Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter
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January 21, 2004
www.beautyandtruth.com
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"I often dream about falling. Such dreams are commonplace to the
ambitious or those who climb mountains. Lately, I dreamed I was
clutching at the face of a rock, but it would not hold. Gravel gave way, I
grasped for a shrub, but it pulled loose and in cold terror I fell into the
abyss. Suddenly I realised that my fall was relative; that there was no
bottom and no end. A feeling of pleasure overcame me. I realised that what
I embody, the principle of life, cannot be destroyed. It is written into the
cosmic code, the order of the universe. As I continued to fall in the dark
void, embraced by the vault of the heavens, I sang to the beauty of the
stars and made my peace with the darkness."
- Heinz Pagels, physicist and mountain climber
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Dear Readers,
The epidemic of spam has lead many ISPs and email users to install
aggressive spam filters. The filters often block mass-mailed newsletters
like this one, especially if the newsletters contain certain key words
popular among spammers.
One of those key words happens to appear often in my column; in fact, it's
in the title of my column. I won't write it out here, because it could
trigger your spam filter, but here's a clue: It's "fr**."
As an experiment -- hoping to sneak this newsletter through to all of my
subscribers who have hypervigilant spam filters -- I will be disguising
this word for the foreseeable future.
It may not help. In this week's column, for instance, I use another word
that often triggers spam filters: "sex." If in future newsletters you see
this construction -- "se*" -- you'll know I've gone one step further in
my attempts to outwit your spam filters.
Rowdy blessings,
Rob
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FR** WILL ASTROLOGY
Week of January 22
Copyright 2004 by Rob Brezsny
www.beautyandtruth.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): For many male athletes, having sex before
a big game is taboo. They believe it saps their energy and hurts their
chances of winning. The coach of the Chinese Olympic ping-pong team has
gone even further, banning his players from falling in love. In my
opinion, this approach is crazy and wrong. According to my analysis of the
astrological omens, the best way for you to prime yourself for your
upcoming moment of truth is by enjoying as much sweet affection and
erotic delight as you dare.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Picture two people you know who seem to
believe they are superior to you. Maybe they imagine they're smarter or
funnier or more popular than you, and therefore think they're justified
in treating you carelessly. Maybe these elitists are under the impression
that because they have higher social status or more money than you, you
don't deserve their focused attention. Next, Taurus, consider the idea,
taught by every decent spiritual leader, that people like this have a
pathologically inflated sense of self-importance. Finally, place two white
roses in a special place in your home. Beneath each, lay a piece of paper
on which you have written the name of the person with the superiority
complex, along with the words "I am fr** of your judgment" and a
drawing of a winged heart.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The Chinese Year of the Monkey begins this
week. According to astrologer Shelly Wu (www.chineseastrology.com), it
will be "rich in the unexpected," tweaking everyone's concept of what's
normal. Ruses, half-truths, and tricks will proliferate, turning the
whole year into an extended balancing act. Is anyone likely to thrive? Wu
suggests it'll be those with agile intelligence, frisky imagination, and an
affinity for risk and novelty. Sounds to me like she's describing the
Gemini tribe. Are you ready to be a leader and role model for the rest of
us?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): I got an email from a person who said he was
the former president of the African nation of Liberia. He said that if I
helped him transfer his secret fund of $30 million from a Nigerian bank
to an account in the U.S., he'd give me $9 million of it. I wrote back to him
saying thanks for thinking of me, but I wouldn't take him up on his
proposal. Why? I didn't tell him, but I'll tell you. Although it's true that
Cancerians like myself are in an astrological phase when we can expect to
benefit from other people's money and resources, maybe even in the form
of a windfall, we also have to be careful not to get scammed by con artists
and manipulators. The only collaborative offers we should consider are
those that come from well-known sources and trusted allies.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Each of us has felt the pressure to be a more
perfect lover. "Maxim" and "Cosmopolitan" magazines are two of many
sources that barrage us with instructions on how to improve our
techniques, expand our repertoires, and become telepathic masters of the
art of dispensing pleasure. In the coming weeks, I believe you Leos will
probably be subject to some of this goading. That could be good if it
motivates you in a healthy way; not so good if it makes you feel defensive
and self-conscious. To ensure that the mood stays light, I suggest you
round up a partner who is willing to collaborate with you in a Bad Sex
Festival. During the designated holiday, the two of you will intentionally
engage in an orgy of awkward, contrived, and slapstick sex.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My teacher Anne Davies told a story about a
negotiation between a U.S. Army general and a cannibal chief in New
Guinea during World War II. The general wanted the chief to rally his
tribe to help American troops fight the Japanese. The chief refused,
calling the Americans immoral. The general was shocked. "We are not
immoral!" he protested. "The Japanese are immoral." The cannibal chief
replied, "The Japanese and Americans are equally immoral. You both kill
far more people than you can eat." Let this story inspire you to take
inventory of your own moral code, Virgo. Which parts of it are eternally
valid, and which are shaped or distorted by the transitory beliefs of your
culture and era?
