Klaus - Parenting Newsletter http://ezezine.com
Teen Relations Newsletter : by Klaus Klein MA, RCC
In this Newsletter Issue:
1. Feature Article: When Drugs Enter Your Home
2. Public Lecture: "Building a Stronger Relationship With a Teen
When: Wednesday Evening November 24, 2010
3. Counselling Services
When Drugs Enter Your Home
You know that things have really gotten bad, when you realize that
your son or daughter is not only doing drugs and drinking, but
now you find drugs hidden in your home. Rightfully so,
you are upset, confused and afraid. Most importantly, you are not
sure what to do. You may have had past experiences that end up
in a shouting match and you don't want that to happen again.
So… what is the alternative?
Here's What You Can do--
Don't get caught in the argument trying to convince your son or
daughter the hazards of doing drugs or trying to change their
stance or opinion on drugs. This approach usually exacerbates
the situation leading to more arguing which leads to a greater
distance between you.
Most teens already know about the hazards, does that stop them from
trying and using? Usually not, even with all the facts that are
presented by schools and you as the parents.
As adults we expect teens to be logical and then understand and accept
our wisdom. The more you try to convince them to change, the more they
don't want to listen. This can be become very frustrating,
disappointing, and exhausting often leading to anger. Yes, curbing
your temper is not always easy to do. But, if you want to resolve the
situation effectively, you are going to have to be calm. This may
require that you take a step back and ground yourself before grounding
your teen. It also requires to have a clear picture of what you can
control and what you're going to do about it. Remember that being in
charge of a situation is different than trying to control another
When ready, you can begin your discussion with your teen by making
statements about what you see going on in your home.
You can approach your teen letting
him or her know that:
1. Because you care and are concerned about the health and safety
of your son or daughter you will be taking some actions that
might be new to the ways things have been going in the home.
2. You, as the parent are in charge and are responsible for the
safety of the home.
3. If you find any illegal substances, you will confiscate them
and either dispose of them or give them to the school police
4. Where you find it in your home is irrelevant -- this includes
their room and clothes. While it may be their room, you're
still responsible for what is in your house.
5. If you do confiscate any illegal substances and your teen then
decides to steal any money or possessions from your home
because of their "loss", you will report it to the police.
Just because your teen is stealing from their own home
doesn't make it right. If someone came into your home and
stole you would certainly report it --- your teen
needs to honour the same boundary.
6. If any of your teen's friends uses are brings drugs into the
home the same rule applies to friends as well.
Keep in mind that you cannot always control what your son or daughter
does outside the home but you're in charge of what goes on in your
home. Being in charge in the home is an action that you can take
anytime and be in control of.
Teens need a home environment that is safe and having some
predictability in structure. This is your job as a parent to ensure
this occurs. You'll feel better for being in charge and focusing on
what you can control. You must hold your ground even though
your teen is probably not going to respond well to the consequences.
Establishing rules and boundaries and then not following through is
one of the biggest mistakes parents make. This only intensifies the
problem so that next time your words will continue to be disrespected.
Follow through with your actions and get support from other adults as
The safety and integrity of your home should be one of the centre
pillars that you want to have in place. This can at times create more
hostility in the short term because the teen is no longer getting
their way around the house. Be prepared to stand in your
values rather than in your emotions. In the long term teens
also want a safe home to live in, especially when the day comes
when they decide to use less or even quit. You want to know
that your teen can tell his or her friends that they cannot keep,
stash, or hide anything in the house that is illegal because the
parents will take it away. That is a clear message and a clear
boundary that starts with parents.
2. Public Lecture Series
Klaus has been asked to give a Parenting Talk for the Take-A-Hike
Program along with fellow therapist Pete Prediger.
"Building a Stronger Relationship With a Teen in Your Life"
Would you like to have a closer relationship with your teen
son or daughter in your life? Discover ways to connect
with teens that actually brings you and your teen closer. Look
at how to strengthen the relationship and make it more
positive and trusting.
Klaus Klein and Pete Prediger, will help you discover methods to
-- Explore underlying coping styles that prevent connection
-- Understanding how to gain control of your reactions so that you
can be more open for your tee n
-- Develop a more positive and supportive outlook in relation to
-- Discover ways to use yourself as a positive resource in
relationship to your teen
Join us at this interactive Public Lecture sponsored by the Take a Hike
Foundation. This event will benefit anyone with a teen in their life.
Date: Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Location: Creekside Community Centre, 1 Athletes Way Vancouver, BC V5Y
0B1 - (604) 257-3050. Multipurpose Rooms 4 and 5.
Time: 8 pm -- 9:45 pm
Admission: by donation
Any donations received will go directly to the Take-A-Hike Program
You can register on line by going to:
For more info on the Take-A-Hike Program for teens go to:
3. Counselling Services
I provide counselling for teens, parents, and family.
Call for a free 10-minute consultation 604-786-0709
Burnaby Office location: 2nd Floor 5050 Kingsway Burnaby -- near
Vancouver Office Location: 2nd Floor 1892 West Broadway -- near Cyprus
Hours: 4-7 pm Mon, Tues, and Wed
Klaus Klein is a Register Clinical Counsellor in BC
Clinical member of the Satir Institute of the Pacific