Everyone's got emotional baggage; the question is, what are you doing to unpack that trunk and put it away, so your lovers, friends and relatives don't have to keep tripping over it? Shari Schreiber
Call them "blocks" or "limiting beliefs" or "being stuck" -- but these images and past hurts are nothing more than driving through life with the emergency brake on. Successful people, on the other hand, continually move beyond their comfort zone -- not by using increased willpower, but by replacing their beliefs about themselves and changing their self-image. Jack Canfield
Most women carry handbags filled with all sorts of items that we believe we must have with us at all times. Although most men don't necessarily have bags, they carry wallets, credit cards, loose change, keys, etc.
Interestingly, both men and women carry around many other things that we are not aware of. We carry old messages, and more importantly, limiting ideas and thoughts of who we are, what we can/can't do. We carry these in our minds.
Many years ago I participated in a workshop where the facilitator asked us to select one plastic bag from amongst many that looked like gifts tied with bows. We had no clue what was inside.
As it turned out, the bags were extremely HEAVY! All of the bags were filled with rocks. We were told that no matter where we went - including restaurants, bathrooms, and walking on the street, we had to carry the bag with us.
Why on earth did we have to do this? Each rock represented a negative thought, idea, or belief that doesn't support or serve us well. All things that hold us back and hold us down. And we carry these with us every day -- in our minds.
After walking around with the rocks, we had to identify a negative thought, idea, or belief for each rock (see examples below). We then had to throw them - one at a time - by name, and replace the negative with a positive: "I'm smart." "I can ask for help." "I will end my abusive relationship." "I deserve only supportive friends."
Examples:
I am not thin enough. | I don't have enough time. |
I need more money. | I can't ask for help. |
I am stupid. | I am not lovable. |
I don't deserve better. | I need this relationship. |
I can't get a better job. | I have no choice. |
I am not capable of more. | I am not enough. |
That means that your beliefs are made up based on your history. Believing in them is what makes it true for you! It's helpful to remember that your beliefs are literally made up.... No matter how much evidence you think you have, there is no concrete proof.
The key is to accept that each belief is a choice. Over time, you will begin to notice that you can just as easily collect 'proof' of your positive thoughts as you did of the negative ones.
A study at the University of Texas at Austin (James Pennebaker, 2003) showed that college students who were able to put unpleasant events and beliefs stemming from their past into perspective became physically healthier than those who chose not to deal with any past negative thoughts or emotions.
The problem is that you are unaware of how much 'emotional' baggage you carry around on a full-time basis. While it would be great to just throw it away, it's not quite that simple. However, you can look at how your bags are packed. That is, examine what's inside and not allow so much space or energy for these limiting ideas. Look at your 'suitcase' and note:
- What takes up the most space?
- What's at the bottom and has been there the longest?
- What's the newest item in my suitcase?
- How many items are actually in my suitcase?
We behave and act based on our ideas and circumstances - even if they are on a subconscious level. Our beliefs guide our thoughts, actions, goals, and relationships with other people. The untrue belief is what creates other people's reaction, and so it seems as though it's true. (self-fulfilling prophecy).
Example: A client believed that she wasn't good enough because of her dysfunctional childhood family. Each time she got involved in a new relationship, she allowed her shame about her family to dictate her choices and decisions. When the relationships ended, she believed that she had 'proof' that it ended because of her family history.
Unpacking baggage: exploring, identifying and owning your emotional response to your history is what allows you to move ahead.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
What thoughts, ideas, beliefs, stemming from your past, are in your 'suitcase'?
What can you unpack, examine, and let go of that doesn't serve you?
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I look forward to hearing about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-11. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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