Teen Relations by klaus Klein http://ezezine.com
Teen Relations Newsletter : by Klaus Klein MA, RCC
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In this Newsletter Issue:
1. Feature Article: Dealing With Common Fears of Parents of Teens
2. Take-A-Hike On The Wild Side -- buy a Tree and Support Teens
3. Counselling Services
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1) Feature Article
Dealing With Common Fears of Parents of Teens
Most parents have felt some kind of fear when it comes to
parenting. It is a natural part of being a parent because we
care and want to protect our loved ones. However, too
much fear can also get in the way of a healthy parenting
relationship. Fear cuts you off from other positive and caring
resources that are important in a healthy relationship. As
parents you may not be aware of your fear and how that
plays out in interactions with your teen.
Common fears for parents with teens include:
-- your teen will fail in school
-- not knowing where your son or daughter is late at night
-- your teen is skipping school
-- getting a call from the police
-- your teen is attaching to peers that have a negative
influence
-- drug or alcohol abuse
A common approach to handling fear as a parent is to only
focus on controlling the behaviour in the son or daughter that
is causing the fear. While this is a normal response, just trying
to control usually causes more resentment and anger in the teen
which leads to more frustration and fear in parents. If the pattern
continues, then both teens and the parents begin to behave in
destructive ways.
Some common parent behaviours where fear is predominate
-- yelling at teen
-- saying or doing things in the moment that you regret later
-- disconnecting emotionally from your teen
-- feeling like you are walking on 'eggshells' in the home
-- distancing from your teen for fear of making a mistake
-- buying things or giving money to your teen in order to
kept peace
-- bribing in order to get things done or try to get your teen
to 'pass' in school
As parents, we are not perfect and do make mistakes from time
to time when our emotions get the best of us. However, despite
your best intentions, when actions and words consistently
come from a place of fear, teens will usually avoid you altogether
and negative behaviours continue to get worse.
What You Can Do
As a parent, take some time to look at yourself, what your
fears are, and how you handle your fear. Don't expect to
eliminate fear, but be aware of how fear impacts your
behaviour especially in relation to your son or daughter.
Ask yourself what would be different for you if you
could put fear on hold and instead tried to:
-- connect with your teen as a person first before
addressing the behaviour
-- make decisions based on your values
and integrity - not fear
-- remember you have positive resources
for dealing with difficult situations
-- include you spouse, partner, friends, or counsellor to
help you face your fears so that your teen gets the
best of you as a clear, firm, and compassionate parent
-- believe your teen can face some of the natural
consequences of their choices
Some fears are easier to deal with than others. Understanding
what your fears are and how they impact you is a first step to
taking responsibility for your side of the relationship with your
teen. It is a healthy place to start a change that can bring
you closer with your teen, rather than pushing them further
away. Often teens are more afraid of their parents fear
and reaction than they are of the consequences themselves.
Working on your side of the pattern can reduce a barrier that
is getting in the way of having a more positive relationship
with your teen. This leads to better behaviour for
everyone and a more positive relationship.
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2. Take-A-Hike On the Wild Side
Buy a tree and have it planted for you on Earth Day April 22, 2010
The Take-A-Hike Program -- http://www.takeahikefoundation.org--
is an alternative school program for grades 10, 11, & 12 that
empowers at-risk teens to reach their full potential through
a unique combination of adventure-based learning, academics,
therapy, and community service.
By purchasing a tree you'll be helping the environment and
supporting teens in their development and education. For
more info and to purchase go to --
http://www.takeahikefoundation.org/wildside
Referred by Klaus Klein
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3. Counselling Services for Teens and Their Parents
I provide counselling for teens, parents, and family.
Call for a free 10-minute consultation 604-786-0709
Website: http://www.kdkcounselling.com/index.htm
Burnaby Office location: 2nd Floor 5050 Kingsway Burnaby -- near
Metrotown Station
Vancouver Office Location: 2nd Floor 1892 West Broadway -- near Cyprus
and Broadway
Hours: 4-7 pm Mon, Tues, and Wed
Klaus Klein is a Register Clinical Counsellor in BC