You will never change what you tolerate. Joel Osteen
Interestingly, tolerance is both positive and negative depending upon the context. Just imagine how different political, religious, racial and gender issues might be if human beings were more tolerant (open-minded, patient, understanding) of each other.
Tolerance means acceptance when it stems from a judgmental or positional place. One of my clients didn't like her friend's boyfriend. For a long time, she avoided even asking about him despite her friend believing that her relationship was great. It bothered her when she noticed how it was affecting her feelings toward her friend and then recognized that her judgment was the only thing in the way. She made a conscious decision to become more accepting (tolerant) and realized that nothing changed except her attitude - and with it came a sense of freedom and ease in the friendship.
Tolerance is the ability to accept the existence of something while still disapproving of it.
Our tendency is to believe that our view, opinion, idea is the 'right' one and then we become intolerant and closed to other ideas and beliefs.
Tolerance can also mean compassion and patience, especially with ourselves. Have you ever noticed how many times you berate yourself for forgetting something? Dropping something? Not learning something fast enough? Not feeling good enough?
The only thing it accomplishes is feeling worse about ourselves, and it often leads to reduced effort because we feel defeated. We are so quick to criticize our own behaviors, our progress, and notice our mistakes.
When we practice healthy, loving tolerance of ourselves, we can learn appropriate tolerance for others.
On the other end, are things that we should never tolerate such as abusive behavior. When people do things that go against our values, we can choose not to tolerate destructive behaviors.
Loose button? Chronic complaining? Pile of laundry on the floor? Unsatisfying job? Stain on the couch? Car is like a garbage dump? Eating on the run?
These are examples of things we tolerate (allow, endure, put up with) that actually do more harm than good. Although it may be subtle, these things can cause:
- a drain on our energy
- a lack of peace
- frustration
- feeling tired
- lack of creativity
- lack of focus
- and become a distraction.
The problem is that we don't even realize how much we are tolerating until we stop doing so. And, only then can we become aware of little we want to tolerate.
One clue that you are tolerating something might be when you feel uncomfortable or stressed (may be physical pain or part of your environment). Look for what you are tolerating and remove it. This can lead to personal growth, a feeling of peace, harmony, increased energy, and freedom with no burdens.
We are told that life is difficult and not to complain, to go with the flow, and to be grateful for what we have. That's fine, but what about those things that drag us down? Tolerating can be like managing chaos.
In one instance, tolerance implies having respect for humanity and the ability to change or open our thinking. It seems to fall in the 'thinking/being' category. On the other hand, to tolerate implies that we are putting up with unacceptable behaviors and we need to 'do' something about it.
Serenity Prayer:
G-d grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
-Where could you be more tolerant? More accepting of another viewpoint?
-What are you enduring, putting up with that might be draining you?
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-10. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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