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EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPES
For web access to my Expanded Audio Horoscopes, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id=50700
You can also hear my IN-DEPTH, LONG-TERM FORECASTS for your life in
2004 .
To hear your long-term forecast, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id=50700
Then click on your sign.
Then click on "Part 1 (from 12/16/2003)" to hear Part One of my
LONG-TERM FORECAST for your life in 2004.
Click on "Part 2 (from 12/23/2003)" to hear Part Two of my LONG-
TERM FORECAST for your life in 2004.
Click on "Part 3 (from 12/30/2003)" to hear Part Three of my LONG-
TERM FORECAST for your life in 2004.
or click on "Hear This Week's Horoscope" to hear this week's horoscope.
Each reading costs $6.
You can also access the weekly forecasts on the phone for $1.99 per
minute.
From the United States, call
1-900-950-7700.
If you live in Canada, call 1-888-499-4425 to purchase a Block of
Time.
If you have a 900# block on your phone or prefer to use your credit card,
there's another way to access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes by phone.
Call 1-877-873-4888 to buy the amount of time that best suits you.
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Palm reader Beth Davis had a pithy analysis of
actor-politician Arnold Schwarzenegger after scrutinizing his hand print
at Grauman's Chinese Theater. "There is this odd kind of Teddy bear thing
mixed with warrior energy," she concluded. I see a similar blend in your
psyche right now, Libra. You have the power to make people feel loved
even as you express your fierce intention to shape the world to your
specifications. You're an unbeatable combination of softie and dynamo.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your word of power for the coming weeks is
*incubate.* Like a mother duck or father penguin, you should sit on your
metaphorical eggs to keep them warm and prepare them for hatching. Like
an artist, you should push your analytical mind to the limit as you seek
insight about your next creative move, then relax and wait for your
intuition to sprout. Like a skilled lucid dreamer, you should formulate a
good question about a dicey problem, and hold it in your mind as you fall
asleep, fully expecting your dreams to reveal a brilliant solution.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): As I compose this horoscope, I'm sitting
in an airport bar during a layover. Something odd is happening with the
16 televisions that stretch from one end of the bar to the other. Until ten
minutes ago, they'd all been showing the same basketball game. Now each
is tuned to a different station. On one TV, the Blue Fairy is waving a wand
over Pinocchio. On another, cops are carrying a pig out of a fountain. I'm
also keeping up with the story of an African princess learning to be a card
shark and a game of camel polo in an Iraqi wasteland, but that's all I can
handle. Your life may soon resemble what I'm experiencing now,
Sagittarius. I advise you to be like me and don't let your attention split in
more than four directions.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): It would be a good time to go on eBay and
try hawking the invisible bath toys of your imaginary friend or the
signature of the celebrity you were in your past life. Other activities that
would align you well with the cosmic ebb and flow: getting a gig
moonlighting as a party planner; writing a witty, brazen appeal for a
grant to someone who might actually give it to you; and brainstorming
about how to have more fun making money and how to make more money
having fun.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The astrological omens suggest that you
currently have an aptitude for *extreme gardening.* In its literal sense,
the term refers to the cultivation of flowers and vegetables in places like
desert oases or frigid terrains above the tree-line. Interpreting it
metaphorically, I'd guess that you have a knack for creating something out
of nothing. You could probably coax cautious people into helping you
nurture daring plans, or jumpstart a project that seems to have little
more going for it than hope.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Writing on salon.com, Farhad Manjoo and
Katharine Mieszkowski predict that e-mail spam will ultimately lead to
the downfall of Internet porn. Here's the scenario they foresee. By taking
advantage of the various sexual enhancements offered via spam, millions
of men will become well-endowed, hard-bodied masters of lovemaking. As
their ability to date and satisfy real women soars, they will lose interest
in porn's virtual pleasures. Voila! Web smut will decline precipitously. I
prophesy an analogous development for you in the coming weeks, Pisces.
You may find you're able to manipulate one of your enemies into defeating
another. Or a compulsive part of your psyche could help solve a problem
created by an immature part of your psyche. Or both.
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HOMEWORK: If the average street cleaner in Cambodia were to trade
places with you now, he'd think he'd been transported to paradise. What
aspects of your life would he be most envious about? Testify by going to
www.beautyandtruth.com and clicking on "Email Rob."
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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing charts these days. In addition to writing my weekly column
and expanded audio horoscopes, I'm also working on a book and CD.
But I can recommend a colleague whose astro-aesthetics closely match my
own. She's RO LOUGHRAN.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth, and a
high degree of technical proficiency in horoscope interpretation; she is
skilled at exploring the mysteries of your life's purpose and nurturing
your connection with your own inner wisdom. In addition to over 20 years
of astrological experience, Ro is also a licensed psychotherapist, allowing
her to integrate psychological insight with the cosmological perspective
that astrology offers.
Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and otherwise
work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.
Ro's website is at
http://www.astrology-psychotherapy.com/
She can also be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
Namaste,
Rob
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Contents of Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2004 Rob Brezsny
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