Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology Newsletter
"The Guest House"
by Jelaluddin Rumi,
translated by Coleman Barks in his book *Essential Rumi*
http://tinyurl.com/nl8g9
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
August 2, 2006
http://www.freewillastrology.com
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ROB'S UPCOMING PERFORMANCES
Boulder Book Store
Wednesday, August 16
7:30
1107 Pearl Street
Boulder, CO 80302
303.447.2074
http://boulderbookstore.com
Matter Bookstore
Thursday, August 17
7 p.m.
144 N. College Avenue
Fort Collins, CO 80524
www.wolverinefarmpublishing.org
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Here's an excerpt from my book
"PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings"
available at http://snipurl.com/krjj
or find out more at http://www.freewillastrology.com
+
BRAINSCRAMBLING
Relax. Put yourself in a comfortable position. Breathe deeply. Let the
tension stream out of your head and neck and shoulders. Imagine that
your worries are flowing out of you into the good earth below. Say
"ahhhhh" in your softest tone.
Dissolve the constricted energy in your chest and belly and pelvis, and let
it trickle away. Allow the stress in your legs and feet to evaporate. With
each breath, send out a wave of love to your entire body. Relax even
more deeply. Become aware that all of the disquiet within you is
departing. Your knots are unraveling. Your congestion is dissipating.
Now close your eyes and imagine that it's a bright and warm summer day
at the beach. You're sitting in a cozy chair. The sky is a deep, infinite
blue. A balmy breeze caresses your cheeks. Your body feels strong and
serene. You're in harmony with the flow of life. Look around you. See the
sparkling white sand. Feel the gentle waves swirl around your ankles.
As you bask in this beauty and calm, imagine that you're reading the Wall
Street Journal and listening to the soothingly riotous music of a klezmer
polka band playing free-form jazz with a hip-hop beat. Nearby is a
shopping mall you have recently bought and converted into a country
club for poor people. A satellite phone and a wireless laptop are by your
side because you must always be available to conduct late-breaking
business deals, buy or sell stocks, or give spiritual advice.
Amazing but true: You are both a billionaire and a wise counselor. This
blend of wealth and sagacity has led you to become a philanthropic
healer. Through cash donations and gifts of insight, you have helped
thousands of people transform themselves into gorgeous geniuses skilled
at expressing their souls' codes.
Relax even more deeply. Tune in to the understanding that you are a
furiously curious soul full of orgiastic compassion for everything alive. You
are an ongoing experiment in lyrical logic, a slow explosion of uncanny
delight, a sacred agent devoted to breaking the taboo against feeling
crafty joy.
Now say this: I have only barely imagined the blessings that await me. As
interesting and as full as my life is, I'm ready for it to become even more
so.
With this declaration, you have given the future permission to transform
you into a more awakened version of yourself than you ever knew was
possible.
Continue your cooperation with the glorious fate that's coming your way.
Speak the following affirmations, which have been scientifically formulated
to free you of all rigid beliefs that might cause stupidity:
I kick my own ass and wash my own brain.
I push my own buttons and trick my own pain.
I burn my own flags and roast my own heroes.
I mock my own fears and cheer my own zeroes.
Nothing can stop me from teasing my shadow.
I'm full of empty and backwards bravado.
My wounds are tattoos that reveal my true beauty.
I turn tragic to magic and make bliss my duty.
I honor my faults till they become virtues.
I play jokes on my nightmares
till I'm sure they won't hurt you.
I sing anarchist lullabies to lesbian trees
and love songs with punch lines
to anonymous seas.
I won't accept gifts that infringe on my freedom
I shun sacred places that stir up my boredom.
I change my name daily, pretend to be nobody.
I fight for the truth if it's majestically rowdy.
Gravity fucks me and I fuck it back.
The sun is my sex slave, the moon smokes my crack.
I pump up my conscience with idiot laughter.
I'm living happily, in love ever after.
I brag about what I can't do and don't know.
I take off my clothes to those I oppose.
I'm so far beyond lazy, I work like a god.
I'm totally crazy; in fact that's my job.
It's all true. You're completely wacko. Throbbingly, succulently,
shimmeringly insane. And that's good news.
This understanding frees you up to sing in the acid rain and cultivate
global warming in your pants. You are in prime condition to study the
difference between stupid insecurity and smart insecurity until you get it
right. You realize beyond a doubt that everyone who believes in the devil
is the devil. You feel a longing to stick out your tongue and cross your
eyes and put on your most beautifully ugly face as you sneak up on
yourself from behind and whisper "boo!" And you see the healthy wisdom
of now and then inserting into your conversations the following quote,
uttered by the Baron in the film The Adventures of Baron Munchausen:
"Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash, and I'm happy to say I have no
grasp of it whatsoever."
And congratulations. Every cell in your perfect animal body is beginning to
purr with luminous gratitude for the enormity of the riches you endlessly
receive. You are becoming aware that each of your heart's beats
originates as a gift of love directly from the Goddess herself. Any residues
of hatred that had been tainting your libido are leaving you for good. You
are becoming telepathically linked to the world's entire host of secret
teachers, pacifist warriors, philosopher clowns, and bodhisattvas disguised
as convenience store clerks.
