Life's Little Lessons - Focus Factor http://ezezine.com
Before the actual text, I want to acknowledge all those who have
suffered damage in the storm on the east coast of the U.S. Aside from
losing all power (likely for several days), I feel fortunate. Because I
am typing this from my hotel room on an iPad (can't access it on my
computer), I am unable to format this as I usually do.
FOCUS FACTOR
"Don't focus on the problem; focus on the solution." Unknown
"Our thoughts create our reality -- where we put our focus is the
direction we tend to go." Peter Williams
"What you focus on grows, what you think about expands and what you
dwell on determines your destiny." Unknown
Imagine walking down the street feeling really good about what you are
wearing and how you look. Then some stranger stops you and says 'what
a great outfit but those shoes look awful.' Where do we place our
focus? of course... on the shoes. We start to second-guess ourselves
and wonder if there is some truth to the criticism.
Think about the times you were doing a great job on a project, a class,
or a performance, and one time you messed up. How much time do you
spend going back to berating yourself for that one time?
If we continue to focus on the negative thing, it takes on a life of
its own. It begins to consume our thinking and soon, we have no
recollection of all those times we did so well or felt so good about
our results.
Somehow, for many people, having a problem seems more natural and
comfortable. Often, when are going rather smoothly, it feels 'off'' or
you find yourself waiting for the 'other shoe to drop.' Therefore, it's
as if you want to focus on a problem so you make a mountain out of a
molehill. For many, it's uncomfortable and foreign to feel as though
everything is running effortlessly. More than likely, this stems from
feelings of "I don't deserve" or "not good enough."
And, what's really common, is if we don't have a 'problem of the week'
we tend to get invested in someone else's problem. Suddenly, we are
very engaged and involved in their problems -- as if we have some
control over them. For many of us, admitting that things are okay is
extremely difficult. It just feels more natural to have some sort of
problem or dilemma.
Below is a 'negative' and 'positive' map (that WAS beautifully
formatted) showing two scenarios where an event produces trauma,
emotion, as well as uncertainty. They are followed by two different
paths our minds can take.
Negative Positive
Event Event
Trauma Trauma
Emotion (hurt, fear, Emotion (hurt, fear, conclusion
conclusion about self) about self)
Uncertainty (lack of Uncertainty (lack of
confidence/question) confidence/question)
Self-doubt RE-FOCUS stay focused on desired
outcome; focus on truth; get results
I want
Pessimism Hope
Reduced effort Increased effort
Failure Positive results
Confirm negative beliefs Esteem
and idea
In the above example, a person experiences an event (i.e. failing the
bar exam) and then feels traumatized. Emotions arise just when we
feel. uncertain, lose confidence, and begin to question ourselves. When
emotions such as disappointment, disgust, shame arise, we then draw
conclusions about ourselves such as:
I'm not smart enough
I didn't study enough
I was overreaching to believe I could do this
I wasn't cut out to be a lawyer, etc.
All of this leading to uncertainty, doubt, and a major lack of
confidence.
It's just at the point of really questioning ourselves, where we have a
choice. We can continue the self-doubt and drift into the downward
spiral that ends in. confirming that we aren't any good (or whatever).
OR, we can re-focus and concentrate on the result or outcome we want
(i.e. I really want to be a lawyer) that is anchored in truth. If we
choose to do that, we may begin to feel hopeful and renew our efforts,
begin to see some positive results, and then feel good about ourselves.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
Remember a time when things felt on track and yet, that felt
uncomfortable. What might you think going forward when things are
feeling good in your life?
Think about a traumatizing event where you found yourself in the
downward spiral of defeat, felt terrible about yourself, and gave up.
And, think about a time when you experienced a traumatizing event and
you remained determined to keep trying to reach your goal despite the
obstacles and setbacks and felt great about the outcome.
What will you choose the next time there is a traumatizing event -- the
negative or positive map?
Marion Franklin, MS, MCC
VIDEO - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyQ_kM5OJpA
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Sent from my iPad