A Teen Life Lesson And A Parenting Pause Moment -- by Klaus Klein MA, RCC
A Teen Life Lesson And A Parenting Pause Moment
My son gave me a call from Hong Kong the other day.
After working for an outdoor education centre on Lantau Island for several months
he planned to visit Vietnam for a week with a mutual co-worker friend.
He arranged time off, paid his flight ticket, and was set to go.
His phone call to me was not about being excited about his upcoming trip, but about his shock of
NOT going on the trip.
Both his friend and him were up at 5am. They had packed their bags the night before just to be
ready.
They took a taxi to the airport and got in line for the flight at the check in counter.
All is good until he notices a fellow traveller pulling out their passport.
Then came his 'Holy Sh@#' moment !
He left his passport back at the centre in his room ! - In a safe place of course.
Frantically, he had to make some fast decisions.
He decided to rush back by taxi (roughly 40 min one-way) - gets his passport and rushes with the
same taxi back to the airport.
He gets to the counter and is informed that he missed the cut-off time by 10 minutes.
-
He tries to transfer to another flight -- No go.
-
He tries charm to be allowed through -- No chance.
-
He tries to buy another ticket -- he has no credit card and his friend, who does, is already ahead in security.
-
He even offers to 'pay extra' to the counter person -- No way.
In the end he had to forfeit his ticket - no refund and no trip.
He's 18 years old and had to face a personal real world situation.
On the phone with me:
-
It was tempting to try and make him feel better.
-
It was tempting as a parent to offer advice on 'how to not forget a passport'.
-
It was tempting to be disappointed -- 'How could you..."
It was tempting to do many things.
Instead I just paused.
In that pause, which felt like a life time, he began to share more of the story of what he just
experienced.
The moment he realized he forgot his passport, the speedy and a times harrowing taxi ride, missing
the check-in cut off time, etc.
After he shared his experiences several times, I curiously asked him 'So what now?'
Now he was the one who 'paused' -- then half jokingly said that he might as well explore more of
Hong Kong for the week and let the centre office know he's NOW available to be on the work schedule again.
We both laughed.
Some of tension, frustration, disappointment in the situation eased up.
I could sense that he was beginning to accept the circumstances and now go beyond his feelings
and tap into his creative side.
His own power of making choices of 'how to be' with the the situation could grow.
It's not always easy, fun, or pretty.
For me, pausing and being a part of that process was priceless.
Even if it didn't change the situation he was in.
The pause created an opportunity to be grounded as a parent and adult.
To 'pause'. and be present in the moment gave him the time and space to reflect and process his life
lesson.
For him to feel the sting of the consequences and the growth that no text book in school could have
taught him.
I've certainly had plenty of stinging life lessons of my own as a teen, which of course has
continued relentlessly way beyond my teen years and well into my adulthood.
The power of 'pause' in a conversation can open up a world of deeper 'Life Lessons' to a teen or even adults.
It certainly opened up 20 minutes of talking and connecting with an 18-year-old that was amazing as a parent.
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Klaus Klein MA, RCC is a BC Registered
Clinical Counsellor.
He works full-tine with individuals, couples, and families.
Klaus has been invited to lead workshops on Personal Growth
and Development for adults as well as running Teen Camps
in China.
He was the creator and developer of the therapeutic
component to an Alternative School in Vancouver
for 15 years.
He is a clinical member of the Satir Institue of the Pacific.
Klaus is also certified as a "ScreamFree Leader" for
parenting.
His Office is 5050 Kingsway 2nd Floor
in Burnaby, near Metrotown
Tel: 604-786-0709
Call for a Free 10-min consultation
Website: http://www.kdkcounselling.com/
Klaus Klein MA, RCC
BC Registered Cinical Counsellor
Tel: 604-786-0709
klaus@kdkcounselling.com
https://www.dropbox.com/s/u0ou9zvo1308t3s/KDK%20Counselling%20Free%20Audio%20On%20Teen%20Substance%20Use.mp3?dl=0