A watched pot never boils. (unknown)
I can't wait for Friday. What's taking the elevator so long? When will she call? I want an answer now, not in a few weeks. When will he propose already? How long do I have to wait before hearing from the doctor?
These are common, everyday examples of our impatience. Most people have a hard time waiting - particularly when there is something specific that they want to get, do, have, etc.
Notably, many of these things are not in our control. There are situations in life where we truly have no say as to 'when' they will occur. Yet, we get impatient and anxious and dwell on the time it's taking.
It is the unknown that drives most of us crazy. That sense and feeling of not knowing when, how, why, where has our thoughts going rampant. Does that really affect the outcome? Not at all.
Things work out in their own time, so being impatient and constantly checking will just make it seem longer (such as the boiling water). Although it's an illusion, it works against us to focus on the time elapsed.
Oftentimes, despite our wanting an answer (or result), we are far better off waiting. For some reason, the time is not right, the decision may alter many things, the results may not be consistent, etc. (Be careful what you wish for comes to mind.) Sometimes, jumping to decisions rather than enduring the unknown leads to regret, impulsivity, and haste. Waiting is considered a positive, powerful action.
I am working with a client whose relationship is in limbo. He expected a solid commitment, but his girlfriend isn't ready. He was lamenting about how he wished she would make up her mind. I invited him to consider that it could likely be at least six months before she is definitive.
Interestingly, that relieved the pressure he was placing on himself. Once he knew that it might be quite a while, he was able to let go of the constant wondering. He now has a perspective that allows him to relax rather than dwell on his circling thoughts about 'when' and 'if' she will commit.
Just as I set an artificial deadline for completing a project - it's a lot easier to wait for something if you know there's a minimum timeframe.
A client is building a house and has been anxious to see it completed. Once we established an outside timeframe (at least another 3 months, possibly sooner), she was able to let go of the constant fear and anxiety about her move.
When we were younger, we couldn't wait:
--to be older
--to go off to school
--to be independent
--to make our own decisions - our way.
We couldn't wait.... But we had to because these things were not in our control. Now when we wait, we often forget that time is precious.
I can remember meeting a young mother with a small child who, in her frustration, said "I just wish my child would be grown like yours." I said to her "nobody's child grows up instantly."
I've often heard inexperienced professionals say they are waiting to get more experience, training, schooling before declaring themselves as professionals. It's that waiting that actually stops them from moving forward and gaining the experience they need. When people wait until they feel ready, generally they never start.
Often, people wish that ended relationships will rekindle. Although the chances are slim to none, the waiting only creates anxiety and frustration.
We just need to come to terms that things happen when they do and when they come, it will be the right time whether we agree or not. Waiting serves a purpose. Pregnancy lasts nine months; flowers bloom, butterflies emerge when ready, etc.
Although waiting isn't easy or fun, it is often necessary. Usually, the answer is not something that we can control or 'make happen.'
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
When have you lived with unnecessary stress, fear, and anxiety while waiting impatiently for something that eventually came? What happened to living and enjoying the moment?
What would it be like to wait knowing exactly how long it will take to get an answer? We could let go of the angst in the meanwhile. So make up an outside timeframe - and then wait patiently.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I look forward to hearing about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-11. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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