Teen Relations Newsletter by Klaus Klein MA, RCC
Teen Relations Newsletter : by Klaus Klein MA, RCC http://ezezine.com
1) This Newsletter's Featured Article:
The Power of Changing Parents First Before Changing Kids
2) Parenting Program 'Centered Parenting' being Offered
for Fall Sessions
3) Free Consultation Offer
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The Power of Changing Parents First Before Changing Kids
Often parents focus on changing their kids.
Some common complaints are:
If only he/she would ….
If only she/he wouldn’t…..
Why are they always ……
Why can’t they just ………
Often when parents see their kids doing
something that is inappropriate or even
scary it often triggers 2 big emotions:
Fear and Anxiety
I’ve seen parents get stuck with these
2 emotions and automatically take actions
based on these emotions.
However, this usually has the opposite
negative effect on the situation and relationship.
The automatic reaction from these emotions usually
pushes teens away further from engaging in the
relationship or even further into the behaviour.
The emotions themselves are not the issue.
It’s the reaction from the emotions that gets
well-meaning parents into more trouble as time
goes on.
One example of a reaction out of fear and anxiety
This is when parents take over too many responsibilities
for their teen. Such as getting their teen up in the
morning, getting to school, doing assignments,
cleaning up, driving to and from all jobs or activities,
preparing meals, etc.
The fear and anxiety sounds like this:
“my kid can’t do it -- so we have to for them” !
This causes a reactional pattern of
doing too much for the teen. This pattern usually
just keeps theteen dependent (often grugingly) on
the parents and nothing changes. And on top of that,
all that “help” most likely is never appreciated
either from the teen.
The other extreme example
This is when parents are fearful of stepping in
and following through on consequences. The fear
and anxiety creates a pattern of “ my teen will
get angry with me and never talk to me” or the
fear “that the relationship will get even worse
than it already is.”
In both of these cases the focus is on the teen
changing their behaviour first so that the parents
feel better.
Of course that rarely happens with these types of
reactional patterns. The teen does not change and the
parents continue to feel fear and anxiety.
What parents can do is:
1. Reflect and evaluate their own
reactions with fear and anxiety in relation
to their teen.
2. Look at their own values underneath
their reaction
3. Be creative in how to take action from
a place ofgrounded integrity in their values in
the situation – insteadof reacting from fear
and anxiety
4. Talk with a spouse, partner, friend, or
relative, about your values and what acting from
integrity would look like in a given situation,
especially one that keeps repeating
5. Get support in breaking the pattern and
‘being different’with your teen – it’s not always
easy so having support can make a difference on the
follow through and holding to a new pattern
I help parents make pattern changes in themselves
first by taking care of their own fears and anxieties
first instead of expecting the teen to do it for them.
This shift in parents changes the pattern with their
teen. It puts clear parental authority back to the adults.
This Kind of change can help guide the teen in
a more positive direction.
This is far better than a reacting pattern that parents
get caught in and then expect their kid to change first.
I have seen and experienced for myself the truth that it
is actually easier to change oneself first than it is to
change another person.
Parents can use this power in a very caring and compassionate
way to guide and even lead by example for the whole family.
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-- CENTERED PARENTING PROGRAM --
7 Sessions Fall/Winter Program
Being Offered Starting
Thursday November 3 2016
With Special 2-For-One-Price
Program OFFER !!
Facilitated by
Klaus Klein MA, RCC with over 15 years experience
working with teens and adults.
Strengthen Your Parenting Skills, Regain Your Sense
of Self, and Bring More Peace Back in Your Life
In this Parenting Program you will discover how to:
-- improve communication with your teen
-- handle confrontations and conflict
-- develop the confidence and the skills to resolve
the problems you are having with your teen
-- remain calm and rational during heated moments with
your teen make decisions that are healthy for you,
your teen, and the rest of your family
enjoy being yourself more
For more info check out the website:
http://kdkcounselling.com/parent_program.htm
Space limited -- Call 604-786-0709
or
E-mail: klaus@kdkcounselling.com
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3) OFFICE HOURS AND FREE CONSULTATIONS
For a limited number of spots
FREE 20-MINUTE COUNSELLING CONSULTATIONS
To sign up just send an e-mail to :
klaus@kdkcounselling.com
Subject: Free Consultation Sign-up
I will get back to you regarding a time and date.
Act now to insure a spot.
Burnaby office near Metrotown on
Kingsway.
Hours:
Mon 12 noon - 7:30pm
Tues - Fri 10:30am - 7:30 pm
Address: 5050 Kingsway 2nd Floor, V5H 4H2
Right near a London Drugs at the corner of Kingsway
and Marlborough