Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology Newsletter
+
January 26, 2005
*
EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES FOR THE COMING YEAR
To access my IN-DEPTH, LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECASTS FOR YOUR LIFE IN
2005, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id=50700
Click on your astrological sign, then choose either part 1, part 2, or part 3
of my BIG PICTURE look at your future--or even all three parts, if you're
feeling adventurous.
You can also choose to listen to my short-range outlook for the coming
week.
The Expanded Audio Horoscopes cost $6 apiece.
*********************************************
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning January 27
Copyright 2005 by Rob Brezsny
http://www.freewillastrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): It'll be a bumper car kind of week, Aries. As
long as you stick to the designated course, you can expect lots of thuds,
jolts, and caroms that won't hurt a bit. In fact, most of them will actually
be fun even as they knock some sense into you. That's why you have
cosmic permission to raise your normal quotas of raucous laughter,
boisterous horseplay, and madcap adventures. For extra credit, sprinkle
wacky accents and silly voices into your conversations.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): For two years running, Little Yellow Jacket
has been voted Bull of the Year by the rodeo circuit's top bull riders.
During a five-year career, the 1,750-pound beast has bucked off 85
percent of his riders in an average of 2.8 seconds. No one has stayed on
for longer than 8 seconds. I've selected him to be your power animal in
the coming weeks, Taurus. You have a mandate to avoid being rounded
up, roped, or ridden by anyone, even if you have to snort and foam at the
mouth as Little Yellow Jacket does during his performances. "He has the
kind of heart, desire, and athletic ability that true champions in any walk
of life possess," says his owner. All you need to succeed at your
assignment are the first two of those qualities.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Before the controversial comic Bill Hicks died,
Jack Boulware asked him what he thought was funny. "The best kind of
comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never
laughed at," said Hicks, according to Boulware's piece in the *San
Francisco Chronicle.* That thought should be your inspiration in the
coming weeks, Gemini. I don't care how you do it, but you've got to crack
up about subjects that you have always taken very seriously. You might
want to rent DVDs of comedians who are famous for their taboo-busting
rants. Surf the Web hunting down jokes about your sacred cows. Sneak
up on yourself and tickle your own ribs while in the throes of a fantasy
about what you're scared of.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Global warming makes me sad. I'm opposed to
it, and I wish we humans would take more drastic measures to minimize
our role in it. But I also have to admit that part of me enjoys some of its
consequences. The growing season is getting longer: I can eat the first
green beans from my garden before the first day of spring. The weather is
more consistently finer: My wintertime bike trips to the top of the
mountain rarely freeze my eyelashes, as they once did. Sometimes I can
even stroll on the beach in shorts in January. Your assignment in the
coming week, Cancerian, is to do what I've done: Find something
redemptive about an aspect of our rapidly changing world that normally
makes you crazy.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "Boobs: I wish I had them. Not enough to buy
them, though." So testified skinny actress Lara Flynn Boyle in the
*Globe,* rejecting the idea of getting silicone implants. Take your
inspiration from her clarity in the coming week, Leo. Identify one of your
half-assed desires--a vague wish that chronically floats around the back of
your mind--and renounce it forever. If necessary, have a no-nonsense
conversation with yourself in which you discuss all the reasons why the
satisfaction of that longing is not at all crucial to your happiness or well-
being, and why, therefore, you will never again indulge in a serious fantasy
about it.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Michigan is a major importer of trash,
accepting more than five million tons per year in return for big payments.
A landfill in the small town of Rockwood alone takes in a thousand tons of
New Jersey's demolition debris every day. I know it might be tempting for
you to get all Rockwood-like in the coming days, Virgo; you may imagine
you can reap some long-lasting benefits from getting dumped on. But I
say unto you: It ain't worth it. Whatever you think you can gain is meager
compared to what you could lose.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Science writer David Bodanis says there are
always so many fragments of spider legs floating in the air that you are
constantly inhaling them wherever you go. I encourage you to think of
this now and then in the coming week, Libra. Whenever you do, engage in
the following meditation: Imagine that you are bolstering your power to
weave metaphorical webs; fantasize that every day in every way you are
building a silky network designed to help you get what you want; visualize
yourself as being light and strong, like a spider.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The world's highest bridge recently opened
for traffic in France. The Millau Viaduct soars over the Tarn River,
reducing the driving distance between Paris and Barcelona by 60 miles. I
hope to see a comparable innovation in your future, Scorpio. You need a
monumental short cut that will let you cross safely and conveniently over
a yawning abyss. Don't try to create it all by yourself. Enlist the help of
the most soulful bridge-builders you can find.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Movie actress Kate Winslet is your role
model this week, Sagittarius. In her 17 movies, she has played a
staggeringly wide variety of characters, from an innocent romantic in
*Sense and Sensibility,* to a spontaneity-loving free spirit in *Eternal
Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,* to a street-wise sewer rat for an
upcoming claymation comedy called *Flushed Away.* Come to think of it,
those are three of the many personas you might consider adapting in the
coming days. Like Winslet, you should avoid typecasting as you keep
yourself highly entertained in a dazzling array of colorful milieus.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "Believing" in God is like "believing" in the
taste of a peach without ever having tasted an actual peach. But what if I
told you that you could actually commune with the Divine Wow through
up-close, personal encounters that are as vivid and palpable as eating a
peach? It's a distinct possibility for you in the coming weeks, Capricorn.
