Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology Newsletter
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June 1, 2005
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My new book is now available:
PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings
It will be in stores near you any day now, and it's already on the Web
at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Powells.
You can also buy the book directly from me through Paypal. It's $17
(including postage) if you're in the U.S., and $20 (including postage) if
you're in Canada.
For links to my book on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Powells, and for the
link to my Paypal account, go here:
http://www.freewillastrology.com
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Human beings are selfish, small-minded, violence-prone savages;
civilization is a blight on the earth; the rising tide of chaos that surrounds
us on all sides ensures that everything's going to fall apart any day now.
Right?
Wrong. In fact, evil is boring. Cynicism is stupid. Despair is lazy. The truth
is that the universe is inherently friendly. Life is a sublime game created
for our amusement and illumination, and it always gives us exactly what
we need, exactly when we need it.
But this buoyant perspective is not rooted in denial. On the contrary, we
can build a cagey optimism that doesn't require a repression of difficulty,
but instead seeks a vigorous engagement with it.
For all the details, read *PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.*
*
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning June 2
Copyright 2005 by Rob Brezsny
http://www.freewillastrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Maybe all you really need right now is a grilled
cheese sandwich. It's quite possible that if you savor a well-made version
of that earthy delicacy, the things that are off-kilter in your life will get
smooth and fresh again. I'm not kidding, Aries. The adjustment that will
help you get back on track is likely to be minor--if not a grilled cheese
sandwich, then maybe a haircut or a new bedspread or a five-minute
conversation that corrects a misimpression. That reminds me of another
secret I want to tell you: Small actions can have big impacts.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The only work that will have lasting value in
the coming week is work that you do in the spirit of fun. If you approach
any task with nothing more than a desire to get it over with, it will
ultimately be useless. If you perform a good deed merely out of a sense
of duty, it won't bestow any of its intended benefits. These directions
apply to the effort you put into your relationship, hobby, or art as well as
to your actions on the job. Success depends on you playing hard with
your spontaneity fully engaged.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Twenty-nine-year-old Gemini actor Colin Farrell
recently reached out to an older woman--a *much* older woman. While
working on the film *Ask the Dust,* he made a prolonged attempt to
seduce one of his fellow stars, Dame Eileen Atkins, who was 69 years old
at the time. Though she was flattered, she turned him down. In the
coming week, Gemini, I urge you to try a more elevated version of Farrell's
quest. Seek intimate contact with an influence that will bless you with the
sexy powers of age, wisdom, and experience.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): The state of New Hampshire's symbol used to
be the Old Man of the Mountain. Carved from rock by a glacier 30,000
years ago, it was a series of granite ledges that jutted out of a mountain
in the shape of an old man's face. It was a top tourist attraction, and its
image appeared on numerous state souvenirs. But in May 2003, it
collapsed overnight, weakened by millennia of freezing and thawing.
According to my reading of the astrological omens, Cancerian, this event
has resemblances to an imminent disintegration in your own life. Like the
original, your experience might be sad, but mostly for nostalgic reasons.
No one will get hurt, and ultimately you'll feel exhilarated as you pick a
new symbol to inspire you.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Can you name ten different beer brands but none
of the Ten Commandments? That's one of 25 signs that you will
ultimately go to hell, according to divinity professor Jacob Pinewood,
quoted in the *Weekly World News.* Here are other behaviors that may
cause you eternal damnation: using the F word more than once a day;
coveting your neighbor's household appliances; watching five consecutive
hours of TV; invoking the Lord's name in vain when you stub your toe;
and mentally undressing any person who would be bad for you to get
naked with. Luckily for you, Leo, you're now in an astrological phase when
engaging in the above actions will *not* earn you a trip to the infernal
regions. That's because you're in an unprecedented grace period when
you have slack to burn. If I were you, though, I'd use my karmic credit
more constructively than simply getting away with naughty things.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Janael Lee is a math teacher who suffers from
muscular dystrophy and moves around with the aid of a scooter. Last
January she was named Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin, and began to work as
an advocate for disabled people. A few months later, however, officials
stripped her of her crown after a newspaper photo showed her standing
up, which she does now and then for brief periods. "We can't have title
holders out there walking when they're seen in public," the officials said. I
believe you will soon experience a comparable demotion, Virgo. Maybe
you used to be suited for a certain role that has cast you as an underdog,
but you're too strong and healthy for that now.
