Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
March 27, 2013
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"With his book *PRONOIA* -- an instant pop classic -- Rob Brezsny offers
a positive, participatory, proactive vision of the workings of our inner and
outer universe, which will only give us as much pleasure, love, and ecstasy
as we are prepared to accept." - Daniel Pinchbeck, author of *2012: The
Return of Quetzalcoatl*
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*PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA*
is available at Amazon: http://bit.ly/Pronoia
or Powells: http://bit.ly/PronoiaPowells
Here's an excerpt. You can read or listen to a podcast of the whole thing
here:
http://bit.ly/xROwHE
PROCEDURE: Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your
amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working
behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece
you were born to be. Join the conspiracy to shower all of creation with
blessings.
HYPOTHESES: Evil is boring. Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair
is lazy. Joy is fascinating. Love is an act of heroic genius. Pleasure is your
birthright. Receptivity is a superpower.
DEFINITION: Pronoia is the antidote for paranoia. It's the understanding
that the universe is fundamentally friendly. It's a mode of training your
senses and intellect so you're able to perceive the fact that life always
gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
OBJECTIVE OF PRONOIA: To explore the secrets of becoming a wildly
disciplined, fiercely tender, ironically sincere, scrupulously curious,
aggressively sensitive, blasphemously reverent, lyrically logical, lustfully
compassionate Master of Rowdy Bliss.
GUIDING QUESTION: "The secret of life," said sculptor Henry Moore to
poet Donald Hall, "is to have a task, something you devote your entire life
to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your
whole life. And the most important thing is -- it must be something you
cannot possibly do." What is that task for you?
UNDIGNIFIED MEDITATIONS TO KEEP YOU HONEST: Brag about what you
can't do and don't have. Confess profound secrets to people who aren't
particularly interested. Pray for the success of your enemies while you're
making love. Change your name every day for a thousand days.
TOP-SECRET ALLIES: Sacred janitors, benevolent pranksters, apathy
debunkers, lyrical logicians, ethical outlaws, aspiring masters of curiosity,
homeless millionaires, humble megalomaniacs, hedonistic midwives, lunatic
saints, sly optimists, mystical scientists, dissident bodhisattvas, macho
feminists, and socialist libertarians who possess inside information about
the big bang.
DAILY PRACTICE: Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your
devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your
emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow,
cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for
the best in people, and soften your heart -- even as you always accept
yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
TO HEAR OR READ THE REST, go here: http://bit.ly/xROwHE
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Steal This Image from *PRONOIA*: http://bit.ly/wxtW1L
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
GOOD ENVIRONMENTAL NEWS, FOR A CHANGE
A team of researchers has found that air pollution has reduced
dramatically in U.S. National Parks over the last 20 years. Government-
sponsored bills, like the Clean Air Act and the Acid Rain Program, have
had a major impact.
http://tinyurl.com/cpvj6km
ON THE VERGE OF A MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH
U.S. scientists have identified a natural protein that blocks HIV, Ebola,
Nipah, other pathogenic viruses
http://tinyurl.com/aay94k5
THIS YEAR IN PRONOIAC HISTORY
In 1861 a slave took over a Confederate ship and delivered it to the
Union. He was later given the ship to command during the Civil War. After
the war he bought the house he was a slave in, and became a US
Congressman.
http://tinyurl.com/d2gdklz
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning March 28
Copyright 2013 by Rob Brezsny
http://FreeWillAstrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): I was too lazy to write your horoscope this
week, so I went to a website that hawks bumper stickers and copied a
few of their slogans to use as your "advice." Here you go. 1. Never follow
a rule off a cliff. 2. Have the courage to honor your peculiarities. 3. It's
never too late to have a rebellious adolescence. 4. Criticize by creating. 5.
Never make anything simple and efficient when it can be elaborate and
wonderful. 6. Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand, morally
clear, wrong answers. APRIL FOOL! I lied. I wasn't lazy at all. I worked hard
to ensure that all the suggestions I just provided are in strict accordance
with the astrological gestalt.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It's a perfect time to watch the cult classic
film *Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return
of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien,
Flesh Eating, Hellbound, Zombified Living Dead.* It will provide you with
just the right inspiration as you deal with your own problems. APRIL FOOL!
I lied. Don't you dare watch any horror movies. You're in a phase when
you can make dramatic progress in transforming long-standing dilemmas -
- but only if you surround yourself with positive, uplifting influences.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The coming week will be an excellent time to
wash dishes, clean bathrooms, scrub floors, vacuum carpets, wash
windows, do laundry, and clean the refrigerator. The more drudge work
you do, the better you'll feel. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, you now
have astrological license to minimize your participation in boring tasks like
the ones I named. It's high time for you to seek out the most interesting
work and play possible.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): You know what would be a really cool prank
to pull off this April Fool's Day? Arrange to have rubber tires airlifted into
a dormant volcano, then set them on fire. Smoke will pour out the top.
Everyone who lives nearby will think the volcano is getting ready to
explode. Don't forget to videotape the event for Youtube. Later, when
you reveal the hoax, your video will go viral and you'll become a celebrity.
APRIL FOOL! I don't really think you should try this prank. It's old hat.
Back in 1974, a guy named Porky Bickar did it to Alaska's Mt. Edgecumbe.
Here's my real oracle for you: It *is* a good time to boost your visibility
by doing something funny. Or to build your brand by being mischievous.
