Rob Brezsny's Astrology Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology Newsletter
is devoted to the premise
that there is no such thing
as an inherently bad astrological configuration
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November 12, 2003
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www.freewillastrology.com
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"When I am working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I
think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if
the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong."
--Buckminster Fuller
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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week of November 13
Copyright 2003 by Rob Brezsny
www.freewillastrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*
ARIES (March 21-April 19): The latest movie from Aries
filmmaker Quentin Tarantino received mixed reviews.
Commenting on "Kill Bill," Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper
raved, "It's amazing. Brilliant and stylized! Tarantino is at the
top of his form." On the other hand, critic Mick LaSalle had this
to say: "If this recycled, derivative nonsense is all this once-
promising director has to offer after six years, it's sad." I
predict you will provoke a similar range of reactions in the
coming week, Aries. It's probably best if you don't put too much
stock in either the people who regard you as a genius or those
who think you're a crank. Just be satisfied to believe in
yourself.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "Consumer brands are the new
religion," reports "The Financial Times." "People turn to them
for meaning." The evidence? Instead of attending church on
Sunday, many of the faithful swarm to Ikea. Countless couples
exchange their marital vows at Disneyland. Bikers are buried in
coffins bearing Harley-Davidson logos. Don't tell me you haven't
been infected with this faux religion, Taurus; we all have. But
I'm happy to announce that it's a perfect astrological moment for
blasphemy and dissent. Renounce your worshipful attachment to
brand names and products that are sapping your spiritual juice!
Break the hold of your addiction NOW! Just say NO to false gods!
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I have just finished skimming
Hiroyuki Nishigaki's surprising book *How to Good-Bye
Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday.
Malarkey? or Effective Way?* Though I haven't had a chance to
try out his simple and revolutionary approach to mental health,
I feel confident about recommending it to you. It's time to take
drastic, perhaps unconventional measures to disperse the funky
moods that have plagued you recently. Regular butt-squeezing
may be able to accomplish what no other therapy can. As one
satisfied reader testified after achieving miracles with this
technique: "Free your ass and your mind will follow."
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Can you find a sensitive saint
who'll cater to your desires for a whole day? Someone who is
knowledgeable about what gives you pleasure, who would listen
with supple curiosity to your stories, who would sing you songs
and read you poems and describe to you in lyrical detail all your
wonderful qualities? In other words, Cancerian, can you enlist
the devotion of a love genius who would regard being of service to
you as a holy privilege? The planets have rarely been better
aligned for such a possibility. The entire universe is yearning to
be more demonstrative in showing its love for you.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The bumblebee seems to be
aerodynamically unsound. Its body weight appears too great for
its wingspan. Indeed, if it were as big as an airplane, it would
never get off the ground. Fortunately, it knows nothing of the
laws of physics as they apply to machines, and therefore never
suffers from self-doubt as it soars and darts. I suggest you make
this creature your power animal in the coming weeks. You will
need to accomplish small wonders that there are no theories to
account for.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): My reading of your astrological
omens suggests that you are now standing before three doors. The
word "scapegoat" is written on door number one. "Chameleon" is
on door two and "weaver" on door three. What you do in the next
six days will determine whether you'll ultimately have a choice
about which door you open. If you do succeed in winning that
privilege, I advise you to pick the "weaver" door sometime after
November 22. Selecting the "chameleon" door wouldn't be
terrible, but it wouldn't be half as stimulating.
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In addition to the written horoscopes you find here, I create
longer, more in-depth audio horoscopes. They cost $6 a pop if
you access them on the Web via RealAudio or $1.99 per minute
if you want them over the phone.
For Web access, go here:
http://www.relationshipnetwork.com/horo/index.asp?client_id
=50700
From the United States, call
1-900-950-7700.
If you live in Canada, call 1-888-499-4425 to purchase a
Block of Time. Then call 1-888-682-8777 to get your reading.
If you have a 900# block on your phone, there's another way to
access the Expanded Audio Horoscopes by phone. Using your
credit card, call 1-877-873-4888 to buy the amount of time
that best suits you. Then call 1-888-682-8777 to get your
reading.
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Recently I received a letter with
testimony you might find helpful. "Hello, my name is Randall
Xavier Ludwick," it began. "I am inspector number 23 for the
Federal Commission on Amusement Park Safety. My main
responsibility is to ensure that all 'You Must Be This Tall To Go
on This Ride' signs are up to code. It's the perfect job for a major
Libra like me. Since I can never make up my mind if left to my
own devices, I decided to pursue a career that has rigid
boundaries and also appeals to my sense of justice." Mr.
