Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter May 21, 2008

Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
MAY 21, 2008
FreeWillAstrology.com

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"By means of all created things, without exception, the divine assails us, penetrates us, and molds us. We imagined it as distant and inaccessible, whereas in fact we live steeped in its burning layers . . . This palpable world, which we are used to treating with the boredom and disrespect with which we habitually regard places with no sacred association, is a holy place."
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, The Divine Milieu

"Let the body think of the spirit as streaming, pouring, rushing and shining into it from all aides."
- Plotinus

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My book
PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings
is available for sale at
tinyurl.com/qaj62

Here's a look at PRONOIA
by the San Francisco Chronicle's Mark Morford
tinyurl.com/4ks7gt

GET YOUR PRONOIA ON
Read it, learn it, lick it
by Mark Morford

Just to reassure you that there is a sort of luscious divine symmetry to the universe, Rob Brezsny's fabulously weird workbook/reader/throbbing compendium of astounding factoids and breathtaking verbal uppers and orgasmic intellectual sighs, called Pronoia (or, more completely, Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings), Rob's book just got a relatively massive excerpting in the equally radiant Sun magazine (tinyurl.com/4cfy53), thus bringing together two forces of light and heat and joy in a divine cataclysm of literary flora that is simply not to be missed.

Do you subscribe to The Sun yet? Do you have a copy of Pronoia yet? Why the hell not? Do you read Brezsny's famed and beloved Free Will Astrology site (or newsletter) already? Then you know: the guy writes like he's been dipped in chocolate and rolled in electric candy sprinkles and is being licked all over by Shiva's cheerleaders. What, you'd rather skim through Architectural Digest and stare numbly at the $75,000 kitchens that make you feel ugly and small? Please. Get this book. Get this magazine. Up your vibration. Do it now.

Pronoia has so many fascinating interglobal tidbits of cool information, so many gleaming slices of cultural/spiritual commentary per square paragraph, it makes The Farmer's Almanac shudder and sigh. It ain't no linear read. It's a messy cosmic workbook written by horny elves drunk on Laudanum and clouds. I cannot possibly excerpt it sufficiently here, though I do have a favorite line. It is this: "Gravity f--ks me, and I f--k it right back." You have to read it in context, in the flow, with the swear words nicely intact, naked.

Look, it's only 13 bucks at Amazon or 19 at Cody's or Powell's (where your buck does a lot more). And The Sun is only 36 bucks a year for some of the most beautiful and elegant and hype-less and happily ad-free writing you've ever read. You can find the PDF file for Brezsny's Pronoia excerpt on this page: tinyurl.com/4cfy53.

Download it now. Read it. Then buy the book and subscribe to the magazine and wonder how the hell you ever lived without either and then email me and tell me how good it all is and buy me a nice tube of L'Occitane honey incense as a thank-you and let us all swoon in interconnected Yes-ness. Plus, they make amazing gifts. Duh.

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To read news and features from my book, go here: tinyurl.com/lhwx2

You can buy the book here:

AMAZON
tinyurl.com/qaj62

POWELLS
tinyurl.com/3dsx6q

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To listen to and get a free download of "Pagan Jake's Dream Girl," a song from my band's CD Give Too Much, go here:
tinyurl.com/6opbv7

To buy the CD, go here:
tinyurl.com/yqy42p

All the lyrics on the CD are here:
tinyurl.com/6s5ymz

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OTHER PRONOIA RESOURCES:

BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE
Neural Buddhists
Neither the fundamentalist atheists nor the fundamentalist religionists have a clue about what's really going on
tinyurl.com/5qoho8

THE SAVIOR COMES IN MANY GUISES
Six Ways Mushrooms Can Save the World
tinyurl.com/5qd9jw

MIRACLES COME IN MANY SHAPES AND SIZES
It's all connected!
clustarack.com

(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements, and I get no kickbacks.)

Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning May 22

Copyright 2008 by Rob Brezsny
FreeWillAstrology.com

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):

Giuseppe Rebaudi and Silvie Basain started dating in 1952. This year they finally decided to take the next step. After a 56-year courtship, the 101-year-old Italian man wed his 98-year-old girlfriend. I predict that a comparable event will bless your love life in the second half of 2008, Gemini. Some romantic development that has been in the works for a long time will finally ripen into its full expression. Expect news about this soon.

CANCER (June 21-July 22):

If you're normal, you periodically feel little surges of anger that you don't express. Over time they may accumulate into a mass of blind rage that can hurt innocent bystanders, damage your relationships, and tempt you to punch holes in walls. Is there a way to keep this from happening? Yes, there is: It's my patented Laughing Tantrum Release Therapy, a five-minute ritual that you perform once a week in a private place with no witnesses. For four minutes, you fume, seethe, curse, and yell. For the final 60 seconds, you compel yourself to laugh uncontrollably. This week would be an excellent time to start integrating Laughing Tantrum Release Therapy into your routine.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):

Guerrilla gardening is my favorite kind of prank: a benevolent one. The practitioners of this growing global movement are fertility agitators who sneak onto unused fields under cover of broad daylight, often in urban landscapes, and cultivate flowers, herbs, and food crops. In accordance with the astrological omens, I recommend that you experiment with a metaphorically similar project in the upcoming weeks. Without necessarily seeking permission or expecting appreciation, cultivate beauty and value in a place that's neglected or going to waste.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

"Dear Star-Reader Brezsny: You are the only wizard who can save me. I have a bad job -- just $72,000 a year -- plus a lover who's not all that cute and a home that's not worth as much as it used to be. My health is good but I hate my nose and ass. Can't afford a BMW or a vacation to Spain. My world is unraveling! Hope is fading! Please tell me what to do! - Virgo on the Verge." Dear On the Verge: I suggest that you temporarily suspend your strident yearning. This is one time when it's important to cultivate more appreciation for what you actually have. I urge you and all Virgos to turn your attention away from what you think you lack, and devote your psychic energy to loving what is.

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AUDIO LOVE LETTERS

In addition to the horoscopes that come to you in this newsletter, I create more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. I think of them as my love letters to you. They're $6 if you access them on the Web, or $1.99 per minute over the phone.

Try them at RealAstrology.com.

They're available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

"Your expanded astrology thingees help me remember who I really am."
- Gareth N., Toronto

"I never knew it was possible to get my butt kicked and my head patted at the same time -- until I listened to you, Rob."
- Kristi P., Portland, OR

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

Even if you're not sick, you need some medicine. What kind of medicine? The kind that can transform what's pretty good about your life into something that's really great; the kind that will super-animate your merely average efforts and blast you free of any lackadaisical attitudes you've come to accept as reasonable. This medicine won't come in the form of a pill or a potion, but rather will be produced by your own body if and when you slip away from your comfort zone and go out to play in the frontier. Be your own doctor, Libra. Break your own trance. Crack your own code. Escape your own mind games.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

Your life in the coming weeks may resemble a dream of sailing deep beneath the waves in a yellow submarine where a nonstop party is going on. It'll be as if you're plowing through deep, heavy, murky waters inside a brightly-lit high-tech vessel that is controlled by slightly chaotic connoisseurs of fun. You may feel a bit claustrophobic, but that could encourage your imagination to run wild, which will be a good thing as long as you don't believe everything it tells you. In conclusion, Scorpio, get ready for entertaining adventures that will range from being a bit creepy to totally delicious.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

During America's first war on Iraq in 1991, I prophesied that one day there'd be a Disneyland in Baghdad. It was a surrealistically sardonic send-up of my native country's imperialism. But now, 17 years later, my absurd prediction is coming true. The same American company that designed the original Disneyland has announced plans to build the Baghdad Zoo and Entertainment Experience. If workers survive bombing, looting, and sniper fire, the first part of the 50-acre amusement park will open this year. While I question whether building a monument to fun is a good idea in an actual war zone, it's an excellent metaphor for you to apply to your personal life. Even if you can't extinguish a certain conflict that has been raging, try to introduce a spirit of play into the proceedings.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

I'm issuing a too-much-of-a-good-thing warning. Soaking up too much pleasure could dilute the value of your bliss. Expressing too much personal power could scare away valuable allies who are competent but not entirely confident. Pushing too hard on behalf of your creative pragmatism could subtly undermine the labor of love you've worked so hard on. Therefore, Capricorn, please accept my invitation to enjoy a period of rest and assimilation. You can return later for another round of pure intensity.

