Asking the right questions takes as much skill as giving the right answers. - Robert Half
The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a very creative mind to spot wrong questions. Antony Jay
Ever since we were young children first learning how to speak, we asked questions. For youngsters, it's usually "WHY......" And the typical response for any 'why' question starts with 'because.'
That said, the answers to WHY questions tend to have people justify or go back in time. Common question: Why did you do that first? 'Because it seemed logical' might be a typical response.
If we think about asking good questions that provide important information, and are not quick answers but rather thoughtful ones, it's wise to consider changing the way we ask questions. That same question asked differently might sound like this: What was it that had you do that first? "Hmmmm, I was thinking about the other items and thought this might make more sense since it seemed as though it would be the most time consuming. Clearly, we get a better understanding of how this person came to this decision.
I was out to dinner with some friends and one shared something that I thought was astonishing and appalling. My first response: "Why?" As soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized that the answer wouldn't be satisfying for me to really understand what that was all about. So I immediately said, "I'm so curious, what is that all about?" I received an answer that clearly explained where it was stemming from. Within context of some other things mentioned that evening, even though outrageous, it made perfect sense for this person. I truly believe that the 'why question' would have simply been a 'because that's what I believe" type of response.
Oftentimes, I hear questions that start with "HOW" and sometimes they can lead to good information, but more often, a 'how' question leads to methodology or strategy rather than an understanding. Example: How did you make that decision? I looked at the advantages and disadvantages, etc. That describes the methodology of how the person reached their conclusion.
If we were to ask the same question starting with "WHAT" we will get a very different type of response. Example: "What led you to making that decision?" I thought about all of the times I chose to do it a certain way and realized that I wanted something different this time.
Sometimes we just want pure information - What time does the train arrive? How will you get from the train to the house? Why are you taking the train instead of your car?
More often though, we want to better understand the person and the way they think and make choices. It creates more of a connection.
So we can ask questions such as: What is important to you about that? What obstacles might get in the way of completing that? What other options might be possible? In each of these cases, we are curious about something and asking the other person to think of an answer that will help us satisfy our curiosity as well as learn more about the person.
My philosophy is if you want a better understanding of a person, ask a question that starts with the word WHAT. If you just want straight information, it doesn't matter how you phrase the question.
The other thing I often notice about questions is that often there isn't any context. What happens is that we think something in our minds and the only thing verbalized is the question. So it winds up sounding like it's out of left field or seems like an odd question.
Example: Where are you now?
We might wonder if this is nosey curiosity. We might wonder why does this person care.
It can have us hesitate to answer not knowing why we are being asked this question.
Yet, if someone says "I need to talk about something, where are you now?" it makes perfect sense.
One of the clues that we have asked a thought provoking question is when the respondent either pauses before giving an answer or we might hear 'hmmm' or "I hadn't thought about that."
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
Before asking a question of someone, think about the reason for asking. Do you simply want information or do you want a better understanding of this person.
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-14. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
P.S. If you enjoyed this issue, I'd love it if you'd spread the word. Do so by forwarding this to a friend and inviting them to subscribe at the Life's Little Lessons link. Thank you for continuing to read Life's Little Lessons TO READ PAST ISSUES Past Issues (Highly recommended)
Putting Yourself Last? Now it's time for you to step up and take care of number one - YOU. As long as you realize just how drained you are, it's time to learn the skills and get the support you need to quickly learn how to put yourself first WITHOUT being selfish. Take advantage of a 30-minute complimentary phone "IT'S MY TURN" discussion around any area of your life where you are feeling challenged.
Any relationship conflicts you want to discuss: family? friend? co-worker? boss? employee?Ê Take advantage of a 30-minute complimentary phone "RELATIONSHIP MAKEOVER" discussion around any area of your life where you are feeling challenged.
*NOTEWORTHY* --**ICF-approved Laser Coaching Program - NEXT:JANUARY - 1 spot already taken! (Last 11 out of 12 classes SOLD OUT with waiting list) - - Become a coach or enhance your skill level AND Mentor Session Snapshot! (see below)
**Laser Coaching Program (ACSTH or CCEU)**
NOW 60 Approved ICF CREDITS TOWARDS CERTIFICATION -- Next: JANUARY - 1 spot already taken! so contact me for information NOW.
If you want to become a coach, dramatically increase your skill level, or are calling yourself a coach but deep down questioning your skill level, not feeling overly confident, need a flexible class schedule that fits into your current routine, and not willing to invest a great deal of time and money, then the "Laser Coach Your Way to Sustainable Success" a 12-week program may be a great choice for you.
The program is limited to 6 people at a time for HIGHLY individualized and customized attention and has been very affordably priced so that it's easy to say 'yes.' For lots of details and TONS of testimonials (with a similar theme... gained confidence; great value), visit the website: Laser Coaching Program.
ICF Pre-Approved credit towards certification or renewal - 60 ACSTH or CCEUs (Core Competencies) available.
Next group: Next: JANUARY - 1 spot already taken! (Last 11 out of 12 classees SOLD OUT--not a marketing gimmick). Grab a spot IMMEDIATELY by contacting me, and I'll answer your questions and address concerns.
NEW: Mentor Session Snapshot! - Here's a 10 minute peek into my weekly Mentor Group (included in Laser Coaching program) where you will hear a small part of a coaching conversation followed by individual feedback from the group.
CLICK HERE FOR AUDIO SNIPPET
Coach With Confidence! -- Practicum Mentor Group**
6 ICF Core Competencies CEU's for every month of attendance
*N O W - 3 Mentor GROUPS -- ALL EXPERIENCE LEVELS
COACHING MENTOR PRACTICUM GROUPS
Newer coaches and/or ACC, PCC, MCC (working towards or RENEWAL): Wednesdays 1-2:30PM, 5-6:30PM or 8-9:30PM (Eastern)
Ways to build your confidence and coaching skills:
JOIN the group and stay for as little as 4 weeks or as long as you like - 6 ICF CEUs per 4 sessions (Only $125 per month - or less with packages)
-*-Want a place to share your client challenges and ask questions?
-*-Feeling a bit insecure about your coaching or want to improve your skills?
-*-Need a safe place to practice and get supervision?
-*-Want to deepen and lengthen client relationships?
Contact me or click this link for details.