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EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES
Every week, in addition to the written horoscopes you get in this
newsletter, I offer Expanded Audio Horoscopes.
They tend to be soothing and meditative, though now and then I invite
you to kick your own ass, too. My intention is for them to be healing and
inspirational at the same time.
The Expanded Audio horoscopes cost $6 if you access them on the Web
via RealAudio, or $1.99 per minute if you want them over the phone.
For Web access, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id=50700
From the United States, call
1-900-950-7700
or if you prefer to pay by credit card
1-877-873-4888
If you live in Canada, call 1-888-499-4425 to purchase a Block of Time
with your credit card.
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Consistency is a highly overrated virtue,"
wrote William Falk in *The Week.* "I'm not ashamed to admit that I no
longer believe half of what I was sure of ten years ago. You make
mistakes, you get new information, you change your mind along the way.
It's a natural process." I urge you to write out the preceding statement
and tape it to your mirror or phone for the next seven days. You're in an
astrological phase when you have everything to gain from changing your
mind in a hundred different ways. I dare you to see what life is like when
it's not filtered through your familiar opinions and theories.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Last February, three people got lost while
riding their mountain bikes in California's San Bernardino National Forest.
Luckily, they were rescued by emergency workers before any harm came
to them. But the next day they returned to the woods to look for their
bikes and got lost a second time. Again, help arrived in time, and they
were escorted to safety. Don't be like them in the coming days, Scorpio.
You're allowed to wander off-course and get saved once, but don't make
the same mistake twice.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sometimes the best gift you can give
your ego is to tell it you're not going to be its slave anymore. You say to
it, "I'm tired of being whipped around by every one of your ever-shifting
little needs, and I'm sick of having to kowtow to your inexhaustible
demands, and I want to be free of your insatiable craving to be
appreciated, recognized, and adored. Go away and leave me alone. I'm
just going to be who I am without worrying about you at all." Delivering
this message often has a radically healing effect. Your ego gets shocked
into a state of humility, and you get to do what your soul has been
longing to do. Ironically, this often results in you creating changes that
make your ego very happy.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A maintenance worker at a restaurant in
Queensland, Australia took the lazy way out when he found a dead rat
while painting the floor red. Rather than disposing of it, he simply covered
it with a few thick strokes of his brush. During a subsequent inspection,
however, health inspectors weren't fooled by the partial camouflage and
levied large fines on the restaurant. You may soon be tempted to try
something similar to what the maintenance worker did, Capricorn. I urge
you not to. Don't just try to disguise what's stinking up the place; get rid
of it.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I live pretty simply, and often have an
allergic reaction in the presence of people who have their own jet
airplanes, travel with personal servants and style consultants, drink $300-
a-bottle champagne, and vacation in palatial spas on private islands.
Having said that, I am duty-bound to report that you now have an
astrological mandate to indulge in as much extravagant pleasure as you
can afford. Your watchword for the week comes from Frank Lloyd Wright:
"Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities."
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I invite you to try an exercise in creative
pretending. Ready? In all the ways you can imagine, stop thinking that
you're outside, and instead visualize yourself as inside. In other words,
suppress your tendency to fantasize that the good stuff is out of reach
and hard to get. Picture yourself as being right in the midst of it. End your
sense of exile and come all the way in to the heart of every matter. If you
do this meditation ten minutes a day for the next seven days, by this
time next week the world will already be changing to match the vision
you've been building.
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HOMEWORK:
Name one of your least useful attitudes: a belief or perspective you know
you should live without, but which you have not yet gotten the courage
to banish. Testify by going to http://www.freewillastrology.com and
clicking on "Email Rob."
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2005 Rob Brezsny
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