The best way to increase your chances of having this heart-to-heart
intimacy with Supreme Magic is, first, to want it very badly, and second,
to unleash generous expressions of love as often as possible.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Emily, Madison, and Kaitlyn were among the
most popular names for new baby girls last year, whereas Jacob, Ryan,
and Nicholas were top choices for boys. Thevoiceofreason.com website
notes that on the other hand, Condescensia, Crumpet, and Bucket were
some of the least popular girl names, and Beelzebub, Humpty, and
Scratch were the least favorite for boys. I hope you will ignore both
extremes, Aquarius, as you select an additional new nickname or tag for
yourself in the coming days. While the astrological omens suggest it's a
good time to expand your self-concept, it's a bad time to be overly
influenced either by the trends or by knee-jerk rebellions against the
trends.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The *Weekly World News* reports that hell
has a special pain-free section for masochists. The evidence comes from
an S & M aficionado who traveled to this anomalous part of the nether
realm during a near death experience. "There was no beating, no torture,
no poking with blazing pitchforks--not even a decent smack in the face,"
testified Melissa Surkovsky. While I am definitely not predicting you will
visit this place, Pisces, I must warn you that you may soon have a semi-
comparable experience here on earth. As much as you might be tempted,
you simply won't be able to indulge in any of your own masochistic
tendencies. You may even have to endure something like what Surkovsky
did: "I was taken to a well-lit chamber and placed in a comfortable
reclining chair, then waited on hand and foot by demons who were so
polite, it was annoying."
*********************************************
HOMEWORK:
Which actor or actress would be the best choice to play you in a film
about your life? Testify by going to http://www.freewillastrology.com and
clicking on "Email Rob."
*********************************************
WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing charts these days. In addition to writing my weekly column
and expanded audio horoscopes, I'm also working on a book and CD.
But I can recommend a colleague whose astro-aesthetics closely match
my own. She's RO LOUGHRAN.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth, and a high
degree of technical proficiency in horoscope interpretation; she is skilled
at exploring the mysteries of your life's purpose and nurturing your
connection with your own inner wisdom. In addition to over 20 years of
astrological experience, Ro is also a licensed psychotherapist, allowing her
to integrate psychological insight with the cosmological perspective that
astrology offers.
Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and otherwise
work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.
Ro's website is at
http://www.astrology-psychotherapy.com/
She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
Namaste,
Rob
*********************************************
NEED TO CHANGE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS?
To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter, or to change the address
where you receive it, go to:
http://www.freewillastrology.com/newsletter/
Once you do subscribe, be sure to add my address,
televisionary@comcast.net, to your address book or spam filter
"whitelist" so that my newsletter won't be treated as spam and filtered
out. Or tell your company's IT group to allow this address to pass through
any filtering software they may have set up.
If my emails don't reach your inbox, you should also look in your "Bulk
Mail" or "Junk Mail" folder.
I totally respect your privacy. I'll never sell or give away your address to
anyone.
*********************************************
Submissions sent to the Free Will Astrology Weekly Newsletter
or in response to "homework assignments" may be
published in a variety of formats at Rob Brezsny's discretion,
including but not limited to newsletters, books, the Free Will
Astrology column, and Free Will Astrology website. We reserve
the right to edit such submissions for length, style, and content.
Requests for anonymity will be honored with submissions;
otherwise, reader names, screen names, or initials will be used.
Please be sure to note your preference when sending to us. We
are not responsible for unsolicited submission of any creative
material.
Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2005 Rob Brezsny
********************************************