Single Parent Raising A Teen -By Klaus Klein
I've seen many single parents over the years with teenage boys and girls.
One thing that comes up is how single parents can become the target
of a teen son or daughter's anger and resentment.
This can create an experience of being in some really tough times.
I've seen where the parent who is taking most of the responsibility
for raising the teen son or daughter get dumped on with all manner
of resentment and anger.
And the other part-time parent is the 'wonderful parent'.
This is a very exhausting situation to be in as a single parent to maintain
your integrity, values, and caring.
What happens if there is little to no parenting support from the other
parent?
Sometimes teens can copy the negative attitude of the other parent towards you
as well. This is very unfortunate and is mostly about personal unresolved issues
getting in the way of co-parenting.
This can really leave you alone as a single parent.
Teens can become disrespectful and blame everything on you.
It certainly isn't fair.
Here is something to remember.
The parent who is taking most of the parenting responsibility will many
times also get more of the targeted anger.
One would think that the parent who is taking most of the responsibility
would be appreciated, right?
Not so during the teen years.
You see, the parent who has been doing most of the parenting and disciplining
has also established something very important.
That important factor is 'trust'.
The kind of 'trust' from a teen I'm referring to is:
This doesn't excuse bad behaviour or that you should tolerate abuse.
Teens do need to experience the consequences of their behaviour.
Sometimes that even means taking a break from living together.
But even in more extreme cases I've seen an attachment with a parent that is
deep and meaningful.
Although on the surface it can seem absolutely brutal at times.
You see, with the 'Good Time Parent' a teen will be nice because of the
fear of losing that parent if the teen ever behaved badly.
The relationship is felt and experienced as being more fragile.
In other words less of a solid attachment and less trust.
With the full-time parent the teen will let loose all the nasty negative feelings
because it is safer with that parent.
In other words stronger attachment, more trust, less fear of losing that parent.
Along with some absolutely brutal teen attitude at times.
Now I've also known separated parents who co-parent very well.
They actually rely, respect, and are supportive of each other as adults
when raising their teen son or daughter.
This can make a big difference in managing the attitude of a teen
towards one parent or the other.
But for those that do not have that support raising a teen as
a single parent can be very challenging.
There are so many different kinds of single parenting situations and
circumstances.
However, taking care of yourself as a single parent is crucial to maintaining
your integrity, values, and caring.
Get support for :
There are no quick and easy answers to being a single parent raising a teen.
Even though knowing there is the attachment and trust in you behind the brutal
attitude that can come out -- there are still boundaries that you have to
stand by and teens need to be held accountable for their actions.
You are the front line with your teen and it can get emotionally messy at times.
In that brutal messiness, they'll need you to be clear, grounded, and solid with
yourself in order to handle the tough times that come your way, and the decisions
you have to make especially as a single parent.
-- Klaus Klein MA, RCC
-------------------------------------------------------------
Be Sure To Get --
A Free Audio interview with A collegue of mine titled:
3 Top Mistakes Parents Make When Drug Use Enters The Home,
The Life of A Teen, And What You Can Do About It'
AND
My Updated Free Report : 'Top 10 Tips For Communicating
With Your Teen' AND...
Several Reports based on previous articles.
Sign up HERE:
https://www.kdkcounselling.com/newsletter.htm
-------------------------------------------------------------
Klaus Klein MA, RCC
BC Registered Clinical Counsellor
Tel: 604-786-0709
klaus@kdkcounselling.com
Schedule a Free 15 min phone consultation
---------------------------------------