Repeatedly, I hear about someone's bad experience. What I consistently find so fascinating about it is that there were many opportunities to speak up and express disappointment or sentiments that could have changed the circumstances and certainly the outcome. Yet, people tend to stay quiet and suffer.
Astoundingly, one former client would bottle things up until she exploded. Then she would want to dump every negative thought she had been feeling and then run away from the scene. Things could easily have been changed early on and this outcome prevented, but she consistently chose to complain to everyone except the person who could affect a difference. Had she simply asked for what she needed, she would most likely have had a satisfactory ending.
Recently, after purchasing a car, I had been contacted by corporate headquarters about the buying experience. We had a 10-minute conversation in which I provided many details. This was followed by an online survey request. After responding to the questions, I noted that the survey didn't allow for all of my feedback and comments. In essence, it was a poorly designed survey that didn't appear to provide any valuable information when completed. So, I sent a note letting them know. They called me for more feedback on the survey itself. In appreciation for my comments, they offered me an extended maintenance plan. Had I not spoken out about my experience and about the survey, I would have felt as though I had wasted my time, that no one really cared about what I had to say, and received nothing in return for my effort.
When I was boarding a plane for a trip, I bought a bottle of water and a health bar that I had never seen before. After eating it on the plane, I loved it so much that I literally saved the wrapper to find it again. I googled them online only to find that very few places in the U.S. carry that brand. When I was in one of my local supermarkets, I happen to ask the manager if he ever heard of that brand and he pointed to an obscure display with several varieties. Had I not asked, I would still be searching for them.
People who learn to ask for what they want experience less stress and more joy.
The first step is to get clear on exactly what it is you want.
When attending a group meeting, each person was asked to express their thoughts on a specific topic. It was also clear that each person would have a finite amount of time to share based on the number of people and the ending time of the meeting. Two of the participants did not have a chance to speak and one had serious regrets. He said that by holding back and waiting to hear what others had to say so that he could sound knowledgeable, he realized too late that he lost his opportunity.
There are times when it makes sense to speak up and say what you want because by not doing so, you are guaranteed to not get it. Unless others know what you want and what is important to you, it can't be an option. This doesn't necessarily mean that you will get what you want - but at least you have a chance.
What allows some people to ALWAYS ask for what they want whether they get it or not? Yet, they are willing to ask for it?
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
How many times have you chosen to stay quiet and not speak up for something and then have regrets?
Were you:
Afraid that people would think you ask for too much?
Afraid that you might not get what you want?
Afraid that you would be seen in a bad light?
Sometimes, when we believe it won't change anything, we stay quiet - never knowing the result of "what if I had asked."
So what are the things that hold you back from doing so?
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-10. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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