In other words, you're on the verge of détente with your evil twin. And
you're ready to submit to a multiple-choice test, which goes like this:
How does it make you feel when I urge you to confess profound secrets
to people who are not particularly interested? Does it make you want to:
a. cultivate a healthy erotic desire for a person you'd normally never be
attracted to in a million years;
b. stop helping your friends glamorize their pain;
c. imitate a hurricane in the act of extinguishing a forest fire;
d. visualize Buddha or Mother Teresa at the moment of orgasm;
e. steal something that's already yours.
The right answer, of course, is any answer you thought was correct.
Congratulations. You're even smarter than you knew.
To seal your victory, repeat the following affirmation: "Stressed" is
"desserts" spelled backward.
Now remain here for a while in this state of supernatural relaxation. As
you begin to return to normal waking consciousness, don't return to
normal waking consciousness. Instead, practice feeling the confidence
that you can invoke the scent of wild honey in a sunlit meadow any time
you feel an urge to.
In honor of your enhanced power to be yourself, I hereby reward you with
a host of fresh titles. From now on you will be known as the Senior Vice
President of Strawberry Fields and Hummingbirds, and the Deputy
Director of Green Lights and Purple Hearts. Consider yourself, as well, to
be the new Puzzle-Master Supreme, the Chief Custodian of Secret
Weapons, and Field Commander of Free Lunches and Poetic Licenses.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
To read other news and features from my book, go here:
http://snipurl.com/l9o3
or
http://freewillastrology.com/beauty/beauty.main145.shtml
To buy the book, use the links to Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble,
which are on my homepage at http://www.freewillastrology.com
Or cut and paste the direct links below:
AMAZON
http://snipurl.com/krjj
BARNES & NOBLE
http://snipurl.com/krjn
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
OTHER PRONOIA RESOURCES:
MUSIC
*Raise a Holy Fire*
by Lashmi Devi
http://www.lakshmidevi.com/
BOOK
*Pharmako/Gnosis: Plant Teachers and the Poison Path*
by Dale Pendell
http://tinyurl.com/esj97
ARTICLE
Revolutionary Philanthropy for the Little Guy
http://tinyurl.com/rm4sk
(Note: I endorse these because I like them. They're not advertisements,
and I get no kickbacks.)
Please tell me your own personal nominations for PRONOIA RESOURCES.
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning July 27
Copyright 2006 by Rob Brezsny
http://www.freewillastrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Reading this horoscope could not only
stimulate waves of pleasurable endorphins in your brain, it may also fine-
tune your immune system, increase your calorie-burning power, promote
relaxation of the smooth muscles of the digestive tract, enlarge any part
of your body you want to enlarge, and cut down the risk of heart disease,
diabetes, and delusions about romance. To activate the potential health
benefits contained herein, all you have to do is love everyone and
everything with more compassionate ingenuity and playful zeal than you
ever have before.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Writing in the *San Francisco Chronicle,*
columnist Jon Carroll told the story of educational activist Diane Mintz.
When she began tutoring elementary school kids in the Bay Area's
poorest neighborhoods, she was shocked to realize how thoroughly
poverty had shrunken their horizons. Many had never glimpsed the Golden
Gate Bridge, a wonder of the world that's a few miles from their homes.
Some didn't even know this marvel existed. "Their mental map of their
larger community was pinched and drab," wrote Carroll. On occasion,
those of us who aren't so destitute suffer from a similar diminishment.
For example, I suspect that many of you Tauruses are in danger of letting
your vistas dwindle right now. As a pre-emptive antidote, I suggest you
make pilgrimages to beautiful people and intriguing sights and exhilarating
places that blow your mind in the best ways.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Ocean Dome is a huge indoor beach and water
park on an island in Japan. Fabricated to create the ideal seaside
conditions, it features artificial white sand and machine-generated waves
that are high enough to surf. Air and water temperatures never waver
from a comfortable range. There's an amusing irony about the place,
though: Less than 1,000 feet away from its metal facade, there's an
actual ocean and beach. Does this remind you of any situation in your own
life, Gemini? It should. In my opinion, you'd get more enjoyment out of
the real thing than the synthetic substitute.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Thanks for being one of the 9.4 million
readers who are making 2006 another record-breaking year for Free Will
Astrology. The number of people turning to this column for guidance and
amusement continues to climb. My Google ranking among astrology sites
on the Web is holding steady at sixth in the world. Recently I also received
the coveted Nostradamus Lifetime Achievement Award for Prophecy and
Divination. Should I therefore ask for more money from everyone who
publishes my column? I've decided against that because--surprise!--I'm
quite happy with how everything's going. You, on the other hand, should
think about raising your rates. Those of us who are born under the sign of
Cancer the Crab are in a phase when it makes sense to acknowledge our
accomplishments and make sure we're being compensated properly for
them.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "Sometimes it's not how good you are but how
bad you want it," read the t-shirt of a guy buying a lottery ticket at the
convenience store. While I don't think he was making the best use of that
philosophy--playing a game of chance heavily weighted against his
success--I do think it's a principle worth meditating on, especially for you
right now, Leo. Your skill and understanding are certainly not irrelevant as
you push to the next level of your quest, but they are less important than
the intensity of your longing.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "If you are going through hell, keep going,"
said Winston Churchill. Let that advice be your inspiration in the coming
week, Virgo. But wait: Before you jump to conclusions about what I'm
saying, know this: Your tests and trials will be far, far less hellish than the
ordeals Churchill faced as he led England through World War II. It's true
that you may feel a bit tortured in the heat of the moment, though. So
don't you dare slow down to feel sorry for yourself or scream at the
chaos-makers. Keep plodding forward, secure in my assurance that you'll
cross the border and exit out of the infernal regions well before you're
exhausted.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Elizabeth Bishop
was determined to let each of her poems fully ripen before she published
it. Rather than give her gifts to the world prematurely, she was willing to
wait decades to make sure she had truly captured their diamond essence.
