Teen Relations Article :
'When Kids Struggle And Parents Panic'
Also --
Free Audio Interview :
‘ 3 Top Mistakes Parents Make When Substance
Use Enters The Life Of A Teen’.
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When Kids Struggle And Parents Panic
The other day I had an adult client who came to see me
due to anxiety and panic attacks.
Working with this person we traced the anxiety and panic
back to when they were a child and a teen in school and
struggling with a certain subject.
Now parents do the best they can and usually mean well.
However, it doesn't always come out in a productive way.
In this family, when the client was a young student and struggled
with a particular subject in school, the reaction of the parent was
anger, blame, and criticism for not doing better.
Then the client as a young student would at times rebel against
the parent and argue back.
It could get nasty at times.
Most parents I know, including myself, have been caught with
this situation.
Sometimes parents can see their kid's rebellious behaviour
towards them as disrespectful and a personal attack on them
as the parent.
What became clear working with this client was that the client
was not rebelling or trying to push back against the parent
As A Person.
It was Not about wanting to be disrespectful at all.
What the client rebelled against was the parent's own fear
and anxiety about the situation of seeing their child
struggling in school.
The parent's own fear and anxiety would then come out as anger,
blame, and criticismtowards the client.
When the client had enough of the overpowering flow of fear and
anxiety they would then fight back (yelling) as a way to protect
themselves.
Instead of being blamed and criticized, the client needed the parent
to come along side and guide the client in a supportive way to
improve the situation.
Working with parents I've seen this type of situation go from seeing
their child struggling with a subject at school to full blown PANIC;
"My son or daughter is struggling in school ......
which means a possible low grade,
which means difficult to go to college or university,
which means difficult to get a good job,
which means difficult to live a good life,
which means an unhappy life,
which means the parent has failed as a parent
which means the parent must try harder to get their son or daughter
to change!
This happens internally In a matter of a Few Seconds.
The escalation goes from concern, to worry, to fear, to Anxiousness,
to PANIC !
Fast forward 20 years and this client has internalized that when there
is a struggle in life, the way to cope is with Fear, Anxiety, and Panic.
Fortunately this client as an adult has decided to make a change.
They are working on and releasing from the past pattern of anxiousness
and panic they experienced and internalized as a child when there is a
struggle.
They are working towards Focusing Their Mind now on taking steps
to handle and overcome difficult life struggles without the negative
mindset..
As parents, sometimes the best life lesson you can give your kids
is to come along beside them in their struggles.
To guide, to let them feel their struggle -- but first being responsible
for your own emotions.
For you to be patient enough to see them struggle and find a resolution.
This actually increases self-esteem and confidence in their own
ability to deal with more challenges later in life.
Easier said than done I know.
Sometimes I can hear parents complain that their teen or child will
avoid responsibilityand not get things done.
Perhaps what kids are actually avoiding is dealing with the parent's
Anxiety, Fear, and Panic about the situation.
So they become quiet, they don't want to talk about it, they disappear,
they react and push away when a parent brings the situation up for
'discussion'.
The first step to helping your son or daughter to face a struggle
and take more responsibility is to face and take responsibility
for your own fear, anxiety, and panic over the situation.
That is modelling how you wish them to be in their life.
Taking responsibility for your own anxiety in order to really connect
and be present with your son or daughter especially when there is
a struggle, is far more powerful and productive then any Anger,
Blame, or Criticism could ever accomplish.
Productive Power starts with taking control of yourself first.
Then when your son or duaghter has a school or lfe struggle there
is a far better chance for a more Productive Outcome.
All the best in your Parenting,
-- Klaus Klein
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Announcement -- Free Audio Interview !
‘ 3 Top Mistakes Parents Make When Substance
Use Enters The Life Of A Teen’.
I have an Audio interview withTeresa McClellen, who is a
colleague and friend.
Teresa has completed her master’s degree in psychology, is
also a BC Registered Clinical Counsellor and specializes in
substance abuse.
She was once ‘one of those rebellious, school skipping,
substance abusing teens !’
She is also a single mother of now 2 adult children.
In this interview she shares her experience looking back with
adult eyes and puts words to her experience.
She shares what was helpful and what did not work for her from
well meaning adults.
She talks about what eventually started her to turn her
life around.
She give insights into some of her own parenting challenges.
This is a Free Audio Interview ‘ 3 Top Mistakes Parents Make
When Substance Use Enters The Life Of A Teen’.
You’ll need to register your name and e-mail.
Registration Page :
=> KDK Counselling -- Free Audio Interview and Updated Report
You’ll also get my updated report ‘Top 10 Tips For Communicating
With Your Teen’.
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=> KDK Counselling -- Free Audio Interview and Updated Report
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Klaus Klein MA, RCC is a BC Registered
Clinical Counsellor.
He works full-tine with individuals, couples, and families.
Klaus has been invited to lead workshops on Personal Growth
and Development for adults as well as running Teen Camps
in China.
He was the creator and developer of the therapeutic
component to an Alternative School in Vancouver
for 15 years.
He is a clinical member of the Satir Institue of the Pacific.
Klaus is also certified as a "ScreamFree Leader" for
parenting.
His Office is 5050 Kingsway 2nd Floor
in Burnaby, near Metrotown
Tel: 604-786-0709
Call for a Free 10-min consultation
Website: http://www.kdkcounselling.com/
Klaus Klein MA, RCC
BC Registered Cinical Counsellor
Tel: 604-786-0709
klaus@kdkcounselling.com