Teen Relations http://ezezine.com
November 29, 2008
TEEN RELATIONS -- by Klaus Klein MA, RCC
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In This Newsletter Issue:
1. Feature Article:
The Myth That Your Child Needs You Less During Adolescence
2. Counselling Services
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1) Feature Article: The Myth That Your Child Needs You Less During
Adolescence
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Many times we see and hear how teenagers just do not want to have
anything to do with adults. It is even been normalized in our society
to a point that parents are conditioned to expect and accept this
phenomenon. However, while the period of adolescence is a time when
most teenagers want more freedom and time to themselves,
developmentally teens still need relationships with close, trusting,
caring adults. Between school, soccer, hockey, band practice, TV,
homework, and friends it is easy to get caught in the idea that family
time or one-to-one time with your kids is not that important. But it is
important if you want your teen to become a confident and successful
adult.
Adolescent girls and boys long for and appreciate having an adult that
they can trust and open up to. As a parent, you can be the adult that
they turn to when they need help. The power and advantage you have is
that you are an adult who has gone through many life experiences and
have made it to adulthood. On the other hand, teenagers are not full
grown adults and do not have the confidence gained through life
experiences. Many teens act as if they are confident or believe they
know it all, but when confronted with the reality of making life
choices, dealing with responsibilities that come with age, or dealing
with emotional turbulence, life can become very overwhelming,
confusing, and frightening at times. We know from brain research that
the adolescent brain is not completely developed. Your teen therefore
needs your guidance when making decisions for the present and for their
future. We do not want to necessarily make the decisions for them but
we want to help them in the decision making process and encourage them
take on the responsibility of their choices.
On the one hand, teenagers often make fun of adults and say how out of
touch parents are with adolescent lives. However, being an adult
outsider can also be such a powerful position because it makes you a
safe person to go to when things get tough and unbearable. This is
particularly true regarding issues that may be too embarrassing for
your teen to share with his or her peers.
Some Topics May Be Easier To For Your Teen To Discuss With You As
Oppose To Their Peers
Of course there are many secrets that teens keep from adults, however,
there are also just as many secrets that teens would never share with
each other for fear of humiliation should their friends find out. For
example, there are not many 17-year-old boys who will share feelings of
hurt with other teenage boys. For girls, there can be the pain and
disappointment of the sudden rejection by a group of girlfriends, which
would be difficult to discuss with other school friends. In both
scenarios there usually is a lot of pretending and saving face in front
of peers. But this does not need to be the case with you as the parent.
You, as the adult, can be that safe person that can listen and help
them accept themselves and what they are going through without the
harsh judgment that peers might give.
What many teenagers go through in their daily lives can at times cause
turmoil, self-doubt, and fear. Also there are feelings of hurt,
sadness, and loss, which can cause internal chaos at times. Often
peers are not able to support them in a way that you as a parent can.
It may seem that your son or daughter may not have any time for you
until they need money, a ride, or something. However, do not let that
turn you away and think you are not needed emotionally. If your teen is
reluctant to spend time with you then make an effort to find something
enjoyable to do together, even if it is something simple and only for a
short time.
Being a mature, stable, and emotionally available adult is a key
ingredient that you can give your kids what other teen peers cannot.
This gives you the opportunity to foster an important connection to you
as the parent for your teen.
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#2
Counselling Services for Teens and Their Parents
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I provide counselling for teens, parents, and family.
Call for a free 10-minute consultation 604-786-0709
Website: http://www.kdkcounselling.com/index.htm
Burnaby Office location: 2nd Floor 5050 Kingsway Burnaby -- near
Metrotown Station
Vancouver Office Location: 2nd Floor 1892 West Broadway -- near Cyprus
and Broadway
Hours: 4-7 pm Mon, Tues, and Wed
Klaus Klein is a Register Clinical Counsellor in BC