It’s hard to imagine that this is the 95th issue (start of the 9th year) of Life’s Little Lessons. Aside from a few repeats, I have written an article every month for eight years. The toughest challenge for me is finding a topic where I can research ideas and quotes as well as have relevant client or personal experiences.
In preparing this month’s issue, I started (as usual) by researching and writing about a topic. When I realized that I wasn’t totally passionate, I abandoned it. At this point, I must have at least 15 ‘started’ lessons.
I read a great story about a woman who wanted to poison her mother-in-law and wanted it to look as though she was completely innocent. Believing that she was slowly poisoning her, she chose to be as nice and kind as possible to avoid any suspicion. In that process, her mother-in-law changed and became so kind and loving that the woman then chose to change her mind and appreciate her mother-in-law’s greatness.
She realized that she wasn’t slowly poisoning her but rather giving her vitamins, and by giving kindness, she received it in return. I got all excited about using that story and then realized I have already written about “Giving: Give What You Need” (2004) so that didn’t work.
Then I looked through my ‘started’ Life’s Little Lessons and this quote grabbed my attention:
Do what you feel in your heart to be right -- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Eleanor Roosevelt
It spoke to me because I had started another topic based on a cartoon that truly resonated with me. When researching the topic (jealousy and envy), I realized it was quite complex and requires a great deal of thought and examples. That’s usually my signal to save it for another time.
So, this month I’m going to abide by Eleanor Roosevelt’s words – “Do what you feel in your heart to be right…..” Right now, that means letting go and not writing a typical lesson when I feel that it would be forced or obligatory just because it’s time for one. Yes, I expect that some of you will forgive me for not fleshing out a topic as I usually do, and others may not approve or feel annoyed or disappointed.
In truth, the lesson of ‘following my heart’ is not an easy one. I suspect there will be judgments-- “damned if you do, and damned if you don't.” Nonetheless, I’ve learned that going with my gut vs. my thinking can be very healthy. I don’t really know what you are expecting. It’s all made up in my mind and contributes to my judging myself.
Unfortunately, that’s the way we typically think. We get ideas about what other people will think, how they might judge us, and then we do things that we don’t really want to do. Sometimes, we convince ourselves that it’s better to do them just to avoid the supposed judgments instead of staying true to ourselves.
Often, people do something motivated by a ‘should.’ Client example: I need to take that new job because my wife will respect me more. The goal was to help him realize that his perceived idea may or may not be accurate, and more importantly, dismisses what he really wants. By taking the job, he would give up a part of his authentic Self. By looking closely at the thoughts that created the notion, he had a choice of being true to himself and potentially earning more respect or compromising himself over an idea that may not be true.
So – I’m letting go of what I ‘should’ do and my perception that you will be disappointed, and sending out this issue.
Below are many profound quotes about letting go.
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. Raymond Lindquist
Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. Herman Hesse
The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there is gold in letting go of them. John Seely Brown
There is no need to miss someone from your past. There is a reason they didn’t make it to your future. Unknown
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. Lao Tzu
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. Joseph Campbell
When one door closes another door opens; but so often, we look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. Alexander Graham Bell
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
What does following your heart mean to you?
What idea or perception can you let go of that will help you move forward?
What is keeping you from following your heart? -- Fear of rejection? Not being liked? Perceived regrets? Need for approval?
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I look forward to hearing about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-11. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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