Our thoughts create our reality - where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go. Peter McWilliams
What you focus on grows, what you think about expands and what you dwell on determines your destiny.
Imagine walking down the street feeling really good about what you are wearing and how you look. Then some stranger stops you and says 'what a great outfit but those shoes look awful.' Where do we place our focus? Of course - on the shoes. We start to second-guess ourselves and wonder if there is some truth to that criticism.
Think about the times you were doing a great job on a project, a class, or a performance, and one time you messed up. How much time do you spend going back to berating yourself for that one time?
If we continue to focus on the negative thing, it takes on a life of its own. It begins to consume our thinking and soon, we have no recollection of all of the times we did so well or felt so good about our results.
Somehow, for many people, having a problem seems more natural and comfortable. Often, when things are going rather smoothly, it feels 'off' or you find yourself waiting for the 'other shoe to drop.' Therefore, it's as if you want to focus on a problem so you make a mountain out of a molehill. For many, it's uncomfortable and foreign to feel as though everything is running effortlessly. More than likely, this stems from feelings of "I don't deserve" or "not good enough."
And, what's really common, is if we don't have a 'problem of the week' we tend to get invested in someone else's problem. Suddenly, we are very engaged and involved in their problems - as if we have some control over them. For many of us, admitting that things are okay is extremely difficult. It just feels more natural to have some sort of problem or dilemma.
Below is a 'negative' and 'positive' map showing two scenarios where an event produces trauma, emotion, as well as uncertainty. They are followed by two different paths our minds can take.
"Negative Map"
|
"Positive Map"
|
|
Event | --- |
Event |
Trauma | --- |
Trauma |
Emotion (hurt, fear, conclusion about self) | --- |
Emotion (hurt, fear, conclusion about self) |
Uncertainty (lack of confidence/question) |
--- |
Uncertainty (lack of confidence/question) |
Self-doubt |
vs. |
RE-FOCUS stay focused on desired results and outcome; focus on truth; get results I want |
Pessimism |
vs. |
Hope |
Reduced effort |
vs. |
Increased effort |
Failure |
vs. |
Positive results |
Confirm negative beliefs and ideas |
vs. |
Esteem |
I'm not smart enough
I didn't study enough
I was overreaching to believe I could do this
I wasn't cut out to be a lawyer, etc.
All of this leading to uncertainty, doubt, and a major lack of confidence.
It's just at the point of really questioning ourselves, we have a choice. We can continue the self-doubt and drift into the downward spiral that ends in confirming that we aren't any good (or whatever). OR, we can re-focus and concentrate on the result or outcome we want (i.e. I really want to be a lawyer) that is anchored in truth. If we choose to do that, we may begin to feel hopeful and renew our efforts, begin to see some positive results, and then feel good about ourselves.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
Remember a time when things felt on track and yet, that felt uncomfortable. What might you think going forward when things are feeling good in your life? Think about a traumatizing event where you found yourself in the downward spiral of defeat, felt terrible about yourself, and gave up. And, think about a time when you experienced a traumatizing event and you remained determined to keep trying to reach your goal despite the obstacles and setbacks and felt great about the outcome.
What will you choose the next time there is a traumatizing event --the negative or positive map?
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-12. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
P.S. If you enjoyed this issue, I'd love it if you'd spread the word. Do so by forwarding this to a friend and inviting them to subscribe at the Life's Little Lessons link. Thank you for continuing to read Life's Little Lessons TO READ PAST ISSUES Past Issues (Highly recommended)
Putting Yourself Last? Now it's time for you to step up and take care of number one - YOU. As long as you realize just how drained you are, it's time to learn the skills and get the support you need to quickly learn how to put yourself first WITHOUT being selfish. Take advantage of a 30-minute complimentary phone "IT'S MY TURN" discussion around any area of your life where you are feeling challenged.
*NOTEWORTHY* --**ICF-approved Laser Coaching Program - NEXT: JANUARY
N E W! 3rd Mentor Practicum Group added (see below)
WATCH: YouTube Interview with Life Coach Marion Her expertise is getting to the root of the problem efficiently (laser), skillful direct communication, and creating permanent change in perspective. YouTubeVideo
**Laser Coaching Program (ACSTH or CCEU)**
NOW 60 Approved ICF CREDITS TOWARDS CERTIFICATION -- Next: JANUARY (SOLD OUT) One spot JUST opened! (Sept. sold out as well as the 5 classes before that) so contact me for information NOW.
If you want to become a coach or are calling yourself a coach but deep down questioning your skill level, not feeling overly confident, need a flexible class schedule that fits into your current routine, and not willing to invest a great deal of time and money, then the
"Laser Coach Your Way to Sustainable Success" a 12-week program may be a great choice for you.
The program is limited to 5 people at a time for HIGHLY individualized and customized attention and has been very affordably priced so that it's easy to say 'yes.' For lots of details and TONS of testimonials (with a similar theme... gained confidence; great value), visit the website:
Laser Coaching Program.
ICF Pre-Approved credit towards certification or renewal - 60 ACSTH or CCEUs (Core Competencies) available.
Next group: NEXT: JANUARY (SOLD OUT) One spot JUST opened! (not a marketing gimmick). Grab a spot IMMEDIATELY by contacting me, and I'll answer your questions and address concerns.
Coach With Confidence! -- Practicum Mentor Group**
6 ICF Core Competencies CEU's for every month of attendance
NEW: Mentor Session Snapshot! - Here's a 10 minute peek into my weekly Mentor Group (included in Laser Coaching program) where you will hear a small part of a coaching conversation followed by individual feedback from the group.
CLICK HERE FOR AUDIO SNIPPET
*N O W - 3 Mentor GROUPS -- ALL EXPERIENCE LEVELS
COACHING MENTOR PRACTICUM GROUPS
Newer coaches and/or ACC, PCC, MCC (working towards or RENEWAL): Wednesdays at 1PM or 5PM or 8:30PM (Eastern)
Ways to build your confidence and coaching skills:
JOIN the group and stay for as little as 4 weeks or as long as you like - 6 ICF CEUs per 4 sessions (Only $100 per month)
-*-Want a place to share your client challenges and ask questions?
-*-Feeling a bit insecure about your coaching?
-*-Need a safe place to practice and get supervision?
-*-Want to deepen and lengthen client relationships?
Contact me or click this link for details.