Ludwick's approach to his indecisiveness might be worth
imitating in the coming weeks, dear Libra. I suggest you put
yourself in positions where you must adhere to crisply defined
limits and rules. (Thanks to Edgar Roberts for introducing me to
Mr. Ludwick.)
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): You are fresh, radical, and as free
as you've ever been. Only the ripest truths interest you. No
pretty lies can trick you and no super-hyped trivia can distract
you. I believe you're ready, therefore, to commune with the
axioms of healing chaos, lifted from the Whores of Goddess
Scientists website at http://adtriancain.tripod.com/. Here's a
sample. *You are the hidden God. Wake up in the dream. Read
between the lies. To question is the answer. The frontline is
everywhere. There are no innocent bystanders. Truth is a
three-edged sword. Practice infinite tolerance except for
intolerance. Achieve strength through joy. Embrace your
shadow. Change is stability. Creation never ends. Everything is
verb. The way in is the way out. All things fornicate all the
time. The going is the goal. Today is the day!*
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Walk into the hills or woods
and find a large rock jutting up out of the earth in a place that
makes you feel at home. Sit down on or next to that rock and let
go of the tightly wound emotions you've been holding onto. Sob or
sigh or babble until you achieve a spiritual orgasm that will
clear your mind of all its gunk and free you to make the decision
you've been postponing. Ever hereafter you will call this the
Crying Rock, and you will go there whenever you need the kind of
release that only a beloved natural power spot can facilitate.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If a friend or companion is
pregnant, buy her some lingerie. If people close to you are
depressed, take them to a karaoke bar and insist that they sing in
public. If you're feeling cautious and superstitious, book a flight
to an island paradise or learn to ride a motorcycle. If you're
afraid you're running out of good ideas, start writing a booklet
entitled, "My Inexhaustible Supply of Good Ideas." Are you
catching my drift, Capricorn? To capitalize on the odd
opportunities fate will bring you this week, you should
definitely *not* go with the flow.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Many of you feel that you're only
truly yourself if others see you as you want to be seen. But this
week I suggest you try out a different perspective. It's hinted at
by Suzan-Lori Parks in her play "Topdog/ Underdog": "Yr only
yrself when no one's watching." Who are you when you're alone,
Aquarius? Turn off your awareness of what everyone thinks
about you. Listen only to the clues arising from your silent
depths.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Back in the days when I could
afford employees, one of them dreamed up a witty ad campaign
for my expanded audio horoscopes. The headline was "Rob
Brezsny's astrological advice is like Viagra for the soul!" A week
after the first ads appeared, I got a letter from the lawyers of
the pharmaceutical company that manufactures the real Viagra.
"Cease and desist using our trademarked brand name," it said,
"or we will sue your ass." (I'm paraphrasing.) My campaign
came to a dead stop, and I vowed never again to borrow a
corporate fetish for my own marketing purposes. Carefully,
then, I make the following announcement: What life brings you
in the coming weeks will be like Viagra for your soul.
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HOMEWORK: The media love bad news because they think it's
more interesting than good news. Is it? Send your interesting
good news to me. Go to www.freewillastrology.com and click on
"Email Rob."
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THE PERSONAL IS POLITICAL
Want to read writers who are conspiring to infuse the Old Boy
Network with more of the female perspective? Check out this
website:
http://www.margieadam.com/action/
And read Jane Fonda's great speech at the National Women's
Leadership Summit:
http://www.margieadam.com/action/jfonda.htm
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WANT TO GET YOUR CHART DONE?
I'm not doing charts these days. But I can recommend a colleague
whose astro-aesthetics closely match my own. She's RO
LOUGHRAN.
Ro utilizes a blend of well-trained intuition, emotional warmth,
and a high degree of technical proficiency in horoscope
interpretation; she is skilled at exploring the mysteries of your
life's purpose and nurturing your connection with your own
inner wisdom. In addition to over 20 years of astrological
experience, Ro is also a licensed psychotherapist, allowing her
to integrate psychological insight with the cosmological
perspective that astrology offers.
Ro is based in California, but can do phone consultations and
otherwise work with you regardless of geographic boundaries.
Ro's website is at
http://www.astrologypsychology.com
She can be reached at roloughran@comcast.net
Namaste,
Rob
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Contents of the Free Will Astrology Newsletter are Copyright
2003 Rob Brezsny
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