Dear Parents,
How To Gain Respect
Most parents gain respect by doing their best to be caring responsible adults who provide
all the basics of a home life and then all the extra activities that kids get to experience.
A good level of respect can be fostered from this approach.
However, there is also another additional way -- a way that can take respect to a very
deep level between your son or daughter.
It is often overlooked because it can be scary for many parents.
That way is to admit when your daughter or son is right !
Yes -- sometimes 'they are right' and you as a parent made a mistake, or their idea
was better, or their way was better, or whatever.
Working with many teens over the years in a school setting I've had occasions to practice
this myself. Yes - I can be wrong at times!
What I noticed is something profound happens when a teen has an adult look them in the
eyes and say something like:
When I have had to use one of the above examples with a teen I've had a teen
look at me in a kind of dazed awe.
When parents have done this with their teens they often experience a kind of connection
that increases trust and RESPECT.
What makes it difficult for many parents is that it can feel very awkward -- especially if they
grew up in a family where they never experienced an adult admitting they were wrong or
made a mistake. A family culture where adults were put up on a pedestal and never
questioned or challenged.
I have seen teens 'surrender' their attitude and give respect for an adult that has the
strength and courage to admit when they were wrong and the teen was right.
Earned respect is respect that lasts.
It's deeper than any respect received from demanding or out of fear..
Sometimes it's the parent's fear of losing control that keeps arguments going with a teen
for longer than necessary.
However, by actually admitting you made a mistake or were wrong in some way actually
increases the respect a son or daughter will have for you.
Trying to control a teens behaviour can be exhausting and often decreases the respect you get.
By being the adult and admitting a mistake actually increases respect for you and can
actually lead to your son or daughter listening to your wishes more as well -- with respect!
All the best in your Parenting,
-- Klaus Klein
------------------------------
Klaus Klein MA, RCC
BC Registered Cinical Counsellor
E-mail: klaus@kdkcounselling.com
Tel: 604-786-0709