"If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people." Confucius
The alarm clock rings; we get out of bed and prepare for the day. We might check our calendar to see what is scheduled. Or, the weekend is approaching and we have plans with the family and/or with friends. We have everything in place - or so it seems.
What prompted this topic was the volcanic ash spewed from Iceland. I kept thinking about the people who had plans to visit, business meetings, a wedding, a funeral, a reunion, etc. and they were stranded and unable to move forward with their well- conceived plans.
How many times have you plotted and planned and imagined how things would go and then something interrupted the plan and it was changed forever?
How many people:
--get married and after a period of time realize it's not what they hoped it would be?
--start a career only to realize that they aren't really passionate about it and want to make a change?
--love what they do and come to work one day and find out they are being laid off?
Think about 9/11, Enron, John F. Kennedy, Lincoln, Natasha Richardson and many others whose lives and livelihoods were terminated unexpectedly or permanently altered because of unexpected circumstances.
None of these things are planned. It's called 'life' - and life happens and often does not proceed according to our plans. In the book, The Five Things We Cannot Change (David Richo), one of them is:
Our Fear Around It | How We Mask Our Fear | What to Embrace |
Our expectations will not be met | Plan every detail and try to stay in control | Accept what happens and learns from it |
After graduating from college, a client shared a story about plans to move to another city and find a suitable job. Within weeks of graduation, he became seriously ill and recognized that all of his best laid plans would either have to be put on hold or may never happen. Once he had totally surrendered and accepted his situation, he could make the best of the time period before resuming his intentions. (Eventually he went forward with the original plan.)
When plans fail or get altered by circumstances, our tendency is to feel disappointed and perhaps disillusioned. Typically we react by feeling blame, fear (now what?), or anger. By definition, PLAN = something that somebody intends or has arranged to do. Accepting that plans are an intention or arrangement can be valuable.
While we can advocate like crazy for something that we believe can be changed, the only solution to that which cannot be changed is to surrender.
Recently, I planned a family visit on a particular day and time. Circumstances didn't allow it to go how I had envisioned. At first, I felt annoyed. It took a while to realize that the original plan was not meant to be and that my wanting it to be different was the only cause of my suffering.
When you give up seeking the safety of control, order, and foolproof rules, you can live as though everything is moving toward what it is meant to become.
The bad breaks that happen in every life lead us to discover the meaning of karma - all actions have consequences, and some we can't anticipate. A story in Newsweek referred to two scientists working on a cure for malaria. As children, one had malaria and the other tuberculosis. They said that their unexpected circumstances led them to becoming world-renowned scientists.
Once we let go of believing that we know what is the best plan, and let go of the outcome, we will expend a lot less wasted energy and feel a sense of calm far more often.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
Think of a time when you had a great plan in place and something got in the way and you had to either forgo it completely or make drastic changes.
How could you have prevented the gravity of your disappointment or anger or blame? What, if anything, did you learn from your experience - other than plans don't always work out as we expect?
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-09. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
P.S. If you enjoyed this issue, I'd love it if you'd spread the word. Do so by forwarding this to a friend and inviting them to subscribe at the Life's Little Lessons link. Thank you for continuing to read Life's Little Lessons TO READ PAST ISSUES Past Issues (Highly recommended)
Any relationship conflicts you want to discuss: family? friend? co-worker? boss? employee? Take advantage of a 30-minute complimentary phone "RELATIONSHIP MAKEOVER" discussion around any area of your life where you are feeling challenged.
*NOTEWORTHY* -- **ONE spot left! - Laser Coaching Class for new and experienced coaches wanting to master coaching skills and gain confidence.**Laser Coaching Program**
NOW 42 ICF CREDITS TOWARDS CERTIFICATION -- ONE spot left!
If you want to become a coach or are calling yourself a coach but deep down questioning your skill level, not feeling overly confident, need a flexible class schedule that fits into your current routine, and not willing to invest a great deal of time and money, then the
"Laser Coach Your Way to Sustainable Success" a 12-week program may be a great choice for you.
The program is limited to 5 people at a time for HIGHLY individualized and customized attention and has been very affordably priced so that it's easy to say 'yes.' For lots of details and TONS of testimonials (with a similar theme... gained confidence; great value), visit the website:
Laser Coaching Program.
ICF Pre-Approved credit towards certification - 42 CCEUs available.
Next group: THIS WEEK -. Reserve IMMEDIATELY by contacting me.
Coach With Confidence! -- Practicum Mentor Group**
6 ICF Core Competencies CEU's for every month of attendance
*N O W - 2 Mentor GROUPS -- ALL EXPERIENCE LEVELS
COACHING MENTOR PRACTICUM GROUPS
Newer coaches and/or ACC, PCC (working towards or RENEWAL): Wednesdays at 1pm ET (4pm PT) or 8:30pm ET (5:30pm PT)
Ways to build your confidence and coaching skills:
JOIN the group and stay for as little as 4 weeks or as long as you like - 6 ICF CEUs per 4 sessions (Only $100 per month)
-*-Want a place to share your client challenges and ask questions?
-*-Feeling a bit insecure about your coaching?
-*-Need a safe place to practice and get supervision?
-*-Want to keep deepen and lengthen client relationships?
Contact me or click this link for details.