Hope
Over the past month, there have been two major news stories that have captured our attention. The first, of course, is the extraordinary rescue of the 33 Chilean miners who survived 69 days underground after the mine that they were working in collapsed. The other is the story of the unfortunate Rutgers student who took his own life after his roommate and the roommate's friend exposed his homosexuality online. Looking on the surface of these two stories, one might not readily see a connection, but from a psychological perspective, it is interesting to consider how the element of hope figures into both.
On the one hand, we have a group of men who understand their mutual interdependence on each other to survive. For the 17 days before they were discovered to be alive, these men seemed to have put aside their personal needs and differences in favour of those of the group, knowing that their very survival depended on it. They created structure in their daily lives, shared what meager food they had and cared for each other. And when they learned that they were found, their spirits were raised, their resolve strengthened and their hope increased, knowing that there were others out there to help, support and rescue them. Throughout the ordeal, they seem never to have lost faith and hope in their desire and ability to live.
On the other hand, we have three, bright, 18 year-old students at the start of their studies at a prestigious Ivy-League school. What should have been the beginning of an exciting and rewarding four years, turned to tragedy in less than a month. Two young men shared a dorm room; the third, a female, occupied another room. One evening, one of the young men asked his roommate for some privacy and the roommate and female friend decided to spy on him with a hidden web cam. When they discovered that he was having sex with another man, they streamed the encounter live with the following tweet, "I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."
What prompts this behaviour? What would the thinking be of two otherwise bright minds to consider doing such a humiliating, hurtful and hateful thing to another human being? We could speculate all sorts of reasons. The two might not have perceived their actions as malicious, but just a prank to make fun of a fellow student. Or the roommate may have been upset about having to vacate his room, and wanted to ensure that this wouldn't become a normal practice. Or he may have had suspicions of sharing his room with a gay man and now had proof to share with others, perhaps to mock, to punish or to use as ammunition to distance himself from being associated with that sort of behaviour.
After all, what greater taunt or insult could one hurl at a classmate than calling him 'gay.' A stroll through any schoolyard will convince you of this. And there is enough evidence of the impact of these taunts in the number of attempted and realized suicides, four times that of the heterosexual population. In the past month alone, four other youths between the ages of 13 and 19 have committed suicide after years of anti-gay bullying.
In the wake of these suicides, Daniel Radcliffe (aka Harry Potter), said the following: "These young people were bullied and tormented by people that should have been their friends. We have a responsibility to be better to each other, and accept each others' differences regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity, race, ability, or religion and stand up for someone when they're bullied."
Why did the Rutgers student jump to his death? It is believed that he had spoken to his resident assistant asking for another roommate and that the RA was taking the allegations seriously. It is also believed that he had some support from an online gay community site. But he had been betrayed by people that he thought were his friends, that were taunting him for being different and this was likely not the first time that this had happened to him. Trust had been broken, he was exposed for all to see, and like most people who choose to end their lives, he saw little hope of things improving in the future.
In response to the spate of recent suicides, American journalist Dan Savage has created a YouTube website called "It Gets Better" (it gets better site:youtube.com).There is also a national 24-hour, toll free confidential suicide hotline for gay and questioning youth called The Trevor Project (1.866.488.7386 - thetrevorproject.org.). In Toronto, there is the LGBT Youth Line at 416.962.2232 (www.youthline.ca) and the Central Toronto Youth Services at 416.924.2100, extension 245 (www.ctys.org.).
And please let me know if I can be of any help.
Barbara Fish, M.Ed.
Personal and Career Counsellor
416 498-1352
barbara@barbarafish.com
www.barbarafish.com
“Helping Your Life Work”
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