Q: Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left?
A: Five....... Why? Because there is a difference between deciding and doing. Mark L. Feldman & Michael F. Spratt
Should I move to another state away from my friends and family where I have a fabulous job offer OR should I stay here near my friends and family and keep looking for a new job?
Seems like a common decision that people have to make. So, how do you decide? The conventional way is to begin by listing pros and cons. Perhaps it even includes giving emphasis to the aspects that have greater value. Yet, in the end, does this really help you make a sound decision?
Usually, we either feel relief or regret after making a decision. There may be a way to:
-- avoid or minimize regret
-- prevent making the decision based on 'running away' from what we currently have.
Ultimately, our decisions have both emotional and intellectual input even if we don't realize it. The intellectual way of reasoning can only go so far.
What I've discovered is a method that often helps to make a decision based on a realistic outcome.
Example: A client had to make a decision as to which school to attend. Each had pros and cons. So I painted two pictures with details of each option as follows:
Suppose you have just chosen School A.
- You are close to home so you can visit your family and friends often.
- Your clothes work just fine because the climate is similar to what your current one.
- The school doesn't offer the exact major or some of the classes you really wanted, and they are rather large and impersonal.
- It's hard to get an appointment with your professors.
- Your dormitory is far from the classrooms because it's such a huge campus so you are constantly referring to your campus map to get around.
- are far away from your friends and family so visiting them other than standard vacation time won't be easy.
- You had to buy a lot of new clothes because of the different climate.
- You love your classes - they are small with lots of attention and the professors seem to take a personal interest in each student.
- You learned how to get around quickly because it's not a very large campus and it's easy to make new friends.
- Often, you miss your friends and family.
Inevitably, when painting a detailed picture that includes all of the pros and cons, sometimes with exaggeration, AS THOUGH IT HAS ALREADY OCCURRED, we get a visceral reaction without realizing it. This even works for those that normally don't have easy access to their emotions. The key is to describe the situation has though it is already a reality rather than something that will occur in the future. It allows you to truly picture yourself in the situation and know what it is you really want.
"Running Away" Decision
Suppose you have a grueling job that requires constant overtime and occasional weekends. Your boss is demanding and micromanaging. You make a terrific salary, have great benefits, and wonderful co-workers. You may choose your next position for the wrong reasons. Although, there is less time required, a kind boss, etc., you make a lot less money and can't stand your co-workers. What happened?
The decision was a reaction based upon your current situation vs. coming from a neutral place and really imagining yourself already in that position. Had that been the case, you may have realized that the money, benefits and great co-workers are more valuable to you.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
The next time you have to make a decision (major or minor), paint a full picture with all of the pros and cons using language that implies that the decision has already been made and the results are being realized. Example: "I just sat around the pool, read a book, and sipped daiquiris." vs. "I just got off the bus, my feet are sore, and I just saw a beautiful mountain range with breathtaking views." Include details to paint your picture.
Also, consider if your decision may be a 'reaction' to your current situation rather than coming from a neutral place that truly supports your values and what works best for you.
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-09. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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