Since this topic is complex, and I researched it in preparation for a talk, it doesn't make sense to eliminate any of these pertinent quotes before the text.
Brilliant minds are no different from others in that we all avoid vulnerability, risk, embarrassment and the appearance of incompetence. Wendy Gordon
The final freedom is choosing to live who you are - especially when it's scary, uncertain, inconvenient, or unpopular. Kim George
We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. May Sarton
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are. Carl Gustav Jung
Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those that matter... don't mind... And those that mind... don't matter. Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
A lot of the conflict you have in your life exists simply because you're not living in alignment; you're not be being true to yourself. Steve Maraboli
We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity. Barbara de Angelis
Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth becomes more important than looking good. Alan Cohen
Where's the Line?
Thomas Leonard, the founder of coaching as we know it today, lived a relatively short but exceptionally productive life. He was a true inspiration as he never stopped giving, sharing, and creating new, relevant material. He had an uncanny knack for evoking provocative thinking. Despite his adored status, he revealed his vulnerability by sharing personal things such as posting photos of every room in his home. Thomas transcended the usual lines or limits that we place on ourselves. Part of what made him so special is that he acted as if there were no lines.
Authenticity is about knowing who you really are and what you want. Usually, we quickly know what we don't want, but think about what you do want. What is really important to you?
Thomas truly lived an authentic life. He was able to embrace his vulnerability while at the same time know that his results were not connected to his self-worth. This allowed him to be open, honest, and at times outrageous. Part of his charisma and authenticity was his willingness to 'put himself out there' not fearing consequences, and learning from his mistakes.
According to Brene Brown who studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame, those who can fully embrace vulnerability without fear of consequences are the happiest, most content people. They are not concerned with controlling and predicting. She says, "If we numb vulnerability, we numb joy and happiness." People who believe "I am enough" are authentic." Great video of her 20-minute talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
If vulnerable is a willingness to be seen as you are with no mask, authentic, this brings up questions for me around my comfort zone. Writing this newsletter has been difficult, and I realize it's because I AM concerned about the outcome and about readers getting value. What do I reveal? How will I be perceived? Where and why do I draw the line between authenticity and vulnerability?
What occurs to me is that I draw lines that I believe keep me 'safe.' These same lines keep me from authenticity and embracing vulnerability.
A client shared her story of betrayal and adultery. She ended her marriage and eventually remarried. Yet, she has difficulty allowing herself to be truly authentic because the idea of being vulnerable is so frightening. Vulnerable can mean that we open ourselves up to harm. And, it can also mean that we don't have to be afraid of the consequences.
Excerpt from Blog Post (with permission) I wasn't one of the managers who lost their job during that restructuring which goes to my point that, you have to know who you are - TRULY ARE. All else comes from that knowing. To be authentic, you must know your strengths, but more importantly know your weaknesses so you can partner with people who can boost them and compliment you. Holly Dietor, Communications Consultant, http://hollydietor.blogspot.com/
Thomas called this 'arranging confidence.'
-- If you allow yourself to be seen as you are, is there a line where that becomes detrimental?
-- What is it like to live from a place of truly knowing and accepting who you are?
-- What if you lived every day without fear of the outcome or results? What would you do differently?
When we hold back and don't admit what we truly think or feel for fear that we will be wrong or appear stupid, we miss out on living authentically (joy, freedom, adventure, etc.) Where is the line between giving too much of ourselves (people pleasing) and being authentic?
People with a strong sense of Self feel worthy of love and belonging. Developing that sense takes focus and awareness. Most of us (deep down) don't believe that we are worthy, and thus fear vulnerability.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
- Are you drawing the line too close? Out of fear or based on reality?
- What if there were no lines - What might be different for you?
- What if you were always open, honest and authentic? Where are you holding back?
- How would your life be different if you stepped outside of your comfort zone?
- What can we learn from those that inspire us?
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-10. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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