Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead. Jerry Gillies
Far too often, I hear people classify their feelings as 'good' or 'bad.' If someone feels sad, angry, conflicted, jealous, disgusted, they claim it's a 'bad' feeling. If someone feels delighted, happy, blissful, confident, they claim it's a 'good' feeling.
In truth, feelings are neither good nor bad. They simply are feelings. They arise as they do. It's what we do about the feeling that makes the difference. For many adults, recognizing feelings and allowing them is new.
Acceptance of our feelings is often all that is necessary to make them go away. If we allow our feelings to pass through us, accept them, and let them go, the next step comes naturally.
Anxiety/Fear/Despair
For some people, changing the rules in the middle of the game provokes anxiety. For others, it could be running late, an upcoming exam, and for some it could be walking into a crowded room. The point is that everyone experiences anxiety even though there may be different triggers.
Fear is so common and often underlines our inertia, hesitation, uncertainty, etc. Sometimes it is triggered by an event or circumstances and sometimes by a particular person. Often the fear is greater than the event itself.
Typically, we have fear of:
-failure
-making a mistake
-what others think
-success
and that prevents us from doing our best.
Although fear can paralyze us, other times, it's beneficial; it can arise when there is potential danger and alert us to be more cautious.
At a very low point, in our life, we may feel despair - hopelessness, gloom, etc. When the world feels as though it is spinning out of control, our mind makes up stories about how things will play out. There are times that we feel we just can't go on and yet, the world still functions despite what happens with us personally.
According to author Harriet Lerner ("Dance of Anger") only when we experience our emotions as both potential stumbling blocks and wise guides--not either/or--can we begin to live more fully in the present and move into the future with courage, clarity, humor, and hope.
What do these 3 emotions have in common?
Fear, anxiety, and despair are feelings that are inevitable, and everyone experiences them at varying points throughout life.
Below is a story by Gina Barecca to help us handle fear, anxiety, and despair.
Late one night, three demons ambushed an older woman who lived alone. The three demons were manifestations of her worst nightmares: FEAR, ANXIETY, AND DESPAIR. They made a racket ruining what she held dear, disfiguring what she cherished. They spent hours immersed in their rampage feeling confident because she was alone and not so young, so why should they stop?"
As they continued, the woman was inconsequential and the destruction had little to do with her. When she started to build a fire at the hearth, they ignored it. But when they noticed her setting out a kettle, they were baffled. They ratcheted up their activities. When she calmly set out three cups, they stopped in their tracks. "What are you doing?" they cried, breathless from their tasks of destruction. "We are everything in the world that is against you. Why are you boiling water and setting out dishes?" The woman stared at them. "I know all of you by now. You've been here before, and you'll be here again. You might as well make yourselves at home." Raising one eyebrow and fully meeting their gaze, she asked, "What kind of tea would you like?" |
If you feel fear, anxiety, or despair, chances are you are going through an experience. Experiences are memorable and help shape our lives. Not matter how it turns out, they contribute to our wisdom and knowledge about ourselves.
Think about saying "I can" or "I will" and note the difference from "what if?"
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
What triggers you to feel anxious? (traffic, anger, commitments, deadlines, etc.)
What fears wake you up in the middle of the night? (Lack of time, money, being alone?)
When have you felt hopeless and thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel?
Now imagine INVITING any of these emotions for tea. In other words, noticing them, acknowledging them, and accepting them for what they are. It's the negative thoughts that accompany them that take energy and don't resolve the problem.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I look forward to hearing about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-12. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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