Or to demonstrate your power by showing off your sense of humor.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the animated TV show *The Simpsons,* ten-
year-old Bart is constantly getting into trouble because of the monkey
business he loves to perpetrate. His teachers punish him by compelling
him to write corrective declarations on the classroom blackboard. It so
happens that some of those apologetic statements should be coming out
of your mouth in the coming week, Leo. They include the following: "I will
not strut around like I own the place. I will not claim that I am deliciously
saucy. I will not instigate revolution. I will not trade pants with others. I
will not carve gods. I will not Xerox my butt. I will not scream for ice
cream." APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, you SHOULD consider doing
things like that. And don't apologize!
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The sport of ferret legging is an endurance
contest. Participants vie to determine who can last longest as a live ferret
runs loose inside their pants. The current record is five hours and 26
minutes, held by a retired British miner. But I predict that a Virgo will soon
break that mark. Could it be you? APRIL FOOL! I misled you. I don't really
think you should put a ferret in your pants, not even to win a contest. It
is possible, however, that there will soon be a pleasurable commotion
happening in the area below your waist. And I suspect that you will handle
it pretty well.
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YOU NEED MAGIC EVERY DAY
Every day, you have to wade through a relentless surge of soul-less facts.
The experience tends to shut down your sense of wonder.
Every day, you're over-exposed to narratives that have been sucked free
of delight and mystery. That's why you have to make such strenuous
efforts to keep your world enchanted.
I like to think I can contribute to the sacred cause of feeding your sense
of wonder and enchantment. In fact, that's one of my prime motivations
for offering you the free weekly horoscopes you read in this newsletter.
If you ever want more of that good stuff, and think it's worth paying for,
please consider trying out my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES. They're
four-to-five-minute meditations on the current state of your destiny.
Go here to access them:
http://RealAstrology.com
You can also listen over the phone by calling
1-877-873-4888
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Risk being a crazed fool for love, Libra. Get as
wild and extreme as you've ever been if it helps you rustle up the
closeness you're hungry for. Get down on your knees and beg, or climb a
tree with a megaphone and profess your passion. APRIL FOOL! I was
exaggerating a little. It's true that now is an excellent time to be
aggressive about going after the intimate connection you want. But I
suggest you accomplish that by being ingenious and imaginative rather
than crazy and extreme.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): British comedy team Monty Python did a
sketch in which a policeman apprehends a criminal. The bad guy says,
"Yes, I did it, but society is to blame." And the cop says, "Right! We'll
arrest them instead." You should adopt this attitude, Scorpio. Blame
everyone else but yourself for your problems and flaws. APRIL FOOL! I
lied. In fact, the truth is the opposite of what I said. It's time to take more
responsibility for your actions. Bravely accept the consequences of what
you've done -- with your sense of humor fully engaged and a lot of
compassion for yourself.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Banzai skydiving is a step beyond
ordinary skydiving. To do it, you hurl your folded-up parachute out of the
airplane, wait a while, and then leap into mid-air yourself. If all goes well,
you free-fall in the direction of your parachute and catch up to it. Once
you grab it, you strap it on and open the chute, ideally before you hit the
earth. This is the kind of beyond-ballsy activity that would be perfect for
you right now. APRIL FOOL! In truth, I don't recommend banzai skydiving
now or ever. Plain old skydiving is fine, though. The same principle applies
in relation to any adventurousness you're considering: Push yourself, yes,
but not to an absurd degree.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Should you relocate to Kazakhstan and
grow sunflowers? Is it time to think about getting a job in Uruguay and
living there for the next ten years? Can you see yourself building your
dream home in Morocco on a bluff overlooking the Atlantic Ocean? I
suggest you spend some quality time thinking way, way outside the box
about where you belong on this earth. APRIL FOOL! I went a bit overboard
in my recommendations. It is true that you should brainstorm about the
kind of home you want to create and enjoy in the future. But that
probably means revising and refining your current situation rather than
leaving it all behind and starting over.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your brain has a bigger capacity than you
realize. According to professor of psychology Paul Reber, it can hold the
equivalent of three million hours' worth of television shows. As I'm sure
you know, your brain is not even close to being full of that much data.
And in accordance with the current astrological omens, I suggest you
cram in as much new material as possible. APRIL FOOL! I told you a half-
truth. While it's correct that now is an excellent time to pour more stuff
into your brain, you should be highly discerning about what you allow in
there. Seek out the richest ideas, the most stimulating information, the
best stories. Avoid trivial crap.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): July 2012 was a sad time in the history of
mythic creatures. The National Ocean Service, a U.S. government agency,
made a formal proclamation that there are no such things as mermaids.
But I predict those stuffy know-it-alls will soon get a big shock, when a
Piscean scientist presents evidence that mermaids are indeed real. APRIL
FOOL! I was exaggerating. I don't really foresee the discovery of a flesh-
and-blood mermaid -- by a Pisces or anyone else. I do, however, suspect
that your tribe is now highly adept at extracting useful revelations and
inspirations from dreams, visions, and fantasies -- including at least one
that involves a coven of Buddhist Ninja clown mermaids.
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Homework: What quality or behavior in you would most benefit from
healthy self-mocking? Tell how you keep yourself honest. Write
Freewillastrology.com.
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2013 Rob Brezsny
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