Recently I watched a video news clip that is still haunting me. A mother is forcing her (high school) son to spend two weeks on a busy street holding a large sign listing his academic failures in an attempt to motivate him. It seems that the mother is so desperate to motivate her son, she resorted to public humiliation. (Not sure why this isn't considered child abuse.) I am willing to bet that in her frustration, she never tried reinforcing the positives or offered any kind of encouragement.
Here is a parable about the difference words can make. (Author Unknown)
A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the unfortunate frogs they would never get out. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit.
The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and simply gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and suffering and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs asked him, "Why did you continue jumping. Didn't you hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time. |
Think of the times when someone has said to you:
"Stop looking already, you will never find it."
"Don't even bother, it won't work."
"You are wasting your time."
What if you want to keep going against all odds?
What has someone said to you that ...
- spurred you on to victory?
- got you to complete something that seemed impossible?
- kept you going when the going got tough?
Sometimes all it takes are some encouraging words that make all the difference. When the doctor says, "You have a 17% chance of survival, not very good odds," you may think 'It's all over.' Imagine if the doctor instead encouraged you and said "You have a 17% chance of survival, and you can be among those that make it." What a different sentiment (and possible outcome) by changing only a few words!
The other day one of my calculators stopped working. I tried many times to open the battery cover, but the screw just kept turning but not loosening the cover. I was all set to throw it away and buy a new one. Then I thought to myself 'there has to be a way to get that cover off.' I tried again, with the same screwdriver, -- and got the cover off.
At times all it takes is one person who believes in you - and who is willing to share that belief as in the Oscar winning film "The King's Speech." Sometimes it only takes our own positive thought to believe in ourselves, but often we have such difficulty believing in ourselves. When there are obstacles, we become pessimistic and the feeling of defeat and loss comes so easily. When we say to ourselves this seems hopeless, or someone tells us, 'don't bother,' we likely feel discouraged and give up. When we tell ourselves, or someone tells us, that we can do it, we feel encouraged, hopeful, and make an extra effort. Often, it's what we choose to believe that makes the difference.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
Think about a time when someone discouraged you and the results of those words.
Think about a time when someone encouraged you and how you began to believe in yourself and kept going.
It takes the same amount of energy and words, so encourage another person and know that you might be influencing a major impact on the outcome.
Someone will be grateful.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I look forward to hearing about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-10. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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