Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
March 28, 2012
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See a pretty version of this newsletter: http://bit.ly/GYre0F
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"With his book *PRONOIA* -- an instant pop classic -- Rob Brezsny offers
a positive, participatory, proactive vision of the workings of our inner and
outer universe, which will only give us as much pleasure, love, and ecstasy
as we are prepared to accept." - Daniel Pinchbeck, author of *2012: The
Return of Quetzalcoatl*
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*PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA*
is available at Amazon: http://bit.ly/Pronoia
or Powells: http://bit.ly/PronoiaPowells
Here's an excerpt. You can read or listen to a podcast of the whole thing
here:
http://bit.ly/xROwHE
PROCEDURE: Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your
amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working
behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece
you were born to be. Join the conspiracy to shower all of creation with
blessings.
HYPOTHESES: Evil is boring. Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair
is lazy. Joy is fascinating. Love is an act of heroic genius. Pleasure is your
birthright. Receptivity is a superpower.
DEFINITION: Pronoia is the antidote for paranoia. It's the understanding
that the universe is fundamentally friendly. It's a mode of training your
senses and intellect so you're able to perceive the fact that life always
gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
OBJECTIVE OF PRONOIA: To explore the secrets of becoming a wildly
disciplined, fiercely tender, ironically sincere, scrupulously curious,
aggressively sensitive, blasphemously reverent, lyrically logical, lustfully
compassionate Master of Rowdy Bliss.
GUIDING QUESTION: "The secret of life," said sculptor Henry Moore to
poet Donald Hall, "is to have a task, something you devote your entire life
to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your
whole life. And the most important thing is -- it must be something you
cannot possibly do." What is that task for you?
UNDIGNIFIED MEDITATIONS TO KEEP YOU HONEST: Brag about what you
can't do and don't have. Confess profound secrets to people who aren't
particularly interested. Pray for the success of your enemies while you're
making love. Change your name every day for a thousand days.
TOP-SECRET ALLIES: Sacred janitors, benevolent pranksters, apathy
debunkers, lyrical logicians, ethical outlaws, aspiring masters of curiosity,
homeless millionaires, humble megalomaniacs, hedonistic midwives, lunatic
saints, sly optimists, mystical scientists, dissident bodhisattvas, macho
feminists, and socialist libertarians who possess inside information about
the big bang.
DAILY PRACTICE: Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your
devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your
emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow,
cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for
the best in people, and soften your heart -- even as you always accept
yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
TO HEAR OR READ THE REST, go here: http://bit.ly/xROwHE
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Steal This Image from *PRONOIA*: http://bit.ly/wxtW1L
Visualize [put your deity's name here] at the moment of ecstasy.
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MORE PRONOIA RESOURCES:
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
Other jobs you could have but don't
http://imgur.com/a/a1hXG
LAUGH YOUR BLESSINGS
How Satire Can Save the World. In some of the world's most dangerous,
politically-stifled geographies -- from Azerbaijan to Russia -- activists are
using comedy to say publicly what would otherwise be unspeakable.
http://tinyurl.com/8436brn
MELT YOUR BLESSINGS
For surrealist pronoiacs only: Salvador Dali appears on the 1950s TV
show, "What's My Line": http://tinyurl.com/2bgjxc
RE-INTERPRET YOUR BLESSINGS
Vote for the phenomenon you'd like to serve as the ruling symbol for this
week:
Darth Vader In A Kilt On A Unicycle Playing Bagpipes
http://tinyurl.com/7sbhdoe
or
The bone-eating snot-flower worm
http://tinyurl.com/87clkyd
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They are not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning March 29
Copyright 2012 by Rob Brezsny
http://FreeWillAstrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): A few months after America invaded Iraq in
2003, soldier Brian Wheeler wrote the following to help us imagine what it
was like over there: "Go to the worst crime-infested place you can find.
Go heavily armed, wearing a flak jacket and a Kevlar helmet. Set up shop
in a vacant lot. Announce to the residents that you are there to help
them, and in the loudest voice possible yell that every Crip and Blood
within hearing distance is a PANSY." As a character-building exercise,
Aries, I highly recommend you try something like this yourself. APRIL
FOOL! I was just kidding. What I just said is *not* an accurate reading of
the astrological omens. But this is: Get out of your comfort zone, yes, but
with a smart gamble, not a crazy risk.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): According to a recent poll, God's approval
rating has dipped below 40 percent for the first time on record. My
research suggests the new low is due in part to a disproportionate
amount of dissatisfaction by those born under the sign of Taurus. Can
you fix this please? If you're one of the discontent, please see if you can
talk yourself into restoring some of your faith in the Divine Wow. APRIL
FOOL! The real truth is, I encourage you to be skeptical in regards to all
authorities, experts, and topdogs, including God. It's an excellent time in
your cycle to go rogue, to scream "I defy you, stars!" Be a rabble-rousing,
boat-rocking doubter.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Photographer Darrin Harris Frisby doesn't think
people should smile in photographs. He regards it as "superficial and
misleading." In the greatest portraits ever painted, he says, the subject's
gaze is almost always neutral, "neither inviting nor forbidding." Did
Rembrandt ever show people grinning from ear to ear? No. Did Vermeer,
Goya, Titian, Sargent, or Velasquez? Nope. Make that your guiding
thought in the coming week, Gemini. Be a connoisseur of the poker face.
APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, in the coming week you will have more
than ample reasons to be of good cheer. You should therefore express
delight extravagantly.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Back in 1835, a newspaper known as *The
New York Sun* resorted to an extreme measure in order to boost
readership: It ran a story about how the renowned astronomer Sir John
Herschel had perfected a telescope that allowed him to see life forms on
the moon, including unicorns, two-legged beavers that had harnessed fire,
and sexually liberated "manbats." If I'm reading the astrological omens
correctly, Cancerian, you temporarily have license to try something
almost equally as wild and experimental to "boost your readership." APRIL
FOOL! I lied about the unicorns. Don't refer to cliched chimeras like them.
But it's fine to invoke more unexpected curiosities like fire-using beavers
and sexually liberated manbats.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In his documentary film *Prohibition,* Ken Burns
reports on the extreme popularity of alcohol in 19th-century America. He
says that the typical person over 15 years of age drank 88 bottles of
whiskey a year. In light of the current astrological omens, Leo, I suggest
you increase your intake to that level and even beyond. APRIL FOOL! I
lied. It's not literal alcoholic spirits you should be ingesting in more
abundance, but rather big ideas that open your mind, inspirational sights
and sounds that dissolve your inhibitions, and intriguing people who
expand your worldview.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A woman in Euclid, Ohio claims her house is
haunted by randy ghosts. "They have sex in my living room," Dianne
Carlisle told a TV news reporter. "You can see the lady's high-heeled
shoes." I suspect you may soon be dealing with a similar problem, Virgo.
So consider the possibility of hiring an X-rated exorcist. APRIL FOOL! The
naked truth is that you will not be visited by spooks of any kind, let alone
horny ones. However, you would be smart to purify and neutralize old
karma that might still be haunting your love life or your sex life. Consider
performing a do-it-yourself exorcism of your own memories.
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Free Will Astrology's
EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES
featuring tips and suggestions
that may help you
read your own mind --
in other words,
get in closer telepathic connection
with your own subconscious depths
Register and/or sign in at http://RealAstrology.com.
The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888.
"With your Expanded Audio Horoscopes, I feel like you're collaborating
with me to unlock the deeper mysteries I've been ignorant about even
though they've been influencing me." - Patti L., Minneapolis
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In Karley Sciortino's NSFW blog Slutever.com,
she announces that "this blog is intended to trick strangers into thinking
my life is more exciting than it actually is." I highly recommend you adopt
that approach, Libra. Do whatever it takes -- lying, deceiving,
exaggerating, bragging -- to fool everyone into believing that you are a
fascinating character who is in the midst of marvelous, high-drama
adventures. APRIL FOOL! I wasn't totally sincere about what I just said.
The truth is, your life is likely to be a rousing adventure in the coming
days. There'll be no need to pretend it is, and therefore no need to cajole
or trick others into thinking it is.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): "Before you diagnose yourself with
depression or low self-esteem," said author William Gibson, "first make
sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a--holes." This is a good time
to check in with yourself, Scorpio, and see if Gibson's advice applies to
you. Lately, the jackass quotient seems to have been rising in your
vicinity. APRIL FOOL! I was half-joking. It's true that you should focus
aggressively on reducing the influence of jerks in your life. At the same
time, you should also ask yourself rather pointedly how you could reduce
your problems by changing something about yourself.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Do not under any circumstances put on
a frog costume, go to a shopping mall, and ride around on a unicycle while
reciting erotic poetry in German through a megaphone. APRIL FOOL! I lied.
That wouldn't be such a terrible use of your time. The astrological omens
suggest that you will be visited by rather unusual creative surges that
may border on being wacky. Personally, though, I would prefer it if you
channeled your effervescent fertility in more highly constructive
directions, like dreaming up new approaches to love that will have a very
practical impact on your romantic life.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel *The Great
Gatsby,* Daisy Buchanan is stirred to the point of rapture by Jay Gatsby's
silk shirts. "I've never seen such beautiful shirts before," she sobs,
burying her face in one as she sits in his bedroom. I sincerely hope you will
have an equivalent brush with this kind of resplendence sometime soon,
Capricorn. For the sake of your mental and even physical health, you need
direct contact with the sublime. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. It's true that you
would profoundly benefit from a brush with resplendence. But I can assure
you that plain old material objects, no matter how lush and expensive,
won't do the trick for you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last December a woman in Tulsa, Oklahoma
made creative use of a Wal-Mart. She gathered various ingredients from
around the shelves, including lighter fluid, lithium, and drain cleaner, and
set up a meth lab right there in the back of the store. She's your role
model for the coming week, Aquarius. APRIL FOOL! I lied, kind of. The
woman I mentioned got arrested for illegal activity, which I don't advise
you to do. But I do hope you will ascend to her levels of ingenuity and
audacity as you gather all the resources you need for a novel experiment.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A Filipino man named Herbert Chavez has had
extensive plastic surgery done to make himself resemble Superman.
Consider making him your role model, Pisces. I hope he inspires you to
begin your own quest to rework your body and soul in the image of your
favorite celebrity or cartoon hero. APRIL FOOL! I lied. In fact, you'd be
wise to avoid comparing yourself to anyone else or remolding yourself to
be like anyone else. The best use of the current cosmic tendencies would
be to brainstorm about what exactly your highest potentials are, and
swear a blood oath to become that riper version of yourself.
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HOMEWORK: Life is a bitch and then you die. APRIL FOOL! Here's the
truth: Life is conspiring to give you exactly what you need, exactly when
you need it. Please give examples: Truthrooster@gmail.com.
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2012 Rob Brezsny
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