I hope you're prepared to be as patient, Libra. You've been gestating a
valuable labor of love, and it deserves to be blessed with the lavish
totality of your careful attention before being unleashed.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The Colorado state legislature tried to pass a
law requiring public schools to put wholesome food in their vending
machines. But the governor vetoed the bill, declaring that schools need
the revenue from nutrient-free chips, sodas, and candy bars to finance
their sports programs. Besides, he said, kids would much rather snack on
junk food than the healthful fare. If you're faced with a similar choice this
week--whether to do what's good for you or else indulge your vices and
seek out meaningless experiences that provide no fulfillment--please go
for the former option. The astrological omens suggest that this is a
turning point, for better or worse, in your relationship with your bad
habits.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 1993, my American friend Mark
started playing music on the streets of Copenhagen. His parents regarded
it as a tragedy. "This is what you do with the fine education we bought
you?" they mourned. "What a waste!" grumbled his siblings and college
friends. Mark was hurt, but didn't shrink from his mission, eventually
expanding his open-air performances to Ireland and Holland. Thirteen
years later, Mark has accumulated so much wealth from his gig that he
has been able to buy homes in Ireland and Hawaii. Though he still busks
part-time, he spends nine months of the year writing books. He's your
patron saint in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. May he inspire you to follow
your dreams no matter how much that bothers the people who think they
own you.
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AUDIO LOVE LETTERS
In addition to the horoscopes that come to you in this newsletter, I create
more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. They're $6 if you
access them on the Web, or $1.99 per minute over the phone.
For Web access, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id=50700
From the United States, call
1-900-950-7700
or if you prefer to pay by credit card
1-877-873-4888
If you live in Canada, call 1-888-499-4425 to purchase a Block of Time
with your credit card.
"You helped me realize that I know what to do and I know how to do it." -
Blithe C., Sarasota, FL
"You have a knack for getting me in touch with my inner teacher." -
Franklin H., Austin, TX
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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Are you a force of nature right now, or are
you a freak of nature? I think the truth is that you're a freaky force of
nature. You're just about as anomalous as it's possible for a Capricorn to
get, and yet you've also got the equivalent of a thunderstorm's energy at
your command. The funny thing is, the two factors are related. Your
eccentricity is feeding your power, and vice versa. My advice is to refrain
from questioning and worrying about this unusual state of affairs, and
instead just capitalize on the odd advantages you have at your disposal.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): This is a favorable time for you to conjure
up an imaginary friend who also happens to be a muse. You can pretend
that he or she is perfectly real, just invisible. Or you can fantasize that he
or she is a mostly buried part of you that you rarely express, or maybe
your ideal of what a friend should be. I urge you to give this ally a name.
Visualize his or her vivid personality and appearance in detail. See the
world through his or her eyes. Have dialogues, exchange confidential
information, hold hands, and soak up the balm of your tender communion.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Some of the most gorgeous animals on the
planet are also the most toxic to eat, writes Carol Kaesuk Yoon in *The
New York Times.* Iridescent butterflies and fluorescent frogs are among
the beauties that fit this description. Many are downright poisonous, and
others are just plain foul-tasting. Keep that in mind as a helpful metaphor
during the coming weeks, Pisces. Attractive people and enticing
invitations may not always be what they seem. Sometimes they may be
exactly what they seem, however, which is why it's so important for you
to be exceedingly discriminating. Enjoy the view for a while and get a
sense of what's beneath the surface before you taste them.
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HOMEWORK:
Imagine you have time-traveled to one of your favorite places in the year
2020. What do you see? Tell me by going to
http://www.freewillastrology.com and clicking on "Email Rob."
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Submissions sent to the Free Will Astrology Weekly Newsletter
or in response to "homework assignments" may be
published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion,
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Please be sure to note your preference when sending to us. We
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2006 Rob Brezsny
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