Teen Relations Newsletter by Klaus Klein MA, RCC
Title : “ I Just Had To Go Through It…” -- A Reflection Of A Teen
The other day I met with a young man of 21.
He had worked with me a few years ago when we was in high school
grades 10 – 12.
Back then he struggled with smoking weed everyday, not following his house rules,
and in general life in chaos.
His parents struggled as he struggled through this time period.
Mom and Dad talked to him, they put down consequences, they followed
through with consequences, etc.
But he just didn’t seem to listen!
Anyone else experience that with your own son or daughter?
Now that he is 21, and a young adult, he has cut way down on
smoking weed and has his sights set on attending a special school
that matches his creative talent.
He is also working and has traveled abroad.
In other words he is moving forward and becoming more and
In fact the more he is clear about his passion and taking the steps to
bring it closer, the less he smokes and more mature and focused he becomes.
I asked him about that time in his life 3 years prior while in high school.
The time when smoking weed was the centre of his life.
Was there anything that his parents could have done differently to have
helped him more.
He thought for a moment, then said ‘No, not really’.
He continued with “ I just didn’t get it at the time. I had to go
He holds no grudges or resentments towards his parents for holding
him accountable, having boundaries, and following through with
consequences for his behaviours .
Even if they had to repeatedly follow through with the same consequences!
Now at 21 he has a good relationship with both parents.
However, at that time in his teen life – both parents were struggling and
stressed with his behavior.
But through it all they managed to keep a relationship with him.
Yes it was difficult and messy at times.
I have seen this kind of situation often.
Consider this, how your son or daughter is behaving when they are
teens can be very different when they become young adults.
It’s like they had to go through that.
This doesn’t mean that it’s Ok to behave badly or abuse substances.
It does mean that very often the life of a teen changes for the better
when they start getting into young adulthood.
I once read it’s like they ‘become human again’.
There are no guarantees how things will turn out if your son or daughter
is in that defiant stage as a teen.
Perhaps even abusing substances, skipping school, or other concerning
But I’ve seen that the odds for an eventual pull through increases when
parents hang in there holding the boundaries, accountability, and
In other words, they keep a connection, a relationship – even try to
be caring as much as possible.
Not easy to do at times!
Every family situation is different and what works in one family may
not be right for another.
But hanging in there, not giving up, and getting support for yourselves as
parents in order to stay engaged is critical.
From the young adults who I have worked with -- who drove their
parents CRAZY – those same young adults do appreciate that the
adults/parents in their life were able to hang in there in all the teen
As this young adult man said “I just had to go through it”.
Hang in there PARENTS!
They do need you to go through the teen chaos with them.
Announcement -- Free Audio Interview !
In the next few days I will send an e-mail about an interview with
Teresa McClellen, who is a colleague and friend.
Teresa has completed her master’s degree in psychology, is
also a BC Registered Clinical Counsellor and specializes in
She was once ‘one of those rebellious, school skipping,
substance abusing teens !’
She is also a single mother of now 2 adult children.
In this interview she shares her experience looking back with
adult eyes and puts words to her experience.
She shares what was helpful and what did not work for her from
well meaning adults.
She talks about what eventually started her to turn her
She give insights into some of her own parenting challenges.
This is a Free Audio Interview ‘ 3 Top Mistakes Parents Make
When Substance Use Enters The Life Of A Teen’.
You’ll need to register your name and e-mail.
Early Opt-in Registration Page :
You’ll also get my updated report ‘Top 10 Tips For Communicating
With Your Teen’.
This will happen in the next few days when you receive an e-mail giving more
details about the Free Audio Interview.
You'll receive details on how to register to receive both the
Audio Interview and Free Updated Report.
All the best in your Parenting,
-- Klaus Klein MA, RCC
Klaus Klein MA, RCC is a BC Registered
He works full-tine with individuals, couples, and families.
Klaus has been invited to lead workshops on Personal Growth
and Development for adults as well as running Teen Camps
He was the creator and developer of the therapeutic
component to an Alternative School in Vancouver
for 15 years.
He is a clinical member of the Satir Institue of the Pacific.
Klaus is also certified as a "ScreamFree Leader" for
His Office is 5050 Kingsway 2nd Floor
in Burnaby, near Metrotown
Call for a Free 10-min consultation