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AUDIO HOROSCOPES

In addition to the horoscopes that you're reading here, I create more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. Find out more at RealAstrology.com.

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

"You told me the truth when no one else in my life would."
- Darren H., Minneapolis

"Your wake-up calls keep me from getting stale."
- Arris T., Aspen, CO

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Studies show that at least half the population would give up sex for a few months if they'd be rewarded for their abstinence with a free 60-inch plasma TV. But if you're offered a deal like that anytime soon, Aquarius, I suggest you reject it. According to my analysis of the omens, it will be crucial to your mental, physical, and spiritual health to have regular erotic experiences during the coming weeks. If you don't have a partner, have fun with your invisible muse, the angel in your dreams, or your personal version of God or Goddess.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):

A professional dominatrix I know says that many of her clients are men whose jobs give them excessive authority over other people. When she's bossing around these honchos, she sees herself as an agent of karmic correction, counteracting a dangerous lopsidedness in their psyches. I bring this up, Pisces, because you're in a phase when you should rectify any imbalance of power that exists in your own sphere. If you're a swaggering alpha male or female, put in a stint as a humble servant. If you're normally a timid soul, flex your willpower with feisty abandon. If you're neither a control freak nor a doormat -- and thus have no karma to balance -- spend quality time meditating on how to gain more power over the wild ebbs and flows of your imagination.

ARIES (March 21-April 19):

After working for years in various jobs at San Francisco TV station KTVU, Frank Sommerville was promoted to the top of the heap -- lead anchorman of the 10 o'clock news program. He promised that his new power wouldn't make him lazy or complacent. "Nobody will out-curious me," he bragged. I hope you will adopt the same motto for the foreseeable future, Aries. Your world needs you to be intensely inquisitive about what's transpiring. Uncoincidentally, asking lots of smart questions (and even some dumb ones) will also be the best possible thing you can do for your mental health.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):

"The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight for it," said British attorney Sidney Littlewood. I don't endorse that assertion, since it's an offensive ethnic stereotype, but I do want to borrow it to create a cautionary message for you. Please make sure that in the upcoming weeks no one can say to you, "You don't know what you want and yet you are prepared to fight for it." I definitely hope you aggressively champion an idea you believe in or a dream you care about, but you should get clearer about what exactly it is.

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HOMEWORK:

Create a list of five words you consider bad and five words you consider good. Then make up a little chant using them all, and speak the chant aloud 10 times. Testify by going to FreeWillAstrology.com and clicking on "Email Rob."

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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?

I'm not doing personal charts, but I highly recommend my astrological colleague, RO LOUGHRAN. Her approach closely matches my own. In our many discussions about astrology over the years, we've had a major influence on each other's work.

Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth, and a high degree of technical proficiency in horoscope interpretation; she is skilled at exploring the mysteries of your life's purpose and nurturing your connection with your own inner wisdom.

Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and otherwise work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.

Ro's website is at YourSoulJourney.com

She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net

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Submissions sent to the Free Will Astrology Weekly Newsletter or in response to "homework assignments" may be published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion, including but not limited to newsletters, books, the Free Will Astrology column, and Free Will Astrology website. We reserve the right to edit such submissions for length, style, and content. Requests for anonymity will be honored with submissions; otherwise, reader names, screen names, or initials will be used. Please be sure to note your preference when sending to us. We are not responsible for unsolicited submission of any creative material.

Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright 2008 Rob Brezsny

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