphins flowing.

ARIES (March 21-April 19):

"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place," said Friedrich Nietzsche. So for instance, if you're the United States government and you invade and occupy Afghanistan in order to wipe out al-Qaeda, it's not too bright to continue fighting and dying and spending obscene amounts of money long after the al-Qaeda presence there has been eliminated. (There are now fewer than 100 al-Qaeda fighters in that country: tinyurl.com/forgetwhy.) What's the equivalent in your personal life, Aries? What noble aspiration propelled you down a winding path that led to entanglements having nothing to do with your original aspiration? It's time to correct the mistake.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):

The Carnival season gets into full swing this weekend and lasts through Mardi Gras next Tuesday night. Wherever you are, Taurus, I suggest you use this as an excuse to achieve new levels of mastery in the art of partying. Of all the signs of the zodiac, you're the one that is most in need of and most deserving of getting immersed in rowdy festivities that lead to maximum release and relief. To get you in the right mood, read these thoughts from literary critic Mikhail Bakhtin. He said a celebration like this is a "temporary liberation from the prevailing truth and from the established order," and encourages "the suspension of all hierarchical rank, privileges, norms, and prohibitions."

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):

When Bob Dylan first heard the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, he only made it through the first few tunes. "Turn that s--- off!" he said. "It's too good!" He was afraid his own creative process might get intimidated, maybe even blocked, if he allowed himself to listen to the entire masterpiece. I suspect the exact opposite will be true for you in the coming weeks, Gemini. As you expose yourself to excellence in your chosen field, you'll feel a growing motivation to express excellence yourself. The inspiration that will be unleashed in you by your competitors will trump any of the potentially deflating effects of your professional jealousy.

CANCER (June 21-July 22):

Jungian storyteller Clarissa Pinkola Estes says one of her main influences is the Curanderisma healing tradition from Mexico and Central America. "In this tradition a story is 'holy,' and it is used as medicine," she told Radiance magazine. "The story is not told to lift you up, to make you feel better, or to entertain you, although all those things can be true. The story is meant to take the spirit into a descent to find something that is lost or missing and to bring it back to consciousness again." You need stories like this, Cancerian, and you need them now. It's high time to recover parts of your soul that you have neglected or misplaced or been separated from.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):

You've been pretty smart lately, but I think you could get even smarter. You have spied secrets in the dark, and teased out answers from unlikely sources, and untangled knots that no one else has had the patience to mess with -- and yet I suspect there are even greater glories possible for you. For inspiration, Leo, memorize this haiku-like poem by Geraldine C. Little: "The white spider / whiter still / in the lightning's flash."

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LIFE IS BIGGER AND BETTER THAN ANY OF US CAN IMAGINE

In addition to the horoscopes you're reading here, I create more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. Find out more at RealAstrology.com.

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

"Your Expanded Audio Horoscopes provide me with the Rest of the Story. I'm not necessarily a believer in the scientific accuracy of astrology, but I do think you've got a lot of practical wisdom to impart."
- M. Tennenbaum, New York

"No one knows more about me than me. But you're right up there near the top of the list of people who do understand something about how I tick. How is that possible?"
- R. Goren, Albuquerque

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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

I wouldn't try to stop you, Virgo, if you wanted to go around singing the Stone Roses' song "I Wanna Be Adored." I wouldn't be embarrassed for you if you turned your head up to the night sky and serenaded the stars with a chant of "I wanna be adored, I deserve to be adored, I demand to be adored." And I might even be willing to predict that your wish will be fulfilled -- on one condition, which is that you also express your artful adoration for some worthy creature.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word," said Mark Twain, "is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." Because the difference between the right word and the almost right word will be so crucial for you in the coming days, Libra, I urge you to maintain extra vigilance towards the sounds that come out of your mouth. But don't be tense and repressed about it. Loose, graceful vigilance will actually work better. By the way, the distinction between right and almost right will be equally important in other areas of your life as well. Be adroitly discerning.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

"Dear Rob: In your horoscopes you often write about how we Scorpios will encounter interesting opportunities, invitations to be powerful, and creative breakthroughs. But you rarely discuss the deceptions, selfish deeds, and ugliness of the human heart that might be coming our way -- especially in regards to what we are capable of ourselves. Why do you do this? My main concern is not in dealing with what's going right, but rather on persevering through difficulty. - Scorpio in the Shadows." Dear Scorpio: You have more than enough influences in your life that encourage you to be fascinated with darkness. I may be the only one that's committed to helping you cultivate the more undeveloped side of your soul: the part that thrives on beauty and goodness and joy.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

Acupuncturists identify an energetic point in the ear called the spirit gate. If it's stuck closed, the spirit is locked in; if it's stuck open, the spirit is always coming and going, restless and unsettled. What's ideal, of course, is that the spirit gate is not stuck in any position. Then the spirit can come and go as it needs to, and also have the option of retreating and protecting itself. I'd like you to imagine that right now a skilled acupuncturist is inserting a needle in the top of your left ear, where it will remain for about 20 minutes. In the meantime, visualize your spirit gate being in that state of harmonious health I described.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

In his parody music video, "Sickest Buddhist," comedian Arj Barker invokes a hip hop sensibility as he brags about his spiritual prowess. Noting how skilled he is when it comes to mastering his teacher's instructions, he says, "The instructor just told us to do a 45-minute meditation / but I nailed it in 10." I expect you will have a similar facility in the coming week, Capricorn: Tasks that might be challenging for others may seem like child's play to you. I bet you'll be able to sort quickly through complications that might normally take days to untangle. (See the NSFW video here: tinyurl.com/illBuddhist.)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

The sixth astronaut to walk on the moon was engineer Edgar Mitchell. He asserts that extraterrestrials have visited Earth and that governments are covering up that fact. The second astronaut to do a moonwalk was engineer Buzz Aldrin. He says that there is unquestionably an artificial structure built on Phobos, a moon of Mars. Some scientists dispute the claims of these experts, insisting that aliens are myths. Who should we believe? Personally, I lean towards Mitchell and Aldrin. Having been raised by an engineer father, I know how unlikely it is for people with that mindset to make extraordinary claims. If you have to choose between competing authorities any time soon, Aquarius, I recommend that like me, you opt for the smart mavericks instead of the smart purveyors of conventional wisdom.

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HOMEWORK:

What is the best gift you could give your best friend right now? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?

I'm not doing personal charts, but I highly recommend my astrological colleague, RO LOUGHRAN. Her approach closely matches my own. In our many discussions about astrology over the years, we've had a major influence on each other's work.

Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth, and a high degree of technical proficiency in horoscope interpretation; she is skilled at exploring the mysteries of your life's purpose and nurturing your connection with your own inner wisdom.

Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and otherwise work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.

Ro's website is at YourSoulJourney.com

She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net

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Submissions sent to the Free Will Astrology Weekly Newsletter or in response to "homework assignments" may be published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion, including but not limited to newsletters, books, the Free Will Astrology column, and Free Will Astrology website. We reserve the right to edit such submissions for length, style, and content. Requests for anonymity will be honored with submissions; otherwise, reader names, screen names, or initials will be used. Please be sure to note your preference when sending to us. We are not responsible for unsolicited submission of any creative material.

Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright 2011 Rob Brezsny

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